Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree with all those things, and in fact I think it's a given. It's different though when we take that given and talk specifically about why we would or wouldn't date someone. And then there is the ableism of this public discussion.
Would you start a thread titled Would you date someone who is African American? Hispanic? Jewish? Catholic? Fat? Short?
Even if you would, at this point I don't think any of those threads would be allowed.
I'm pretty sure it would be fine to ask if you would date someone in Al Anon or Narc Anon. There have been plenty of discussion of things like this. It is part of modern life and dating to run into these things and a legit concern.
I'm pretty sure it would be fine to ask if you would date someone in Al Anon or Narc Anon. There have been plenty of discussion of things like this. It is part of modern life and dating to run into these things and a legit concern.
I know this next question can apply to most discussions, including the ones I start, but what is the likely motivation for asking those questions? What's the likely outcome? I guess I'm not sure about the motivation and could only speculate, but the outcome is clear in this thread and ones like them. They play out as opportunities for people to speak ill of the prospect of dating someone with X, and to directly or indirectly speak ill of people who have the trait or need. That's what's happening.
I know this next question can apply to most discussions, including the ones I start, but what is the likely motivation for asking those questions? What's the likely outcome? I guess I'm not sure about the motivation and could only speculate, but the outcome is clear in this thread and ones like them. They play out as opportunities for people to speak ill of the prospect of dating someone with X, and to directly or indirectly speak ill of people who have the trait or need. That's what's happening.
No, they are just discussions, forum posters seeking thoughts from other posters about dating. Not a sneaky attempt to be "mean". Some opinions may differ.
I think you will always find a "no" answer anytime you ask "would you date X?".
There is always someone, somewhere who doesn't like something. Could be big boobs, people with brown eyes, people who are too successful. Literally anything.
I would tell anyone who posts a question like this "The answer will be yes, no, and maybe". To ANY question about who you would date.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Nope, no dice. I work in the grocery industry and while I think there are some who benefit legitimately from ESAs, more often than not the use of them are by people who want an excuse to carry around at best a unsocialized animal and at worst carry around a hazardous animal. I had a store manager who got crazy looked at because he stopped a customer with a very long snake that claimed ESA from entering the store. I should not have to explain why that store in Atlanta does not want a huge snake anywhere near the store. Honestly, I wouldn’t date anyone who legit needed one because I don’t want to deal with the issues that required them to have one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Hell no.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
No way. I need to be around an emotionally stable person. Someone who needs a dog around all the time for their emotional needs is someone using the animal as a crutch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
No, they are just discussions, forum posters seeking thoughts from other posters about dating. Not a sneaky attempt to be "mean". Some opinions may differ.
These responses were from the first 4 pages. They're more like declarations, not comments that engender discussion.
There were other more nuanced comments from people who would not date someone with an ESA, and there were positive some comments. That people in general and especially emotionally vulnerable people will see and take in the negative comments more than the positive ones, and the "hell no" kinds of comments most of all, is basic human nature. And those comments will hurt. Real people.
So threads like this will do harm, and that harm outweighs any value that comes from people whose opinions are already etched in stone agreeing about which people are terrible dating prospects.
Another thread made me think of this...
Would you date someone that had an emotional support dog (or other animal)?
Not to be confused with an actual support dog that is trained to perform specific tasks.
No. I absolutely would not. Reasoning? To me the ESA is an indicator of a broken person, and I do not need any of that baggage in my life. Also, I'm not inclined to be an enabler and I dislike drama. It would be a mismatch. Your mileage may vary.
These responses were from the first 4 pages. They're more like declarations, not comments that engender discussion.
There were other more nuanced comments from people who would not date someone with an ESA, and there were positive some comments. That people in general and especially emotionally vulnerable people will see and take in the negative comments more than the positive ones, and the "hell no" kinds of comments most of all, is basic human nature. And those comments will hurt. Real people.
So threads like this will do harm, and that harm outweighs any value that comes from people whose opinions are already etched in stone agreeing about which people are terrible dating prospects.
Especially when a number of people making those declarations are already long in committed relationships or married. "Well, this isn't relevant to me and I haven't had to think about this in years and therefore have a lot of old information stored in my brain from a time when mental illness and its treatment were dirty little secrets, but let me just put my uneducated negativity out there into the universe."
That's how it comes off to me. I may be biased because neutralizing stigma against mental illness is one of my causes in life, but I do think that some people here are stuck in the 1980s or earlier and really need to apply some basic rules to their own posts: Is it modern, is it relevant, is it helpful, is it productive, is it kind or uplifting? If so, post. If not, don't.
I think you will always find a "no" answer anytime you ask "would you date X?".
There is always someone, somewhere who doesn't like something. Could be big boobs, people with brown eyes, people who are too successful. Literally anything.
I would tell anyone who posts a question like this "The answer will be yes, no, and maybe". To ANY question about who you would date.
But if it's about political leanings, the discussion is shut down and people are warned off that line of thought. Discussions about men's height (women's?) and race are not allowed or closely watched if they veer into those areas. I think it's the same for weight?
Those discussions go badly and are likely a nuisance to moderate, but they go badly (went badly) because there were significant #s of people with X posting here who were offended, or others were offended on their behalf. And sure, there were other comments that offered support or positives, but who hears those when the topic is about something the person has had to struggle with and when the negative comments sound so familiar? Is it news to short men or fat women that they have their detractors? I'm 6-1 and some short men got inordinately hostile when those discussions were all the rage, but my lasting memory will be fairly thoughtful women who often made sense in other discussions being reduced to saying that short men don't match their shoe preferences. I was like, "WTF, we can read what you're writing. You did say it out loud."
An emotional support animal is legally a piece of medical equipment that has to be prescribed by a mental health professional. It is specifically and legally for persons with a mental health disability that is limiting their ability to live a normal life.
Persons who are no more mentally or emotionally distressed than the average person and who prescribe their own emotional support animal without any medical opinion do NOT have an emotional support animal. They have a pet that they like to keep around because it makes them feel better or feel happier, or whatever it does for them, but their pet is not an emotional support animal.
Obtaining an approval letter for an ESA is mostly just dependent on taking the time to make a plausible case for it to a therapist. It's quite low threshold and not something therapists will tend to drag their feet about.
And again, huge numbers of people experience emotional distress. It's not a fringe thing. Observing no apparent means of psychological support in someone in no way indicates that 1- they don't have some, or 2- that they couldn't use some. The only thing you can safely say about the difference between one person with no ESA and someone who has one is that the one who has an ESA has gone through the motion of getting one, period. The fact that they did doesn't tell you anything about them other than they're someone who gives deliberate attention to their mental health.
Now if that's something that bothers you, be my guest. I won't tell you who to date. But I'm telling you your rationale for exclusion is wrong. It's like saying I won't buy a car whose owner I've often seen digging under the hood because certainly that must mean his car has lots of problems, while this other guy at the end of the street must have a great car because he hasn't even had to buy tools. Except it might also mean that the first car got meticulous maintenance this whole time, while the other one is about to fall apart from years of neglect.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
