help,i felt in love and i lost her, what to do? (girls, ugly)

[MechAndy]

Do you have medical insurance?
I think some counseling might help you.
I don’t mean that in a rude way I think it might help.

[mojo101]

I think OP just makes all these up.

[Bootsamillion]

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

hello and greetings, i have some questions. I need advice.





short story:
when a single good looking highly educated woman (33) reject you 2 times because she thinks you are immature for her, is it ok to keep trying to get her back?
(btw i am also 33.)





long story:
i met this woman on a tinder and we had nice conversation for 2 days. I really liked her pics, the way she talks, she is educated, she is pretty. I started to feel comfy
and i started to send her some funny short videos on YT, and was saying some jokes but she didn't like it because she thinks it's immature for my age.
Like i am acting like a teenager at some moments and she told me like sorry you are a good guy but you are not for me, and she unmatched me.
I was like, ok,whatever.

Then i saw her after 2 months on the street after she is getting home from work suddenly and i literally felt in love with her. The way she walks,her hair,her face. Bcz she lives near me i decided next time when i see her to approach her and to apologize.
I am thinking of her every day. I saw her after one month and i approached her and apologized nicely. She said like its ok, she likes me to but she is in some relationship, she found some guy but she said
that is also not going to work, one of the reasons is that he is religious, she is not bla bla. I told her, ok, listen, here is my number and if you break up feel free to contact me if you want. She was ok with that.
She told me that every time she meet a guy and start some kind of relationship, if the relationship fails then she always wants something better.That sounded a bit greedy to me but
i did't told her anything. I was like ok. Then i felt release because i apologized and she was ok with it, she is in relationship. its up to her , i did my part.

Then after 10 days she sent me a message. I was so happy, and we started conversations again. After a while i was comfy again with her and we had a joke about some pics and i sent her some of my pictures,
one was me shirtless showing abs and she was mad again for that picture and disappointed in me. She was disappointed bcz it was immature for her again.
We continued our conversation and i told her i am in love with her ,im thinking of her every days and i see myself in a relationship with her. She told me i am freaking her out ,
and that is not possible and to stop, and she was like good night. Thats it.

Tommorow in the evening i sent her a msg asking politely how is she, how she feels, i told her i miss her because i really do, and i want to hang out with her.
Then she just turned on a bitchy mode replying to me: "I gave you second chance, you blew it, i have made a mistake for giving you the first chance. Good luck!" and blocked me.

I was like wtf is wrong with her, now im feeling bad again and i want her back, but is it stupid to try to call her because i still have her number, i can call her from other phone? or if i see her on the street again?





It's like she thinks i am a mommas boy still in some kind of way.
I think she is right,i am immature for my age, but thats who i am, i am really open to change a bit of myself bcz of other person but she just blocks and keep seeking. She is more mature and more serious about life then me.
For example when i started a conversation with her she asked me immediately what i do for a living. Bcz i know that is crucial for a woman. So her man have a job. I told her i am a designer and she believed me but the truth is i am just a freelance designer but hoping to get a job again and change that soon because of the pandemic situation kinda messed up everything.
She wants probably financially strong enough man, because it is not about muscles.
can you assess her personality?
she lives alone,she is more introverted kind of person.
Is she really trying to settle down with somebody? i thought if you like somebody u need to accept other personality too. Maybe eventually to negotiate about it, she just blocks and probably seeking other guys.

or just to back up and try to forget her ? am i pushing things by force here?
She is not that much emotional as i can see, she is more like - real. I dont think she can fall in love. That's childish to her.
The problem is i am constantly thinking about her and i want her so much. I see myself in marriage with her. She is a complete person to me.

You never had her to get her back. She was upfront with you and she is not interested. Why in the world would you send a picture showing your abs to a woman you are interested in when you are barely even talking? Also, you use the word "like" about as much as a Valley Girl and I'm sure that's a turnoff as well. You can't possibly be in love with her so yes, she's definitely freaked out. You need to leave her alone before you get in trouble.

[E-Twist]

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

Yea i get your point.
I sometimes think i can change something if i try nicely again because it is not easy neither for her to find somebody. I can see that.
Maybe women like that persistance ?

When we tell someone we are not interested we do not like it when the man doesn't believe us. We do not like being asked out by men we don't want. We do not like being texted or called or followed. We find that sort of persistence annoying. It only makes us like you less.

[K12144]

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

when a single good looking highly educated woman (33) reject you 2 times because she thinks you are immature for her, is it ok to keep trying to get her back?

Why would you think it is? I actually want to hear your thought process on this. Also, why do you think what you want (to be with her) trumps what she wants (to not be with you)?

If you twice told a woman you weren't interested in that you didn't want to go out with her, how would you feel if she kept trying?

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

its like i also feel she is better in every aspect of life then me and also that drives my admiration to her even more.
SHe is somebody who i could rely in life and get a smart advice i think.

Relationships are for companionship, not for you to use someone else as a tool for your personal self-improvement course.

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

yes, it's a crush. You're right.
i am really not trying to stalk her to look like a freak.
Or harass/disturb her. I would not do anything to harm her, im not malicious person.

Yet you are completely disregarding her wishes to not go out with you and to not be in contact with you.

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

i am trying to build a relationship with her but she is like constantly in a "hurry".
i have this feeling like she is giving the opportunity to every guy she meet and move on till she finds her Mr.Right.

No, you have decided that she is a certain way based on what you want to believe about her.

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

I know she is not doing something right in her life.
I know she is a greedy, she told me that night she always wants more and more, better and better from any relationship she gets into.
I told her nobody is perfect.

Then why would you want to be with someone like this? Just because she's purty?

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

so what would you do to get her back ?

so it is really nothing i can do ?

Did you not read the first 24 posts in this thread, where everyone was telling you to stop trying to "get her back" and that there is nothing you (or should) do?

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

i guess you're right, maybe i am more for younger women.

No, you're not. You shouldn't have this attitude about women of any age, and you certainly shouldn't be going after younger women who may not be world-wise or self-protective enough to keep away from you.

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

Yea i get your point.
I sometimes think i can change something if i try nicely again because it is not easy neither for her to find somebody. I can see that.
Maybe women like that persistance ?

You say she's had "many attempts." oesn't sound like it's so hard for her to find someone if she wants to. Now you're sounding like sour grapes.

And no, women don't "like that persistance." Multiple women here have been telling you that. You seem to have an issue with listening to what women say. You might want to see someone to work on these issues.

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

Yes, you're right. That makes sense.
I have a huge crush on her, not like i love her. That was not real. I didn't told her "i love you".
I guess i was just a bit "lucky" there because she actually don't know im not fully employed like she is. She believes i am employed because she didn't get to know me better of course.
My plan was not lying her forever anyway, i know lies will not lead me anywhere.
I just thought i could fix it with time and maybe if i tell her later she would understand but things obviously does not work that way as i thought.

*headdesk* You need to read the post from the guy who spent the beginning of his relationship lying to the woman about his career and see how that ended for him.

Why would she "understand" that you're a liar who misrepresented yourself to attract her? Do you think that would make you look like a good person of integrity to her?

Originally Posted by pilgrim88

its like we strive to have something we can't/or not being able to have. And then we idolize it and fall in love with it. In this case it was a person.

Even she personally told me she wants more then she can have. Which i think is kinda greedy.Definitely not humble. She could probably have nice decent life so far ,be happily married with kids but who knows what happened in her life and what's inside her head.
I told myself in the very beginning when i got a crush on her NOT TO idolize her. That's exactly what i told myself. But i know she is not perfect neither.

Great that you know this about yourself (this is the first rational and honest-with-yourself post you've made here so far). However, knowing this about yourself is just the first step. Now you have to act on it: I am idolizing this person, it is not healthy or mature, I will not let myself do it and I certainly will not let myself act on it.

Why am I even replying to this??

[Suburban_Guy]

Originally Posted by Simpleton1989

Yikes

Yikes is right.

The OP created another thread, it's obvious that if this is a true situation (I have my doubts), he's not taking to heart the reality of what people are saying to him.

As poster above touches upon, it's one thing to say the right things, another thing entirely to actually act on them.

This situation is yet again the classic mistake many guys continue to make, in deciding that since they are so infatuated and obsessed with a female, the female in turn must feel the same way. Clearly she doesn't care much for him and the best thing to do is to have some self respect and dignity, and move on. Despite what some guys think, pursuing a woman who rejects you isn't going to make her fall in love with you. That kind of nonsense only happens in Hollywood.

[DontH8Me]

OP, you mentioned a few times that the woman makes you feel comfy. It is clear from what you've shared about her that she does not feel comfy with you.

If you didn't feel comfy about a woman for whatever reason - she's ugly, out of shape, bad breath, old, has an annoying voice, whatever - would you feel differently about her if she told you that she loved you, and that you're being too greedy for wanting more from your partner? Would you suddenly feel comfy about her?

[wp169]

She did you a big favor by rejecting you. Why would you want someone who thinks you are immature? It sounds like she is looking for the brass ring and it's not you, but you might be another woman's dream guy.

[pilgrim88]

Originally Posted by western27

That's not what you said in your OP. You said you did confess your "love" for her. She even told you hearing this frightened her so it's not like there is even anything to analyze there.

I am nearly certain though that even if she were super interested in you (which she clearly is not), you would not have been successful with dating this woman. Relationships are built on trust. I wish I realized this sooner, as I've made a lot of mistakes myself in the past with lying/misleading women I've met on dating apps by embellishing my credentials/interests only to find out later that they would have been interested in me regardless had I just been truthful. Telling lies to someone you just met is basically dooming any romantic involvement with them to fail. It's almost like a pathological type of self harm and the cruelest thing about it is that it is totally unnecessary to do since women generally fall in love with your personality and not your career. At least any women who are worth dating and are not just after your money.

It is also a TON of work trying to put up a facade and you eventually start forgetting what you've told. Especially your case since you would have had to tell hundreds of other lies to cover up the first one (where you are, what you are doing on a daily basis, interactions with co workers, etc). Doing this also makes having any real emotional intimacy with them impossible as you will always keep them at arms lengths to prevent your lies from being detected. The result is a very superficial relationship that cannot progress into anything. Not to mention it is also an ethically and morally corrupted thing to do. It is not worth it and you deserve better than wasting prime years of your life living like this the way I did.

Most woman also do not forgive men who lie to them and had you ended up in a relationship and told her the truth, it likely would have ended the minute you came clean. I get how you are thinking about being able to fix your career situation and maybe be in a place where you actually have the job you said you do so that your lies won't "matter." (I used to think the same way). You have to understand though that the problem is not your job or lack of one. It is the fact that you were untruthful and you are lying to yourself if you honestly think something like this would be a non issue down the road. This shows a lack of maturity as well as insecurity about yourself perhaps even more than your obsessive fixation on her. Unfortunately, these are all very unattractive traits.

You are not "lucky" getting away with it. Rather unlucky since getting caught and feeling the shame/embarrassment that comes with it is likely the only thing that will encourage you to stop doing it. You are just hurting yourself and making it unnecessarily more likely that you end up alone. There is simply no reason to do this to yourself. If you are unhappy with your current place in life (appearance, job, finance, maturity, etc) then make an effort to change those things and once you feel more confident, then start looking again.

yes but i know she trusts me when i said im in love with her (as guys said here, it's a crush actually. I dont live in US, and english is not my native language and we have different term for that here. Can't explain it.).
She said thats not possible but you really sound like it. That is not the problem here, she dont' think im lying to her. She knows i am honest, i think the problem is that she finds it so so so immature that i dont know what im saying.




I don't understand why is she so cold. I really really like her. I just told her how i feel and she just rejects it. I think i was hurt because i thought it will make her happy.
I don't feel well when i think maybe she thinks i am lying to her. Because at that point i have some urge to prove myself. Which is pointless as you guys said. She does not feel about me how i feel about her, i understand that. But im not lying her about my feelings.

I could feel like she became pissed off when i told her how i feel about her. I was like what the hell.

But I definitely learned something new about women.

[pilgrim88]

Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy

Despite what some guys think, pursuing a woman who rejects you isn't going to make her fall in love with you. That kind of nonsense only happens in Hollywood.

but dude she is watching hollywood movies.