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Well, here's a 'real world' example - the woman with whom I have been conversing for about the last two months or so has asked me questions like "Where do you live? Do you live alone or with family? Where do you work? Do you work from home? What sort of music do you like? Do you like to cook? Do you have siblings? What are those bracelets you wear?" And so forth.
Now, contrary to that coming off as an 'interview' as it would be described by a few, I enjoy it when people ask me questions because it demonstrates curiosity and interest in me as a person. Is she running through some 'checklist'? Perhaps... or perhaps not. But WHO CARES?! Does it really matter?
To me, no.
Sounds reasonable. Dating someone IS basically long drawn out interview in some respects….sometimes feelings develop over the course of it and sometimes not. Most people have a long list of things they would like to know about a person…especially if their intent is to find a long term relationship. You probably wouldn’t just start firing off serious question after question on a first date but questions are a good way to make conversation. Do you like to cook? Do you cook often? Oh, what type of food? So on and so forth.
Maybe it's been asked, but how old are you, Go? That's not a veiled insult or a loaded question, but it makes more sense out of the items you chose to use to define "better". Which is maybe where I'll take this.
The water here is pink with your blood, but if you had said something like;
Isn't it kind of ironic that as people improve themselves they often expect more from a prospective romantic partner, and those higher expectations make a partner harder to find,
there wouldn't likely be this feeding frenzy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoAmericaGo
I never intended to use the word “better” as meaning worth more as a person. I meant better as in the process of one bettering themselves…becoming better. Any weight ones comes in at doesn’t make them inherently better than another person.
I figured that is what you meant--self-improvement. Here is my experience, and some will like it and some will not. I have found that as I worked on myself, it became easier to meet people, but harder to find people with the same experiences that I could relate to. This is going to sound very harsh, but a lot of people seem to live under the impression that there is a point in life where one is "finished" and "complete," and no further growth or self-improvement is necessary. I would not be attracted to anyone with that mindset.
I am not saying we all have to chase more money, higher positions, more degrees, a bigger house, more things, and firmer butts. Do not misunderstand: There is nothing wrong with being happy or content with your salary, job, educational level, or body. Happiness is to a large extent being content with what you have. But there is always something we can work on to better ourselves, and I would not be attracted to someone who had sufficient arrogance as to belief himself beyond need of self-improvement. In fact, it would be obvious what he needed to work on: his humility.
At the risk of upsetting some of the people here I like rather much, I think some people need to step back and not be so sensitive or take it so personally. I think maybe some here see themselves in what he said as a criticism of them, ie, if one is overweight one might feel defensive about his comments about weight. I understand that. I see myself in some of his other comments (ie, I would probably be too "spendy" for him) and I found myself thinking, "Oh my GOD with the Americans on this forum and the money, money, MONEY, everything is MONEY with these people but what are they doing with all of that money they all claim to have except sitting in front of a computer judging other people?"
A bit personal and over the top, yes? Really what he is getting at is financial compatibility.
Okay, a random stranger on the internet wouldn't want to date me if I were his age.
So what? We all have our things that we value, like, or want in a partner. That is a good thing. Imagine if we were all the same. How boring it would be.
Sounds reasonable. Dating someone IS basically long drawn out interview in some respects….sometimes feelings develop over the course of it and sometimes not. Most people have a long list of things they would like to know about a person…especially if their intent is to find a long term relationship. You probably wouldn’t just start firing off serious question after question on a first date but questions are a good way to make conversation. Do you like to cook? Do you cook often? Oh, what type of food? So on and so forth.
1) You exercise and aren't fat, you want someone the same.
2) Your logical leap then goes to, this is only natural, people do this. People are selective on this because I am. It only makes sense. People should do this, its part of compatibility!
3) So many people let themselves go. I'm selective. They're not in my dating pool. They wouldn't be in other people's dating pool that exercise and are in shape. It only makes sense.
4) I'm better than those people that let themselves go. Us people that exercise and are what you determine to be height/weight proportionate are better and we naturally want each other and not those other people that let themselves go.
This is what this thread has been.
It's garbage. Pure garbage.
I try to exercise (but I’m certainly not fanatical) and keep my weight at a healthy level. I’m attracted to someone that does the same in large part because I know how easy it is to just let yourself stop caring about physical health. I see seeking someone that shares that particular interest as a way of keeping each other motivated. I don’t think that’s anything to apologize for and I’m in no way trying to shame anyone. I have plenty of my own problems.
I figured that is what you meant--self-improvement. Here is my experience, and some will like it and some will not. I have found that as I worked on myself, it became easier to meet people, but harder to find people with the same experiences that I could relate to. This is going to sound very harsh, but a lot of people seem to live under the impression that there is a point in life where one is "finished" and "complete," and no further growth or self-improvement is necessary. I would not be attracted to anyone with that mindset.
I am not saying we all have to chase more money, higher positions, more degrees, a bigger house, more things, and firmer butts. Do not misunderstand: There is nothing wrong with being happy or content with your salary, job, educational level, or body. Happiness is to a large extent being content with what you have. But there is always something we can work on to better ourselves, and I would not be attracted to someone who had sufficient arrogance as to belief himself beyond need of self-improvement. In fact, it would be obvious what he needed to work on: his humility.
At the risk of upsetting some of the people here I like rather much, I think some people need to step back and not be so sensitive or take it so personally. I think maybe some here see themselves in what he said as a criticism of them, ie, if one is overweight one might feel defensive about his comments about weight. I understand that. I see myself in some of his other comments (ie, I would probably be too "spendy" for him) and I found myself thinking, "Oh my GOD with the Americans on this forum and the money, money, MONEY, everything is MONEY with these people but what are they doing with all of that money they all claim to have except sitting in front of a computer judging other people?"
A bit personal and over the top, yes? Really what he is getting at is financial compatibility.
Okay, a random stranger on the internet wouldn't want to date me if I were his age.
So what? We all have our things that we value, like, or want in a partner. That is a good thing. Imagine if we were all the same. How boring it would be.
All excellent points, especially the bolded.
And to drift back to a comment about this thread 'making' overweight people feel bad about themselves... please, that is just deflection. People should take responsibility for their own feelings and not hand it over to an anonymous face on an anonymous board.
If someone cranked up a thread 'trashing' LGBTQ folk it wouldn't affect me in the least. I would most likely be giggling my way through the ignorance and stupidity of it.
Self-acceptance. Self-esteem. Self-respect. SELF-LOVE! Get them, hold onto them, and never let them be pried away from you by ANYONE, whether IRL or on some silly message board.
1) You exercise and aren't fat, you want someone the same.
2) Your logical leap then goes to, this is only natural, people do this. People are selective on this because I am. It only makes sense. People should do this, its part of compatibility!
3) So many people let themselves go. I'm selective. They're not in my dating pool. They wouldn't be in other people's dating pool that exercise and are in shape. It only makes sense.
4) I'm better than those people that let themselves go. Us people that exercise and are what you determine to be height/weight proportionate are better and we naturally want each other and not those other people that let themselves go.
This is what this thread has been.
It's garbage. Pure garbage.
I will play devil's advocate and say is it garbage, or just projection? It is easy when we're young to assume everyone values the same things and defines self-improvement the same way, especially when it comes to material things like money, status, or a hot body. That's what this society teaches us.
And then we get older and our priorities change, and we stop to think that maybe "society" has its head up its butt with what it teaches us, or we meet people with different priorities and oh dear, maybe we even fall in love with them and Fate laughs.
And to drift back to a comment about this thread 'making' overweight people feel bad about themselves... please, that is just deflection. People should take responsibility for their own feelings and not hand it over to an anonymous face on an anonymous board.
If someone cranked up a thread 'trashing' LGBTQ folk it wouldn't affect me in the least. I would most likely be giggling my way through the ignorance and stupidity of it.
Self-acceptance. Self-esteem. Self-respect. SELF-LOVE! Get them, hold onto them, and never let them be pried away from you by ANYONE, whether IRL or on some silly message board.
Exactly. I’m a person that has severely struggled with self acceptance, self esteem and self love all my life so I would hate for anyone to think I’m this super healthy buff person that thinks he’s so much better than other people. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Part of picking myself up has been trying to be healthier physically and mentally. People that I REALLY think are physically healthy would just laugh at me.
OP, you started talking about health, and now you are zeroed in on weight, even throwing out the "300 lb woman" bete noir. You are looking very transparent and foolish right now.
OP, you started talking about health, and now you are zeroed in on weight, even throwing out the "300 lb woman" bete noir. You are looking very transparent and foolish right now.
**I** didn’t zero in on weight — I just defended myself from a flood of accusations that I was saying weight itself made someone a “better person” than anyone else. If that makes me look foolish — so be it.
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