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That was the week before and she only gave a "dad compliment" and besides it was like 2 AM. "You look super cool" is a non-sequitor and doesn't lend itself to create a conversation. To create a dialogue you pose a question...that's what interested people do.
OP, my guess would be that the woman and her friend were looking for VICTIMS. She would ask you if you wanted to swing with her and her husband/boyfriend - then, they would rob you, then kill you or blackmail you. Or maybe they'd torture and murder you. Your clothes make you look affluent, and thus a good person to rob/extort/blackmail... whatever they had in mind.
Or, maybe her male friend genuinely found you attractive, and wanted to have sex with you. Lots of men, particularly affluent ones, have young, attractive wives or girlfriends, specifically to use them as BAIT. You seem to have a look which appeals to men, but not to women. So maybe...
At least this makes sense. I hadn't considered this...the dude totally didn't seem gay at all, though. I mean ofc you can't always tell, but the gay dudes at around her are usually pretty obvious...
Good luck out there. You’d definitely benefit from some counseling and therapy to deal with your inadequacy issues and self hate. I’d even wager your employer offers some free counseling services through an AEP that would give you a test run. Doesn’t cost you anything but a few hours of time to talk to a neutral party.
When internet strangers take a look at your intensely negative view of a situation and tell you that you were grossly misinterpreting the situation, despite that lens , it might be time to maybe look at other options and opinions.
People in general are prone to forgive weird or off-putting behavior for those they find attractive, that's just human nature. No guy ever is going to be like "welp, she was pretty but she just stared at me...PASS!" Women will allow a good-looking dude to do all sorts of weird, off-putting things, while if a not-attractive man were to do the same exact things, he would be deemed "creepy" . it's just how people are.
Yes, I know. And then soon they're here complaining that their girlfriend/wife is stupid/shallow/a jerk/treats them badly/cheating, but they couldn't possibly leave because "but she's hot!!"
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Originally Posted by thelambofdeth
Also just because you're ugly doesn't mean you're supposed to just settle for anything that happens along your way. I rarely get attention from women in general, and I never look toward the pretty ones. And while I'm not good looking I put a lot of work into my body, my wardrobe and I'm tall. I'm afforded the bare minimum of physical standards at least.
No one said you had to settle for anything, but you have to keep in mind that if you condemn someone for being unattractive, others may be doing the same to you, if you're allegedly as "ugly" as you say. And also remember that if you're not a "10," you're probably not going to attract a "10." It also doesn't hurt to remember that there's more to attractiveness or unattractiveness than the way someone looks.
The other point I was making is that you can't choose to be unhappy when "unattractive" women are interested in you, but also unhappy when attractive women are interested. Well, I mean, you can, but you're going to be fairly miserable that way.
Yes, I know. And then soon they're here complaining that their girlfriend/wife is stupid/shallow/a jerk/treats them badly/cheating, but they couldn't possibly leave because "but she's hot!!"
No one said you had to settle for anything, but you have to keep in mind that if you condemn someone for being unattractive, others may be doing the same to you, if you're allegedly as "ugly" as you say. And also remember that if you're not a "10," you're probably not going to attract a "10." It also doesn't hurt to remember that there's more to attractiveness or unattractiveness than the way someone looks.
The other point I was making is that you can't choose to be unhappy when "unattractive" women are interested in you, but also unhappy when attractive women are interested. Well, I mean, you can, but you're going to be fairly miserable that way.
People like the bolded need to stay tf home and figure out what they want before going out to a watering hole looking for action. The cringe factor of the event described in the OP is off the charts.
Dude, you tucked tail and ran when a woman you found attractive couldn't keep her eyes off you. A neurotypical male with his act together would have approached the two of them and said, at the very least, "Hi, I'm thelambofdeth, how are you two doing tonight?" A flirtatious confident man would have said, "didn't your mama tell you it was bad manners to stare?" or "if you take a picture it'll last longer." But you pooped your pants and ran. Even a ten year old yanking girls' ponytails on the playground has more game than you.
...I should've known better than to expect legitimate answers.
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Originally Posted by TX Rover
You realize people are in platonic relationships right?
She absolutely hit on you and you absolutely bricked it.
Bingo!
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Originally Posted by thelambofdeth
When a woman hits on you it's usually pretty obvious. "Super cool" doesn't scream "I'm interested". It's being nice. That's how people are at bar. I'm not one of those guys that thinks if a woman looks in my general vicinity that she "must want the D!!"
Allegedly....
Women will sometimes stare and smile if you make eye contact as an invitation for you to walk up and talk to her. This is a bar, not work, apparently you dress well. Her trying to get your attention doesn't mean that she wants the D just yet. Its more she is open to you talking to her to see if there is any chemistry between the two of you.
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Originally Posted by thelambofdeth
That was the week before and she only gave a "dad compliment" and besides it was like 2 AM. "You look super cool" is a non-sequitor and doesn't lend itself to create a conversation. To create a dialogue you pose a question...that's what interested people do.
Women run the risk of being sl_t shamed if they appear too forward. She was trying to make eye contact with you, she also tried to initiate a conversation. This is how women initate things and when a guy like you miss reads the situation, its also why women also complain that when they try to approach men it never works.
This women was interested in seeing if there was any interest on your part. She made repeated efforts to try to make herself approachable to you. But she was also expecting you to do your part as well. You didn't and now she most likely things, you are either not interested or maybe gay.
Do you guys read? Guys have no problem just walking up and giving a compliment....women rarely compliment me and this one was pretty...so it just seems fishy.
She was with that guy both times, and he's objectively better looking than I...and it was a bar. What else would I logistically think? Lol
Yes, we DO read. In fact, I've read every single one of your 280+ posts that you wrote over the past 4 years.
What you could 'logistically think' is 'Hey, that was nice', instead of taking a crappy-a** attitude about it. A positive attitude goes a long way.
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Staring at someone isn't "hitting on them" it's weird tbh. If the roles were reversed I'd be in jail.
How did you know that she was "staring" at you...unless you were "staring" back at her? Unless you've got eyes in the back of your head, or where your ears are, then you were looking at her, too.
And it's funny...you didn't end up in jail. So, your belief about that isn't necessarily true.
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She was with the same dude both times...at a bar late at night. Like boy, how could I expect they were together? Lol. People are not looking at this logically, it very possible she wanted to make the other dude jealous, and to subsequently have him start a fight over her. The moment I went to her, she could've instigated that.
Not that it matter bc I'll likely never see her again, anyway...
What people are trying to get you to understand is that while it's possible she wanted to make the other dude jealous, it's also possible she didn't. And since you yourself said you're a snappy dresser, AND, she approached you and complimented you on your style of dress well...that's probably why she was staring. She liked what you were wearing.
When she complimented you, did you even say, 'Thank you'...with a smile?
If random folks are telling you you should be in the movies, you are probably not ugly.
True. The OP may just be "interesting looking".
It's easy to get wigged out when someone stares at you. It's happened to me, and I have felt damned uncomfortable about it, too.
Anyone who feels ugly and unworthy should read a few books about self esteem and self image. I started reading such books long before most posters were even born and the teachings of those books have guided my life.
I'm a retired salesman, now. Married 31 years.
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