I don’t get how someone can “grow on you” (dance, family)
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I had a friend when I was younger. An interesting guy, a definite type A personality, and always in motion. He wasn't a particularly nice guy, and he was not a particularly attractive guy. Girls would at first brush him off but he somehow won them over. But he must have been dynamite in the sack because once he got them they were sort of hypnotized by him. They would move in with him, clean his house, answer his phone, take care of his pets when he was away, pretty much do anything he asked them to. And some of them were beauties as well. He definitely grew on them.
I had a friend when I was younger. An interesting guy, a definite type A personality, and always in motion. He wasn't a particularly nice guy, and he was not a particularly attractive guy. Girls would at first brush him off but he somehow won them over. But he must have been dynamite in the sack because once he got them they were sort of hypnotized by him. They would move in with him, clean his house, answer his phone, take care of his pets when he was away, pretty much do anything he asked them to. And some of them were beauties as well. He definitely grew on them.
I had a friend when I was younger. An interesting guy, a definite type A personality, and always in motion. He wasn't a particularly nice guy, and he was not a particularly attractive guy. Girls would at first brush him off but he somehow won them over. But he must have been dynamite in the sack because once he got them they were sort of hypnotized by him. They would move in with him, clean his house, answer his phone, take care of his pets when he was away, pretty much do anything he asked them to. And some of them were beauties as well. He definitely grew on them.
Was he a vampire? JK
Years back when I visited one of my friends, we'd have chats with her mother. Not sure how this came up exactly. Her Mom was quite the talker. She talked about my friend's Dad and how he kept asking her out. Guess he wore her down or so she says.
Sometimes certain people and songs can do that to me. I don't mean to listen to them but when I was commuting, I either kept running into them or if on radio, only decent station that was on,... Ended up liking them enough. Guess they sorta grew on me?
No two people are perfectly sexually matched all the time. Every couple, sooner or later, will run into some kind of difference, whether it is desire, sufficient energy to have sex (think of parents with babies), dysfunction (erectile or other), or style. Sex is really no different than the rest of the relationship: No two people agree on everything, or even feel the same level of agreement or passion for something, and people change as time goes on. That is all okay. As long as no one shames, forces, or otherwise coerces their partner to do things their way when their partner doesn't want to, it's normal and just part of life. If two people love one another, they work through it together.
Yes, absolutely. Having a difference in our libidos or not finding he absolutely lights my fire more than any other human walking the earth doesn’t really matter much. Truly. Having a bunch of areas of marriage be excellent and this one being solidly good is plenty for me. Neither of us is perfect, we worked at it and adjusted and actively decided to love one another and be happy.
Our marriage has survived a special needs child, infant death, two massive moves, teenagers, major health problems, and the stresses of daily living. Clearly sexual compatibility not being totally lined up hasn’t hurt us
It just proves the point that love doesn’t create sexual attraction physical attraction does because she loves this guy and still isn’t attracted to him sexually because he’s not her type physically.
I was told love can create sexual attraction even if the physical attraction isn’t there
Love can create sexual attraction. Because suddenly, your emotions affect your view of the person, and he starts to look attractive to you. Your vision is tremendously affected by your emotional state, and by your mind. If your mind starts telling you "this person is interesting. This person's pretty cool", your perception of that person, including your visual perception, will change.
Your eyes aren't separate from your mind and emotions; your visual faculty can be heavily biased by your mental and emotional state.
Of course the passion goes in and out and dies down after a period of time but she is saying it was NEVER there.
Once again look at it from the other persons perspective as well.
If your husband told you that you don’t really turn him on physically so the sex isn’t great for him because of that but he loves you anyway would you like that?
I don’t know if this is directed at me, but I certainly didn’t say that. I said it’s solidly good, but the weakest part of our relationship whereby we are otherwise fantastic matches. My husband would actually agree with my assessment, as we have both had to adjust to one another’s interests and differing sex drives with love, understanding, and a lot of humor
We have had eight children together. And are happy. He’s never cheated. Neither have I. And things are warm and intimate and comfortable. I love my husband so much, and believe him when he says the same. I don’t know anyone else’s marriage or needs, but I know that sexual chemistry and sexual attraction are there, but not as critical as our culture leads people to believe. They matter and shouldn’t be ignored - a happy marriage is one with intimacy of all kinds, including sexual. But it doesn’t need to be huge sexual chemistry to be satisfying intimate and fun.
I don’t know if this is directed at me, but I certainly didn’t say that. I said it’s solidly good, but the weakest part of our relationship whereby we are otherwise fantastic matches. My husband would actually agree with my assessment, as we have both had to adjust to one another’s interests and differing sex drives with love, understanding, and a lot of humor
We have had eight children together. And are happy. He’s never cheated. Neither have I. And things are warm and intimate and comfortable. I love my husband so much, and believe him when he says the same. I don’t know anyone else’s marriage or needs, but I know that sexual chemistry and sexual attraction are there, but not as critical as our culture leads people to believe. They matter and shouldn’t be ignored - a happy marriage is one with intimacy of all kinds, including sexual. But it doesn’t need to be huge sexual chemistry to be satisfying intimate and fun.
I threw shade on it because I was told sexual attraction can grow over time even if their isn’t instant physical attraction and the person I responded to said she loves her husband but it doesn’t create sexual attraction for her.
That’s basically a friendship then
No, that’s not what I said. You’re being a little insultingly reductive here. Read the original post and my follow ups here, for clarity. If you’re taking away from them that I have no sexual attraction to my husband you’ve missed the mark by a mile
Years back when I visited one of my friends, we'd have chats with her mother. Not sure how this came up exactly. Her Mom was quite the talker. She talked about my friend's Dad and how he kept asking her out. Guess he wore her down or so she says.
I think that's what my current ex-boyfriend (if you can call it that since we only dated for about a month or so) is thinking. He wore down his late wife and is hoping that in time I'll change my mind; though I've tried explaining it to him that it's likely not going to happen.
Same with a friend at church. When he was still married I wouldn't hang out with him unless I was with another female friend (his wife was sick in a nursing home for several years); once his wife passed away I told him I'd only go out if he understood that I'm not interested in a relationship with him. He said he wasn't either. I've wondered if it's best to just not have any relationship with either of them; however, I explained clearly the case to both of them and figure it's up to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schmooky
No, that’s not what I said. You’re being a little insultingly reductive here. Read the original post and my follow ups here, for clarity. If you’re taking away from them that I have no sexual attraction to my husband you’ve missed the mark by a mile
I got what you were saying; and I'm hoping most others on here would as well. And I agree with the insultingly reductive attitude as well; things aren't always black and white. For me, I just feel it's a must that I have to enjoy looking at the person (I don't care to discuss specifics in the intimacy area, but let's just say I'm not one where there needs to be "fireworks" going off in the bedroom every night). For some reason, I've always been a very visual person and an introvert who prefers to be alone; so, if I'm going to allow someone to live with me, I'm going to need to want their physical presence around and it includes wanting to look at them (and really enjoying what I see).
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