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There's too much 'not that into you' 'move on' naysaying here. None of us know enough about the situation. She has good reason to believe he and Polish woman are dating on some level, he may have lied to her, he may not have lied to her (maybe started dating the woman after he got back, maybe the first trip was platonic, maybe they're all platonic though seems very unlikely, etc), he and OP may have had a strong connection and have long-term potential, he lives 6000 miles away, he's 29 and a new covid 'variant' might come and his job offer might be called off next month, he may have agreed to move to Malaysia but may back out for whatever reason between now and February. There are way too many present and future possibilities, too many unknowns. If he said he is single and it's obvious/highly suggestive on social media that he isn't, you can ask him. If he says I was single but I started seeing someone after I got back, maybe he will break up with her by February and will be single when he arrives and then you can decide what to do. If it's not obvious that he isn't single, maybe just wait and see if and when he arrives and you reconnect.
I think it's less about modern people and more about the modern economy/technology.
He's working one place one week and 6,000 miles away the next. He's on social media so things he's doing in all places are visible, and you can see it from where you are, and you're able to be in daily contact in spite of being that distance away. Back in the day, you would've never met in the first place, and if you did neither of you would know the better what was happening once you left, and it would've been a lot simpler.
People say 'you have no right to know,' but if he lied to your face you have every right to be upset about it. If their status becomes obvious or highly apparent on social media, which he knows you have access to, you'll have good reason to ask about it soon after he gets there, and then you can see what he says about it. Unless they're kissing in photos or something, I wouldn't call him out about it over social media / messenger, that's better for an in person conversation.
There are many possibilities in the overall situation as has been discussed. Maybe he cheated on her, maybe they were broken up at the time, maybe he met her/started dating her after he met you (in which case it appears he wouldn't have lied). I think the best option is to keep contact on occasion, have the contact come from you occasionally and him occasionally, don't set your expectations too high until he actually moves there permanently by himself and you meet up again, and then see where things go.
Thank you! I agree, I think the last one you mentioned is the best option at this point. Just gotta act normal, sit back and see if he’s gonna contacting me again after what’s happened. He might not know that I’ve discovered this so. And yeah not gonna set high expectations as there are too many red flags or uncertainties at this moment…
There's too much 'not that into you' 'move on' naysaying here. None of us know enough about the situation. She has good reason to believe they're dating on some level, he may have lied to her, he may not have lied to her (maybe started dating the woman after he got back, maybe the first trip was platonic, maybe they're all platonic though seems very unlikely, etc), he and OP may have had a strong connection and have long-term potential, he lives 6000 miles away, he's 29 and a new covid 'variant' might come and his job offer might be called off next month, he may have agreed to move to Malaysia but may back out for whatever reason between now and February. There are way too many present and future possibilities, too many unknowns. If he said he is single and it's obvious/highly suggestive on social media that he isn't, you can ask him. If he says I was single but I started seeing someone after I got back, maybe he will break up with her by February and will be single when he arrives and then you can decide what to do. If it's not obvious that he isn't single, maybe just wait and see if and when he arrives and you reconnect.
Thanks! Hoping time flies faster and can’t wait to see the truth. But yeah I’m 100% sure he’s gonna move here for this job whether variant hits or not.
Well, in all the true long-distance relationships I know of, it's daily communication. Text, video chat, phone calls.
Sounds like you are way more into him than he is into you. I'd move on. If he contacts you, go from there. If not, don't waste more of your time getting upset. It's just hurting yourself.
Yeah it’s hard, I am certainly into him… but I’m gonna try to move on and mute his social media so I won’t know what he’s doing
I think you should ask him about this woman. It's not like you were snooping where you shouldn't have been, so you shouldn't feel guilty about bringing up the subject.
I think you should say something like "I noticed that someone named blah blah blah plans to travel to Maylasia with you. Would you please be honest with me, and tell me if she's a romantic interest or not?"
He might tell you you're a paranoid woman. Who knows...but on the other hand, why wait months, and then find out the same thing anyway?
We don’t know if she’s gonna move here, I think time will tell… maybe they’re discussing it and she’s still making decision… maybe not… I think I would wait and see if he’s gonna text me still after few weeks and might probably bring up from there about how his German trip went and if he went solo?
OP, I'm curious. I hope you don't mind my asking: if you're living in Malaysia, why is your English so good? Are you an expat, too?
It’s quite common we have a good English here as English is an important subject here… It’s just like Singapore or Hong Kong, Where ENG is quite widely spoken here to be honest
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Hi, this is really bothering me and I’ve been overthinking a lot, some advice and opinions would be helpful.
So I met this guy 3 weeks ago- he flew from Europe to asia for some business meeting and stayed for 14 days. He would be moving here in Feb 2022. We have been chatting a bit before that (for 1-2months on and off) and finally met up when he was here and went on 5-6 dates and really got along well with each other. Ever since that day, we chat like everyday, he was the one who always initiate the conversation. After he flew back to Switzerland, I went on a holiday trip and he kept chatting with me until my holiday ended. We really liked each other and he often confessed that to me as well and sent each other heart emojis and update each other with pics during our chats. Before he left, he texted me we will for sure meet again. I know it’s hard, you never know what’s gonna happen in these 4 months, he might fall in love with another girl or lost interest in me. He always flew to different cities or countries for business meetings. This week, he’s flying to Köln, Germany. I came across a woman’s profile he’s following on Instagram and that they are living in the same city in Switzerland, I was shocked that she also went to Köln the same day as he is. Also found out she was also in Norway the same week/days when this guy was in Norway for business meeting a month ago before he came. I was confused if they are dating? I’ve asked him during our dates if he’s dating anyone and he said no, his last date or gf was in May and hasn’t dated anyone since.
Do you think he’s lying to me? Now asia is opening up, i don’t even know if she’s gonna move here with him. I really like him but I’m not sure if he was being dishonest to me.
He may have met her, recently. It DOES sound dubious though.
You have the power to make a choice, here. See if he's still interested, or dump him. The choice is yours.
I'd say, see if his conduct towards you changes. If he says, "Sorry, I've met someone else," then his isn't lying.
If he says, "I've missed you, let's get together again," then you know what you need to do.
Again, it's YOUR CHOICE...
Last edited by NORTY FLATZ; 10-26-2021 at 04:32 PM..
Reason: Fixed it.
You have six dates invested in this guy. He hasn't asked you to be exclusive. Date other people. Wait to see if he texts you again. How long is this job in Malaysia likely to last? Will he be moving on in a couple years? If he dumps the Polish woman when he leaves Switzerland, consider that he might dump you when he leaves Malaysia. It's something to think about. You don't know him well enough yet, or know his exact status with the Polish woman. Don't stop going out with others in the hope things with this man will work out. Keep your options open.
You have six dates invested in this guy. He hasn't asked you to be exclusive. Date other people. Wait to see if he texts you again. How long is this job in Malaysia likely to last? Will he be moving on in a couple years? If he dumps the Polish woman when he leaves Switzerland, consider that he might dump you when he leaves Malaysia. It's something to think about. You don't know him well enough yet, or know his exact status with the Polish woman. Don't stop going out with others in the hope things with this man will work out. Keep your options open.
Probobably for 2-5 years. Yeah I would only found out if they’re actually together when he’s moving here next year and is chasing me again and the time to have serious talk. They might just be fwb and might not. If she’s aware of he’s moving away, maybe they had an agreement not to get emotionally attached with each other. However, that might not be the case as she’s around 29-32 years old… women around that age are usually serious type as they’re on different stage of life.. But in the end, there are so many possibilities at the moment…gotta wait and see if he text again.., it’s been a week since our daily text.
Probobably for 2-5 years. Yeah I would only found out if they’re actually together when he’s moving here next year and is chasing me again and the time to have serious talk. They might just be fwb and might not. If she’s aware of he’s moving away, maybe they had an agreement not to get emotionally attached with each other. However, that might not be the case as she’s around 29-32 years old… women around that age are usually serious type as they’re on different stage of life.. But in the end, there are so many possibilities at the moment…gotta wait and see if he text again.., it’s been a week since our daily text.
Why not just start off slow and be just a friend?
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