Wife upset I'm going on guys' trip (movies, call, Latin)
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I've known some men who do hunting or golf trips with the guys. Generally these guys are empty nesters, retired, and have excess money to spend on a yearly or bi-annual getaway without their wives. BUT, they do other vacations with their wives.
I would have to ask if this is also a financial issue. I know someone whose husband was planning a separate getaway with a guy friend and the wife is a little stressed about finances. So her feelings about the trip aren't about the guy thing but more about him not focusing on working and making more money. By going on a fun trip, he's not putting his nose to the grindstone to look for more work and she sees that as a bit of a slap in the face. He's spending money that they really shouldn't spend.
If OP has only been married 2 years, I'd have to say that he wants the benefits of marriage but also wants the benefits of being single. That isn't going to work. Once you get married, you have to more or less give up certain activities. Or else stay single. Why doesn't anyone "get" that?
I've known some men who do hunting or golf trips with the guys. Generally these guys are empty nesters, retired, and have excess money to spend on a yearly or bi-annual getaway without their wives. BUT, they do other vacations with their wives.
I would have to ask if this is also a financial issue. I know someone whose husband was planning a separate getaway with a guy friend and the wife is a little stressed about finances. So her feelings about the trip aren't about the guy thing but more about him not focusing on working and making more money. By going on a fun trip, he's not putting his nose to the grindstone to look for more work and she sees that as a bit of a slap in the face. He's spending money that they really shouldn't spend.
If OP has only been married 2 years, I'd have to say that he wants the benefits of marriage but also wants the benefits of being single. That isn't going to work. Once you get married, you have to more or less give up certain activities. Or else stay single. Why doesn't anyone "get" that?
Entitlement culture.
In fact, entitlement culture explains 90% of the threads on this subforum. People think they are entitled to the following:
sex
free-for-all spending on whatever they want when they are not millionaires
winning every argument
getting their way every time
being rude to their spouse/partner
doing what they want, when they want to, and with whom
snooping
explanations about things that happened in their partner's life long before they even met their partner
telling their partner what to do, look at, think, or feel
telling their partner how to eat, exercise, or otherwise maintain their body
a maid
a mind-reader
money
immediate responses from others, as in texting
perfection in another
smooth sailing
dates, a spouse, or a partner in the first place
It springs from entitlement. They've been told what special snowflakes they are from the time they were born, it is reinforced in "everyone is a winner" trophies-for-all culture in school, and they grow up thinking they are so utterly unique and wonderful that they deserve the VERY BEST of everything and NOT TO SETTLE. They don't want to compromise. They feel they should be loved and accepted by the entire world just how they are, and the whole world is wrong because they can't get a date or get their way with a partner. There is no humility, no empathy, no willingness to put themselves in other people's shoes much less their partner's, no willingness to consider that they might be wrong about something or need to make changes in themselves and their behavior. It is all "I want," "he/she should," "me," "my rights," and "mine."
In fact, entitlement culture explains 90% of the threads on this subforum. People think they are entitled to the following:
sex free-for-all spending on whatever they want when they are not millionaires winning every argument getting their way every time being rude to their spouse/partner
doing what they want, when they want to, and with whom
snooping explanations about things that happened in their partner's life long before they even met their partner telling their partner what to do, look at, think, or feel telling their partner how to eat, exercise, or otherwise maintain their body
a maid
a mind-reader money immediate responses from others, as in texting
perfection in another
smooth sailing dates, a spouse, or a partner in the first place
It springs from entitlement. They've been told what special snowflakes they are from the time they were born, it is reinforced in "everyone is a winner" trophies-for-all culture in school, and they grow up thinking they are so utterly unique and wonderful that they deserve the VERY BEST of everything and NOT TO SETTLE. They don't want to compromise. They feel they should be loved and accepted by the entire world just how they are, and the whole world is wrong because they can't get a date or get their way with a partner. There is no humility, no empathy, no willingness to put themselves in other people's shoes much less their partner's, no willingness to consider that they might be wrong about something or need to make changes in themselves and their behavior. It is all "I want," "he/she should," "me," "my rights," and "mine."
And we see how well that's working for them.
My last r/s was with someone who exhibited all of the bolded - and a few more to boot. Spoiled rotten to the core and wanting a meal ticket.
In fact, entitlement culture explains 90% of the threads on this subforum. People think they are entitled to the following:
sex
free-for-all spending on whatever they want when they are not millionaires
winning every argument
getting their way every time
being rude to their spouse/partner
doing what they want, when they want to, and with whom
snooping
explanations about things that happened in their partner's life long before they even met their partner
telling their partner what to do, look at, think, or feel
telling their partner how to eat, exercise, or otherwise maintain their body
a maid
a mind-reader
money
immediate responses from others, as in texting
perfection in another
smooth sailing
dates, a spouse, or a partner in the first place
It springs from entitlement. They've been told what special snowflakes they are from the time they were born, it is reinforced in "everyone is a winner" trophies-for-all culture in school, and they grow up thinking they are so utterly unique and wonderful that they deserve the VERY BEST of everything and NOT TO SETTLE. They don't want to compromise. They feel they should be loved and accepted by the entire world just how they are, and the whole world is wrong because they can't get a date or get their way with a partner. There is no humility, no empathy, no willingness to put themselves in other people's shoes much less their partner's, no willingness to consider that they might be wrong about something or need to make changes in themselves and their behavior. It is all "I want," "he/she should," "me," "my rights," and "mine."
And we see how well that's working for them.
Damn, you nailed it.
Nothing more unattractive than a person that displays these tendencies. Nothing. (Well, ok, maybe an ax murderer, but that's about it.)
My wife is all up in arms that in a few weeks, me and a few friends of mine will be going to Miami Beach for a guys' trip. We've talked about doing it for hers, but, things always got in the way. Finally, everything lined up & things are set in motion. My wife isn't happy I'm going. While I wish that by " not happy" I meant in a cutesy " Aww, I'll miss you" way. No, this is being treated like I'm betraying her and kicking dirt in her face.
In her mind, it's pointless to go because there's no " big reason" to go. We aren't going to celebrate anything specific, we're just going to go. Somehow she's gotten it in her head that once I'm in Miami Beach, I'll spend my time looking for women to cheat on her with. I tell her that it's just so outlandish to entertain that thought. All I'm looking to do is go down there, hang out, drink, get some sun, come home. Nowhere in that equation does " Get drunk & cheat on wife at nightclub" come into play.
I've never cheated on her, which just makes her concerns, in my opinion, extra wild. I've tried to get her out of this anger by being extra sweet to her, bringing her flowers, more intimacy, things like that. She cynically sees it as me trying to " butter" her up. She says I'm going to have ground rules. These rules first and foremost include me calling her before bed, and answering when she calls me. If I know her, they'll be FaceTimes.
How do I put her at ease and why is she so paranoid?
She's being childish. My wife takes an annual foreign vacation with her girlfriends. She's the only married woman of the group. I couldn't care less. In fact I encourage it. She'd have no problem if I were to do the same, but I don't have interest in a guys trip.
She's being childish. My wife takes an annual foreign vacation with her girlfriends. She's the only married woman of the group. I couldn't care less. In fact I encourage it. She'd have no problem if I were to do the same, but I don't have interest in a guys trip.
And I belong to an NPE(not parent expected) group on facebook for people who found out dad wasn't really their dad or that one of their kids was not theirs and solo trips and vacations around the time of conception are a common theme
She's being childish. My wife takes an annual foreign vacation with her girlfriends. She's the only married woman of the group. I couldn't care less. In fact I encourage it. She'd have no problem if I were to do the same, but I don't have interest in a guys trip.
Did your wife go on a girls trip to Miami beach during spring break like the OP is doing? The friends he's going with are single, ready to mingle, party, get laid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChileSauceCritic
And I belong to an NPE(not parent expected) group on facebook for people who found out dad wasn't really their dad or that one of their kids was not theirs and solo trips and vacations around the time of conception are a common theme
I belong to a few DNA related Facebook groups like DNA Detectives where they help people find the mystery father or bio parents, Ancestry, 23 and me, my heritage. They all regularly get posts about NPE's, some asking why they're not matching their fathers family that have also tested there, they don't realize he is not their father.
It's sad how many people were most likely conceived during a one night stand going to an event like spring break.
She's being childish. My wife takes an annual foreign vacation with her girlfriends. She's the only married woman of the group. I couldn't care less. In fact I encourage it. She'd have no problem if I were to do the same, but I don't have interest in a guys trip.
Are you and your wife doing this while your marriage is already on thin ice?
On the one hand, no one wants to stop living the life they want to live, because of a partner's insecurities, and we all want to just be trusted by our partners.
But on the other hand, there's a place where going too far with that, disregards your partner's feelings.
One way to test where you're at in your own behavior, is to flip the script in your mind. Imagine that your wife wanted to go on a beach vacation with a bunch of her single friends, and it was a known fact that there would probably be drinking, the friends would likely be carousing, there was no other planned activity besides hanging around together enjoying the destination (and, at least for the rest of them, trying to get laid.) And you're supposed to trust your wife that she will not partake of any temptation that tries to tempt her... How does that scenario feel?
There were plenty of things that my husband and I used to do before we got married, that we don't do anymore. I was polyamorous, but I stopped doing that. He was going to strip clubs and drinking with his one freewheeling, trouble-seeking buddy, he has stopped doing that. It isn't so much that either of us told the other what we were no longer ALLOWED to do. Both of us willingly cut loose those other parts of our lives, because what we've got now is preferable, it's better. We don't miss those things. We made a choice and we stick to it. We preferred being who we are together, to continuing to be who we might have been apart.
I admit, I didn't read this entire thread, so I may have missed if you said...do you drink or get high? Because the question of sobriety may not matter to a lot of people, but it matters to me. I would always trust a partner who does not do any of that, more. From my observations of adults around me throughout my life, so SO many cases of "well I said I would not do that, and I set out intending NOT to do that, but then it just...whoops...happened..." are when a person is not sober. I mean, pretty much the whole concept of "partying" is muddling the mind with alcohol (or anything else) and cutting loose and breaking the rules. And if you like to get your muddle on now and then, and the trip has no other plans like...it's not a fishing trip, you aren't going to a convention...there's really no planned activities other than "party with the guys"...
I think that the only situation where I imagine this sort of thing being totally groovy with a person's partner, is if they had an understanding at the beginning and both of them can and do engage in such freedoms, or in marriages where a partner isn't in it for love so much as for money or some other practical consideration.
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