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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoAmericaGo
I never inferred that weight makes you a “better person”. If you are healthier you are a better version of yourself. If you strive to also find a partner that is/has become a physically healthier/better version of themselves you will certainly reduce the dating pool. Again, nothing insightful on my part.
I'm not a better version of myself. I'm lighter. It also doesn't mean I'm healthier.
I'm not a doctor so I'm not going to determine what version of a person I meet is the healthy version of them. Since I meet them at a single point in time I can't shop among their versions. It's not relevant at all.
You're pretending to use health as a cover for aesthetics. It would be more honest to just say "no fatties" and be done with it.
If he was genuine in that it was self improvement, it wouldn't impact dating. If it's really something someone does for themselves it's not going to even cross their mind to impose it as a standard on others. It takes some mental hoops to try to even try to protray the premise as normal or inevitable.
In other words, I'm not buying his "save" one little bit.
When people engage upon self improvement the natural course of things seems to be a fondness for people in their same lane. For example, a person that goes from broke/in debt to financially secure through years of budgeting/saving/doing without will likely have a great fondness for someone who also manages their money well. A long term relationship is a lot about melding two lives into one. The unapologetic spendthrift that’s in debt up to their eyeballs may not mesh well long term with wannabe Dave Ramsey person.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,146,108 times
Reputation: 40640
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoAmericaGo
When people engage upon self improvement the natural course of things seems to be a fondness for people in their same lane. For example, a person that goes from broke/in debt to financially secure through years of budgeting/saving/doing without will likely have a great fondness for someone who also manages their money well. A long term relationship is a lot about melding two lives into one. The unapologetic spendthrift that’s in debt up to their eyeballs may not mesh well long term with wannabe Dave Ramsey person.
You keep saying this. It doesn't make it true. It might be true for you, and for some others, but its far from inevitable or natural or even typical.
It's also missing the mark on how people actually connect for relationships. It's not a check box game. It's not about fondness.
I'm not a better version of myself. I'm lighter. It also doesn't mean I'm healthier.
I'm not a doctor so I'm not going to determine what version of a person I meet is the healthy version of them. Since I meet them at a single point in time I can't shop among their versions. It's not relevant at all.
You're pretending to use health as a cover for aesthetics. It would be more honest to just say "no fatties" and be done with it.
If you’re goal is to change something about yourself it would make sense that you’ve rationalized it as becoming better in some way…even if it’s in a way only you can rationalize.
Like many people that are dating, sure, a healthy weight is on average more attractive. I don’t think that’s news to anyone. But it’s not about simply “no fatties” — a person that appears physically healthy could also smoke, do drugs, never exercise, eat nothing but junk food, etc — those things could be a deal breaker too if I’m someone that cares about looking AND being healthy.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,146,108 times
Reputation: 40640
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoAmericaGo
If you’re goal is to change something about yourself it would make sense that you’ve rationalized it as becoming better in some way…even if it’s in a way only you can rationalize.
Like many people that are dating, sure, a healthy weight is on average more attractive. I don’t think that’s news to anyone. But it’s not about simply “no fatties” — a person that appears physically healthy could also smoke, do drugs, never exercise, eat nothing but junk food, etc — those things could be a deal breaker too if I’m someone that cares about looking AND being healthy.
Speak for yourself and how YOU think about things.
Fine, you want someone not fat, into fitness, and lives a healthy life. And so? Other than not fat, almost none of those things are going to be known until you've dated awhile and all our Subject to change at any moment.
You keep saying this. It doesn't make it true. It might be true for you, and for some others, but its far from inevitable or natural or even typical.
It's also missing the mark on how people actually connect for relationships. It's not a check box game. It's not about fondness.
I don’t see how you’ve refuted anything I said.
Having common characteristics and goals IS something that goes into making a relationship. Call it check boxes or whatever you will.
One person likes a clean house…the other is a slob…
One person loves pets…the other person hates them…
One person smokes…the other person doesn’t….
One person exercises…the other person doesn’t….
One person is a good steward of money…the other isn’t…
One person is religious…the other isn’t….
One person wants kids…the other doesn’t…
These are all “check boxes” that people wade through in the search for long term compatible matches.
Speak for yourself and how YOU think about things.
Fine, you want someone not fat, into fitness, and lives a healthy life. And so? Other than not fat, almost none of those things are going to be known until you've dated awhile and all our Subject to change at any moment.
What experience have you personally had with dating and romantic relationships? If we are to take your pronouncements as gospel, perhaps you could share your credentials.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,146,108 times
Reputation: 40640
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoAmericaGo
I don’t see how you’ve refuted anything I said.
Having common characteristics and goals IS something that goes into making a relationship. Call it check boxes or whatever you will.
One person likes a clean house…the other is a slob…
One person loves pets…the other person hates them…
One person smokes…the other person doesn’t….
One person exercises…the other person doesn’t….
One person is a good steward of money…the other isn’t…
One person is religious…the other isn’t….
One person wants kids…the other doesn’t…
These are all “check boxes” that people wade through in the search for long term compatible matches.
Its not how people find chemistry and fall in love, which is rare enough as it is. You make it sound like looking for a roommate and business partner.
And yes, I refute your notion that if a person exercises or whatever they'll tend to then shrink they're dating pool over it. I've never seen it and it doesn't make any sense to me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,146,108 times
Reputation: 40640
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoAmericaGo
That’s just part of the dating process.
So the pool is still the same and still needs to be waded through.
Got it. Thanks for refuting your own hypothesis.
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