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I bring this up because someone I know who was in abusive relationship(he hit her 20 year old daughter as well) said she’s happy now with him because she hasn’t been hit since April.
This seems like a low bar to be content with in a relationship.
I get the dynamics behind abuse and how it’s not easy to always leave but I think if there was a history of abuse even if it was just a few times and even if that person hasn’t hit me for awhile that would not be good enough reason for me to be content in a relationship.
Would any of you stay if the beatings stopped for awhile?
I bring this up because someone I know who was in abusive relationship(he hit her 20 year old daughter as well) said she’s happy now with him because she hasn’t been hit since April.
This seems like a low bar to be content with in a relationship.
I get the dynamics behind abuse and how it’s not easy to always leave but I think if there was a history of abuse even if it was just a few times and even if that person hasn’t hit me for awhile that would not be good enough reason for me to be content in a relationship.
Would any of you stay if the beatings stopped for awhile?
She forgave him for striking her child? I know that it's not easy to leave, but one would think that once a romantic partner struck one's child that the momma bear instinct would kick in and she'd begin to lay the groundwork for an eventual escape from the relationship.
There's no way that I'd stick 'round after the first incident, but not everyone has a solid support system *and* the mindset to not tolerate that kind of behavior from others.
She forgave him for striking her child? I know that it's not easy to leave, but one would think that once a romantic partner struck one's child that the momma bear instinct would kick in and she'd begin to lay the groundwork for an eventual escape from the relationship.
There's no way that I'd stick 'round after the first incident, but not everyone has a solid support system *and* the mindset to not tolerate that kind of behavior from others.
When I told her that she said her kid(she just turned 21) bit him that’s why he did it.
Which is true but the reason she bit him was because he was beating her mother and she stepped in
When I told her that she said her kid(she just turned 21) bit him that’s why he did it.
Which is true but the reason she bit him was because he was beating her mother and she stepped in
If she's making excuses for her abuser for whacking her her child, she's pretty far gone in terms of accepting his behavior as both acceptable and normal. I don't care if said child is one, eleven, or twenty-one, lives under the same roof as her mother or not. That is not acceptable behavior.
Not much that anyone on the outside can do to help her if she doesn't seem to see a problem with this guy.
There was a point where I'd broken up with my ex, but I was still living in the house for about a year after the breakup. I was hoping he'd figure out what he wanted to do so that I could just let him have whatever he wanted and get out with no further ongoing drama. I think that he was waiting for me to figure out what I wanted, so he could try and punish me by fighting me for it or something. We just plain didn't know how best to quickly go about disentangling our lives, you get a lot of stuff all twisted together after so long. The finances, house, kids...what does life look like on the other side? It's scary and hard.
We had both started seeing other people, though I was doing this outside of the home...kids did not meet my partners, nor did the Ex... And he was bringing every woman he tried to date around, because he felt that showing them he had a house and stuff was the only way to convince them to be with him. It was all so bizarre. And he was still relying on me for tons of emotional support. Very messy situation for a time. Eventually he moved a whole other family into the house and seemed to not realize that I couldn't support two entire families on my income and his disability money. And that other family was SO bad... They trashed the place, brought a bunch of animals, her kids were wild, it was terrible. Like addicts, we had to hit rock bottom, I guess, and within a week or so of them moving in I told the ex and the new woman, "I'm leaving. I am going to look for a new place to live now, and I'm taking my income with me. Ya'll have maybe a month or two to get something figured out, how you're gonna live, only until I find a place and get out. So you'd better get on it."
And I did. The horror of what I was living with got worse that I could have imagined so finally I had it and got out of there.
One of the people I dated, a woman I'm still close to today, asked me the first night we met, after I'd told her about my situation, "How bad is it going to have to get, before you get yourself out of there?"
That bad, apparently.
An abusive relationship can be a long dance where at times you think that they seem reasonable and you almost forget what the bad time felt like. But the bad times always come back. And they tend to eventually get SO bad that you just can't stay, that you KNOW, it's time...I have to get out of this. But I do think, a lot of the time, people have to hit that rock bottom. They have to feel ready. You don't change your life when you are relatively comfortable, it takes a certain level of disturbance to really force a change.
Even now there are times that I talk to my ex on the phone and he seems...reasonable. Rational. In his better times, he could be an amazing guy. Whatever part I really loved was built on that potential. You love the person you know that they can be. You want to believe in them. But I always remind myself, there were unforgivable things that happened, and to this day I know, he does not see how wrong he was, he hasn't really changed, that other man, the one who hurt us so much, is still in there. I don't forget that anymore.
It's complicated. And I stand by something I've said before...if you want to be supportive to someone you know, who is in an abusive relationship, your best bet is to make sure they know that you are there for them, and be prepared to truly BE THERE for them if it ever hits the fan. I might have left sooner if I'd ever really believed that anyone in my life would step up and care and help with no judgment, but I always felt like I was on my own. Like even those who said, "let me know if I can help"...didn't really want to or expect to, and it would be a burden if I ever asked. But the only ones who ever said such things were people who had little or nothing to give in terms of help anyhow. It's easy to say, when you know that someone will never ask for what you're "offering."
Wouldn’t this be teaching him that this is acceptable behavior?
Why are you even confused about this?
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I know that it's not easy to leave, but one would think that once a romantic partner struck one's child that the momma bear instinct would kick in and she'd begin to lay the groundwork for an eventual escape from the relationship. 
