Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasper.cromwell72
Once upon a time years ago I was engaged to be married, actually 2 days away from the wedding day. My fiance at the time tells me that one of her ex's called her wanting to take her on a road trip, and that she just gave him the whatever treatment. As I pried a little deeper, I asked her didn't he know that she was engaged to be married, and she informed me that he did not. Needless to say I was pissed, 2 days from marriage and we can't tell our ex. At that point I decided to call of the wedding figured if she can't tell her near ex's this was a no go. She begged me not to call off the wedding and said she would set things straight with her ex.
Fast forward a couple of months, we are married and living in a constant state of tension, yes do to ex's. There were 2 others which she continued to talk to. I was reasonably good with it as long as the contents of those conversations were appropriate. Unfortunately that was asking too much. So we had constant fights over the ex's and the contents of their communications and I kept telling her to clean them up. Her argument was she did nothing wrong. At some point I found a scrapbook full of pictures on my side of the closet labeled "My Baby" which was the contents from boyfriend #1. I'm livid at this point, I also find pictures of her having sex with boyfriend #1 on her laptop. At this point I pack and leave. I can't say that we made up but I came back and told her everything has to go, except pictures of kids and ex husband and those kind of mementos I was over the ex boyfriend thing. Boyfriend #2 had to disappear completely and boyfriend #3 was on notice.
She allegedly deleted the sex photos from the laptop and got rid of the old mementos, or so I was told. Later I still found the sex pictures on the laptop of boyfriend #1. Round 763 of the fight continued until she dumped the laptop somewhere. I was really really trying to be open minded and understanding about boyfriend #3 insisting that they clean up their communications to reflect that she was now married. Somewhere in this time frame I found out that boyfriend #1 didn't call her 2 days before we were married and he did not receive the whatever treatment but that she had called him. Strangely enough she couldn't remember the circumstances around that call at all.
Well boyfriend #3 couldn't clean up his act so I told her to give it a break. Just let it rest awhile. Unfortunately I found out that was asking too much and she was secretly communicating with him behind my back. Of course she accused me to be a slash and burn kind of guy, burning every bridge in my past. At this point we had the sit down and shut the F___ up come to jesus lecture. This was a very one sided conversation to be summed up by you many Not understand my point of view, but you will understand the consequences. The new ground rules were if you dated them they are gone forever. If you have dated somebody in the past there is to be NO contact. After that there was 1 infraction that I let slide and we waded through the mess of our marriage for quite some time til we hit a decent long standing plateau.
Recently our grand daughter was playing in her jewelry drawer and pulls out a diamond engagement ring. Here we are 14 years later and she is holding onto the engagement ring of boyfriend #2. I was dumbstruck, now this engagement ring was probably of no more value than a WalMart special. Needless to say I am quite quite uncomfortable with this after all of these years and all the fights that ensued over this in the past.
So am I the a__h__e, probably, am I justified, not sure but I think so. What do you think?
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Sorry, I didn't make it through the second paragraph due to an intense need to express my feelings on this (ridiculous) problem that you have with your wife.
This woman is not meeting your needs and she is keeping you in turmoil because she has a problem "letting go" of ex boyfriends. Being married is the way you think it should be and not her way. You are correct in all of your thinking (other than agreeing to the talks so long as she cleans it up). You need to lay the law down on what you will and will not tolerate. A wife who keeps pics and videos on her computer of intimate relations with another man is NOT normal. She has severe issues and is extremely immature. She is not committed to you and you really need to leave, file for a divorce and move on.
Hopefully this would be a life lesson learned, and you don't allow yourself to be put in situations like that again. If it doesn't just come easy and make you feel loved and secure and happy then move on. Being alone and happy is far better than being with someone that keeps you upset.
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