Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OK, I admit I didn't read all 17 pages, but here's my take.
Did OP consult with his wife about taking this trip before booking it? Did they actually have a discussion about it? Now, I'm not saying that she had to "give permission," but in a marriage, one partner should not be just INFORMING the other about a 4-day trip like this. It costs money that presumably is both of theirs, so there should be at least some type of consultation.
In addition, maybe the wife is a bit resentful that he gets to go have fun in a great vacation spot while she stays home. Maybe she wishes that the husband prioritized her and their relationship over his dudebros when investing money in a big vacation.
The "paranoia about cheating" angle may not be relevant here at all. I'm guessing that she's feeling ignored and/or not valued as a partner in decision-making.
Also don't have time to read thread, but I mean, you're going to what is often a spring break-type destination where people go with the express intent of partying and getting laid. Not always that, but often. So it's not an ideal context for your guys' trip (as opposed to, I don't know, a fishing/hunting/camping trip, a concert, going to a historical site, etc.). Most people wouldn't be comfortable with their S.O. doing that, regardless of gender. Not to say they'd nix it, but it's not weird to not be thrilled. I think the calls are a pretty reasonable compromise; you step aside here and there and take a call, big deal. If it's a set routine that's kind of weird, but just take the call or text if she reaches out. Full disclosure I've never been married.
But exactly what will you be doing while your single friends are hitting on women? That IS what they are going there for. What are you going there for?
As has been pointed out, you're not going on a guys' trip to fish or hunt or attend a sporting event. You're going to a place at a time when the whole point of going--and make no mistake that this is what your single friends are looking forward to--is to party and enjoy sexual encounters and you are actually asking why your wife doesn't like the idea.
To answer the question I bolded, there is an excellent, sandy beach in Miami Beach. Some people go to actually swim, participate in water sports, maybe surf, maybe fish, etc. There is an art museum in the city of Miami, there are free outdoor movies & concerts... Miami Beach runs tours of the Art Deco buildings, there are Everglade tours. My wife and I also enjoyed riding a free Metromover(https://www.miamidade.gov/global/tra...etromover.page) in Miami Financial district and look out to water and on tall buildings.
There is basically enough to do for a person without going to the clubs and bars where they can flirt with single women..
Now, of course, if the OP is the type of person who hates ocean beach, sand and only swims in the chlorinated swimming pool then I can sort of understand his wife.
I think overall it is unreasonable to say that a married person can never go on a separate beach vacation with his friends. As long as he is known to actually enjoy the beach
The timing during Spring Break is a bit unfortunate. But then again, Spring Break seems to last all of April. Different colleges have breaks on different weeks so it is not reasonable to say that the OP can not go in April at all...
To answer the question I bolded, there is an excellent, sandy beach in Miami Beach. Some people go to actually swim, participate in water sports, maybe surf, maybe fish, etc. There is an art museum in the city of Miami, there are free outdoor movies & concerts... Miami Beach runs tours of the Art Deco buildings, there are Everglade tours. My wife and I also enjoyed riding a free Metromover(https://www.miamidade.gov/global/tra...etromover.page) in Miami Financial district and look out to water and on tall buildings.
There is basically enough to do for a person without going to the clubs and bars where they can flirt with single women..
Now, of course, if the OP is the type of person who hates ocean beach, sand and only swims in the chlorinated swimming pool then I can sort of understand his wife.
I think overall it is unreasonable to say that a married person can never go on a separate beach vacation with his friends. As long as he is known to actually enjoy the beach
The timing during Spring Break is a bit unfortunate. But then again, Spring Break seems to last all of April. Different colleges have breaks on different weeks so it is not reasonable to say that the OP can not go in April at all...
My question had nothing to do with the lack of non-sexual attractions at Miami Beach. I've been all over Florida numerous times.
It was a literal and specific question: He is going on a trip with a bunch of single guys who are going to be partying and seeking sex. What is he planning to do while they are off on their pursuits?
Also, everything you list are daytime activities. His buds might actually hang at the beach or go to the Everglades with him during the day. But at night, when all of them disperse to go find what they are looking for, what will he be doing? Hanging out at the bar rejecting women coming on to him and showing them his phone with the picture of his wife? Playing solitaire in the hotel room?
While yes, a married couple should be able to and often can have separate vacations, you can't really fault the wife of this two-years married young guy going off with a bunch of single friends to a beach town known for hookups at a time when that's the main point of traveling there for heeding the alarms going off in her head. It's not a matter of trust. It's a matter of reality.
But at night, when all of them disperse to go find what they are looking for, what will he be doing? Hanging out at the bar rejecting women coming on to him and showing them his phone with the picture of his wife? Playing solitaire in the hotel room?
My question had nothing to do with the lack of non-sexual attractions at Miami Beach. I've been all over Florida numerous times.
It was a literal and specific question: He is going on a trip with a bunch of single guys who are going to be partying and seeking sex. What is he planning to do while they are off on their pursuits?
Also, everything you list are daytime activities. His buds might actually hang at the beach or go to the Everglades with him during the day. But at night, when all of them disperse to go find what they are looking for, what will he be doing? Hanging out at the bar rejecting women coming on to him and showing them his phone with the picture of his wife? Playing solitaire in the hotel room?
While yes, a married couple should be able to and often can have separate vacations, you can't really fault the wife of this two-years married young guy going off with a bunch of single friends to a beach town known for hookups at a time when that's the main point of traveling there for heeding the alarms going off in her head. It's not a matter of trust. It's a matter of reality.
you guys make this all so complicated.
They have dinner at night and he either goes to bed after or he goes out to a bar with them. After the bar he goes to bed or if they are clubbing (do we even know if they want to do that??) he can go with them but just dont hit on anyone?? Self control, anyone??
I have been married or in relationships and went out numerous times and went home alone. It is possible.
By your logic, no one who is in a relationship can go to any bar or club anymore, EVER.
She will never get over it and expect her to bring it up from time to time for the rest of your life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicagoMade
My wife is all up in arms that in a few weeks, me and a few friends of mine will be going to Miami Beach for a guys' trip. We've talked about doing it for hers, but, things always got in the way. Finally, everything lined up & things are set in motion. My wife isn't happy I'm going. While I wish that by " not happy" I meant in a cutesy " Aww, I'll miss you" way. No, this is being treated like I'm betraying her and kicking dirt in her face.
In her mind, it's pointless to go because there's no " big reason" to go. We aren't going to celebrate anything specific, we're just going to go. Somehow she's gotten it in her head that once I'm in Miami Beach, I'll spend my time looking for women to cheat on her with. I tell her that it's just so outlandish to entertain that thought. All I'm looking to do is go down there, hang out, drink, get some sun, come home. Nowhere in that equation does " Get drunk & cheat on wife at nightclub" come into play.
I've never cheated on her, which just makes her concerns, in my opinion, extra wild. I've tried to get her out of this anger by being extra sweet to her, bringing her flowers, more intimacy, things like that. She cynically sees it as me trying to " butter" her up. She says I'm going to have ground rules. These rules first and foremost include me calling her before bed, and answering when she calls me. If I know her, they'll be FaceTimes.
How do I put her at ease and why is she so paranoid?
I went drinking after work with my friends on many occasions. My wife sometimes did with her friends as well. But we were home by 10PM or 11PM at the latest. We never had separate vacations, which is what the OP is contemplating doing. It's not the same thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
you guys make this all so complicated.
They have dinner at night and he either goes to bed after or he goes out to a bar with them. After the bar he goes to bed or if they are clubbing (do we even know if they want to do that??) he can go with them but just dont hit on anyone?? Self control, anyone??
I have been married or in relationships and went out numerous times and went home alone. It is possible.
By your logic, no one who is in a relationship can go to any bar or club anymore, EVER.
The issue is not so much the guy’s trip as it is the choice to do it now. The OP is at a low point in his marriage, particularly because he unilaterally changed his mind to not wanting children while his wife wants them. Then after dropping this non-negotiable bomb on her, he also decides to go on a guy’s trip to Miami Beach during spring break while they are having serious marital issues. << That is the problem much more than, whether he should be allowed to “party” with his homies.
He stated that he's never wanted children. Whether he told her before the marriage or not I don't remember from his posts.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Playing solitaire in the hotel room?
