Wife out of love after 6 months of marriage (call, advice, personality)
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Thank you. I'm on the verge of doing that, but I want to check different angles and consult other people/family/psychologist. She says she still loves me and she needs time to think.
Separate. Make an agreement and get a legal separation. Six months. Three months, maybe.
It may turn out to be the very best thing you ever did in that it is not THE END quite yet. Many people find separation is the thing that saved them both.
That's tough, man. I hope she's super hot at least.
Hot, but her personality detracts from her attractiveness for me. I'd rather have married someone not as attractive/high maintenance with more traditional thinking and nurturing tendencies. I want a woman who likes to take care of the family. I had that before and blew it.
She could have done that before the wedding, though. Why marry someone under a false persona, where she (feels she) has to play-act the person she thinks the OP wants in his life? The way she explained it, the whole thing was a sham courtship and a sham marriage. She didn't say she finally realized they're not compatible. She said she's tired of pretending and trying to be someone she's not. Well, who told her to do that? Where did she get the idea she needed to pretend?
And it may not be true, that she faked everything. It could be like Seija says, where she was infatuated with the OP, then woke up 6 months after the marriage and realized it was all a mistake. Or began realizing it soon after the wedding, and gained clarity about that as the 6 months wore on. OR went into a depressive phase at some point after the wedding.
But that's not what she said. She told him she'd faked being the right person for him. That's quite a statement! It's quite a situation she got herself and the OP into, by asking to move in with him (SHE initiated that), then gushing about marriage, babies, and calling him "husband" while they were living together. And sure, the OP could have put on the brakes, and said they should take more time to get to know each other. My theory is that she was hot, and he folded in the face of her enthusiasm.
Was that not so much -- enthusiasm, as it was a major manic phase, and now she's in a depressive phase? Or was it simple infatuation of a 26-year-old recovering from a major break-up, followed by reality hitting her after the I-do's were said? We'll probably never know. Only the OP might be able to figure that out.
But the fact that she's not only cold towards him, but rude, sounds serious and final. I don't know where her "I still love you" statement fits in with all that. There's too much up, down, I-don't-know-I-need-to-think going on in only 1-1/2 years. Too intense.
Good points but humans don't always make sense and in the end, does it really matter if she faked or did not fake, did she play an act or did not?
All that matters now is that it is not working for her. What matters is if she wants to turn things around.
Thank you for your insights, Ruth and thanks to all of you guys for voicing your opinions. I'm not giving up on my marriage just yet, but I need to be more in control in the future. If we can salvage this one, good for us. Otherwise I'll make someone else happy/unhappy
Woah, so how much longer are you going to give it? 6 more mos, 1, 3, 5, 7+ yrs? She'll still act the same, if not worse. What more does she have to tell you other than that very serious list you listed that she said in your OP (opening post)?
And if she suddenly turns back into the woman you said you wish she was at first, are you really going to trust that & think, "OK, great we're back on track!" I doubt that & it's definitely not that simple.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 01-06-2022 at 03:08 PM..
You don't know the facts. Her intentions were real, and she is not a mail order bride. So sick of that term. So outdated and untrue. I didn't get played, but I did miss many red flags. You're right, not a feminist by American standards, just a bit lazy and wants me to do 75% of everything house related + 100% income currently.
I know what you presented on this forum. Whenever you wrote about her my internal "bookie" lowered the odds of your marriage succeeding. She told you she would work. She has yet to get a job. She went along with the idea of being in a marriage of partners. She goes out with her girlfriends and leaves you to take care of her son. A lot of people here warned you. I kept silent because as you say, I don't know "the facts." I also hoped it work out for you. But everything you wrote had me thinking, "I give it six months before he is speaking of the possibility of divorce" and here we are.
You're right, it was very intense. She called me Adonis and I called her a Victoria's Secret model There was a lot of sex in the early stages and not a lot of deep talk. On the other hand there was a lot of stuff we enjoyed doing- mostly sports and travelling.
My feelings are I want the woman she had been before we married. If I only get to have the nightmare she became afterwards, I'm out of here.
Oh dear. You know that emotionally healthy people are always growing and evolving, yes? This means that they inherently do not stay the same people their entire lives. Maybe that is a view from too high up compared to the immediate discussion, but I make it because no matter what, a 26-year-old is not going to stay 26.
Also, marriage inherently changes people because living with another human being, day after day, year after year, for the rest of one's life, is NOT all fun and games, travel and sports and sex all the time. People get sick. People lose their jobs. There is a household to run, bills to pay, families and in-laws to juggle, a future to build, and compromises to be made. But also, people who marry tend to share common goals. It sounds like neither of you thought to discuss what you wanted to achieve together, what you would do if life threw one or both of you a curve ball, how you would work toward a family or retirement together.
TL:dr; If all you want is a ton of sex and an activity partner for sports and travel, don't marry. Goodness.
I sometimes wonder how our older generation ever survived their 50 plus years of marriage. I'm sure many of you have read stories of couples celebrating their 50-70 year anniversaries, and many of them seemed to have very brief courtships before the guy proposed, they got married, and lived for such a long time together.
Must be the internet/social media generation where people these days have such short attention spans and quickly lose interest in whatever they do.
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