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Once upon a time years ago I was engaged to be married, actually 2 days away from the wedding day. My fiance at the time tells me that one of her ex's called her wanting to take her on a road trip, and that she just gave him the whatever treatment. As I pried a little deeper, I asked her didn't he know that she was engaged to be married, and she informed me that he did not. Needless to say I was pissed, 2 days from marriage and we can't tell our ex. At that point I decided to call of the wedding figured if she can't tell her near ex's this was a no go. She begged me not to call off the wedding and said she would set things straight with her ex.
Fast forward a couple of months, we are married and living in a constant state of tension, yes do to ex's. There were 2 others which she continued to talk to. I was reasonably good with it as long as the contents of those conversations were appropriate. Unfortunately that was asking too much. So we had constant fights over the ex's and the contents of their communications and I kept telling her to clean them up. Her argument was she did nothing wrong. At some point I found a scrapbook full of pictures on my side of the closet labeled "My Baby" which was the contents from boyfriend #1. I'm livid at this point, I also find pictures of her having sex with boyfriend #1 on her laptop. At this point I pack and leave. I can't say that we made up but I came back and told her everything has to go, except pictures of kids and ex husband and those kind of mementos I was over the ex boyfriend thing. Boyfriend #2 had to disappear completely and boyfriend #3 was on notice.
She allegedly deleted the sex photos from the laptop and got rid of the old mementos, or so I was told. Later I still found the sex pictures on the laptop of boyfriend #1. Round 763 of the fight continued until she dumped the laptop somewhere. I was really really trying to be open minded and understanding about boyfriend #3 insisting that they clean up their communications to reflect that she was now married. Somewhere in this time frame I found out that boyfriend #1 didn't call her 2 days before we were married and he did not receive the whatever treatment but that she had called him. Strangely enough she couldn't remember the circumstances around that call at all.
Well boyfriend #3 couldn't clean up his act so I told her to give it a break. Just let it rest awhile. Unfortunately I found out that was asking too much and she was secretly communicating with him behind my back. Of course she accused me to be a slash and burn kind of guy, burning every bridge in my past. At this point we had the sit down and shut the F___ up come to jesus lecture. This was a very one sided conversation to be summed up by you many Not understand my point of view, but you will understand the consequences. The new ground rules were if you dated them they are gone forever. If you have dated somebody in the past there is to be NO contact. After that there was 1 infraction that I let slide and we waded through the mess of our marriage for quite some time til we hit a decent long standing plateau.
Recently our grand daughter was playing in her jewelry drawer and pulls out a diamond engagement ring. Here we are 14 years later and she is holding onto the engagement ring of boyfriend #2. I was dumbstruck, now this engagement ring was probably of no more value than a WalMart special. Needless to say I am quite quite uncomfortable with this after all of these years and all the fights that ensued over this in the past.
So am I the a__h__e, probably, am I justified, not sure but I think so. What do you think?
I still have my first wedding ring. I was going to have it stuck into a pendant but never got around to it in all these years. It never bothered my (now deceased) husband.
BTW, even if the ring disappears, you can't erase any memories from her head. Or control what she dreams at night, or who she might be thinking of when you are having sex. It's up to you how much drama you want to make out of an old ring.
Well this wasn't a wedding ring, this wasn't an ex husband's ring, this was an ex boyfriend that had dumped her for another woman,that she continued on corresponding with after the marriage, with repeated discussions on cleaning up the inappropriate contents of their communications.
I'm livid at this point, I also find pictures of her having sex with boyfriend #1 on her laptop. ... What do you think?
I think she should put those pictures on a thumb drive, keep that thumb drive with other mementos in a fireproof safe that no one can access but her, password-protect her laptop, and move on from an insecure, jealous, controlling man who looks for trouble and finds it because cannot handle that a woman had a life and memories before him.
Well I agree with keeping those things locked away for no one else to ever find. I'm glad you are so open about your SO keeping their sex library open for public view and having outside affairs while involved with you, it wasn't what I signed on for
Well I agree with keeping those things locked away for no one else to ever find. I'm glad you are so open about your SO keeping their sex library open for public view and having outside affairs while involved with you, it wasn't what I signed on for
If she cheated on you, you should have broken up with her and moved on. The rest of your post makes no sense. It was HER laptop, and therefore not open for public view. You had no business looking there.
As for a partner keeping a sex library, as long as he's not putting it on my technology, I wouldn't even know he had one. I have never felt compelled to look through a partner's things. If I didn't trust him to be faithful in a committed relationship with me, I would break up with him and move on.
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