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Generally stick to the state forums...but thought I would put a post in this section, after my first look at some of the topics here.
I found myself(not by choice) amicably divorced in my mid 50's. Suffice to say, the divorce was the result of a family tragedy that my former wife couldn't/wouldn't deal with/or get help for, even after 15 years. We are still sociable/courteous with each other, as we have 2 other sons.
My foray back into dating certainly was informative. I am sure that any opinions and obervations I present will be a signal for single women in this age group to challenge...fair enough.
1. Every woman is her mix of complexities...what applies to one, might be the opposite for another.
2. I met women through..mostly..the more reputable dating sites..ones I met through friends/relatives
did not fare well....with the resulting "wtf?..she was perfect for you."
3. Most women I met were quick to point out..often on that "meetngreet" date, that they were NOT,
looking for a man to "fix" or "save" them. Yet, based on their mentioned previous lives, that is
really what many were looking for. Maybe, in their minds, it felt better to tell me that.
4. Some, but certainly not all, wanted to keep some former guy they dated/ were married to/lived with,
"uncomfortably" close. I exempt those who had children while previously married, its only right that
the "exes" try to maintain a cordial relationship, if only as a courtesy for their children(no matter their
age). Two women made it clear to me that a certain guy, each had dated would stay a close friend.
When asked what close meant...weekly social media chat, maybe a lunch with the guy in some public
venue one in a great while, accepting an invite to some family function...minus me. They saw any
non acceptance of this(even if we morphed into a serious relationship), as over the top jealousy..
5. When presented with #4., I offered that some women wished to remain my friend in the same way
so that would be okay also, right?. No...other than the interaction with my ex(for our sons), they
saw no reason to be "close" to a previous woman I had met. Hmmm...they wanted it both ways...
6. In looking at a person for a potential long term partner, it's just a thing, men will look back at a
woman's past...as an indicator of how she might be in the future..women stress they only want to l
look forward. A woman's past should not be held as a negative against a serous relationship..But, in
two of the ten women I met over four years, a particular situation/event/concern was discovered
in getting to know them, that threw up a serious red flag for any future possibilities.
&. Suffice to say, the tenth woman I met over those four years, was the right fit...for both of us.
No question really...just some input..for what is was worth. And yes...there seemed to be the double standard for a number of these women. The one I finally connected with...divorced from husband years back..he was now deceased. And as she had some lifelong medical issued regarding getting pregnant...no kids or grandkids.
Think OP is saying there are double standards and, since he didn't ask, I'll ask for him... why are there double standards?
Because men and women are different, so the standards are different. One thing men and women have in common though is their approval or acceptance of double standards that benefit their own gender and their disdain for double standards that benefit the other one.
Because men and women are different, so the standards are different. One thing men and women have in common though is their approval or acceptance of double standards that benefit their own gender and their disdain for double standards that benefit the other one.
Thank you, hopefully the OP will find some benefit from your answer.
OP, people in their 50s/60s are often set in their ways. Some people, men and women, lead with this in obnoxious ways. Approaching a potential relationship by, unilaterally and outside of a genuine dialogue, telling the other person how he or she can behave is one of those ways.
People of any age ought to look at relationships as either enhancing their lives or not worth pursuing. It seems you've run into some women who want to take all the risk out of that, though, by setting terms that they hope will protect them. I'm willing to bet lots of women have encountered men taking the same tack.
The bashy part is at least implying that this is a woman thing. I know you date women so that's your experience, but as an all grown up adult can you not see that there's nothing new under the sun and that men and women both run the gamut of personality and experience and the interaction of the two?
Women are people, so proceed with caution. That's hardly news or thread worthy, unless you have a subtextual point to make.
Well, he is certainly entitled to think whatever he wants about women in their 50s and 60s. I would not call it woman bashing more like frustration venting.
As a 50 year old woman, after doing a lot of dating the last 6 or so months of last year, I found the men in their 50s to be incredibly boring and also to be ridiculously hung up on their exes. Oh well!
Since I have a lot of male friends I do know that interesting, smart, funny, passionate men do exist but obviously I did not meet them on online dating or the others I met through friends of friends lol
I do know several 50/60/70 year old women who maintain relationships with exes, mostly for money. They can always "borrow" if needed (they seem to be the ones who got the raw deal in divorce or lost out financially because of low/no job skills, etc.).
I have one friend/ex of sorts who is non-negotiable but that is because I am leaving that door open for the future. It is what it is.
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