Wife upset I'm going on guys' trip (how to, love, husband)
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Completely unnecessary trip. And an inappropriate trip.
In what way is it wrong for couple to have both joint and separate activities? Husband and wife can't be all things to each other. My wife has friends she does things with. If she wanted to go on a once in a lifetime girl's trip with them, I'd be fine with it. It's not some sort of rejection. Maybe if she never wanted to do anything just the two of us, it would be, but we have a rich life together and in fact live in the same covid-isolated household day in and day out, so ... no problems there.
I think sometimes couples get joined at the hip and then if something out-of-band like this comes up, it seems like a much bigger deal than it actually is. They worry that now many if not all activities will be separate, or that this reveals you NEVER enjoy her company, etc.
You sound like you're talking about the husband going off with a bunch of nubile young women for an orgy. It is just a guys trip. Happens all that time (or should anyway).
ETA: Now that I scan further in the thread, this is a spring break-style trip with unmarried friends ... that's a horse of a different color, but at the point you posted the above there was no indication of that, so my point still stands.
As evidenced by your previous threads, your marriage of just a few years is under considerable strain. You've posted in previous threads that you and your wife are fighting all the time. You just posted a thread about the strain your marriage is under because you have decided that at ages 28 and 25, you are going to take in a 14 year old cousin of yours with serious behavioral issues.
And now you're going to go on a single guys trip to Miami over spring break with a bunch of your single male friends. Please spare me the "oh, I'm going to be innocent as a choir boy" act. Everyone knows what goes on down there over spring break.
The truth, OP, is that people who want to be married, act like they want to be married. They respect their partner. They don't have to be told they can't go to Miami beach to party with hot single college girls. They wouldn't do that in the first place because they respect their wife and want to make their marriage work. They don't act resentful about being told jetting off on a trip for a week and leaving one's wife alone with your troubled teenaged cousin you brought into the house is a jerk thing to do because a real man would never act that way. They would be there at home taking care of their responsibilities, not running off to party with the coeds while leaving their wife at home to clean up their messes like they're a little irresponsible boy.
If you want to stay married OP, you need to start acting like it. Your wife can't drag you kicking and screaming into the marriage. You either choose to be a partner or you don't.
Luckily, my cousin has since moved back in with her folks. It's going to take a lot of therapy, but, I believe my aunt and uncle will make it. I don't get why my wife wants to jump to the conclusion that I'm going on this trip to make it some wet and wild flirt-fest. If the roles were reversed and she was going with a bunch of her friends, I wouldn't be sitting there fretting she was going on the trip to hit on guys.
Luckily, my cousin has since moved back in with her folks. It's going to take a lot of therapy, but, I believe my aunt and uncle will make it. I don't get why my wife wants to jump to the conclusion that I'm going on this trip to make it some wet and wild flirt-fest. If the roles were reversed and she was going with a bunch of her friends, I wouldn't be sitting there fretting she was going on the trip to hit on guys.
It is just not something I'd do now that I know the context. As per the response you're replying to above, if you want to be married, act like it.
My wife is on the jealous side, but I've never given her any actual reason to be jealous, either.
Part of the reason you would not be jealous of your wife in a similar situation is that the culture you two swim in is such that your wife would never go to something equivalent to spring break with single female friends where it's common to cavort with single men, whether just for mental infidelity or physical. It's apples and oranges. If you want to have me-time with guy friends they should be married friends going to a non-party destination like fishing or sight-seeing. What you are doing is too easy to see as regressing and getting away from the strictures of marriage. I can't really fault your wife for being uneasy with this.
It is just not something I'd do now that I know the context. As per the response you're replying to above, if you want to be married, act like it.
My wife is on the jealous side, but I've never given her any actual reason to be jealous, either.
Part of the reason you would not be jealous of your wife in a similar situation is that the culture you two swim in is such that your wife would never go to something equivalent to spring break with single female friends where it's common to cavort with single men, whether just for mental infidelity or physical. It's apples and oranges. If you want to have me-time with guy friends they should be married friends going to a non-party destination like fishing or sight-seeing. What you are doing is too easy to see as regressing and getting away from the strictures of marriage. I can't really fault your wife for being uneasy with this.
I think this lack of trust hinders our marriage. Ok, I grasp that Miami is one of these " adult Disneyland" type locations by reputation, but, I don't think you can leap from " My husband is going to Miami" to " My husband is going to spend his nights hitting on every girl he crosses paths with".
I think this lack of trust hinders our marriage. Ok, I grasp that Miami is one of these " adult Disneyland" type locations by reputation, but, I don't think you can leap from " My husband is going to Miami" to " My husband is going to spend his nights hitting on every girl he crosses paths with".
What you are complaining about is her lack of reasoning skills and it seems that she does not really respect your own reasoning. That is where the lack of trust comes from. It is coming from both sides and not just hers.
I think this lack of trust hinders our marriage. Ok, I grasp that Miami is one of these " adult Disneyland" type locations by reputation, but, I don't think you can leap from " My husband is going to Miami" to " My husband is going to spend his nights hitting on every girl he crosses paths with".
But exactly what will you be doing while your single friends are hitting on women? That IS what they are going there for. What are you going there for?
As has been pointed out, you're not going on a guys' trip to fish or hunt or attend a sporting event. You're going to a place at a time when the whole point of going--and make no mistake that this is what your single friends are looking forward to--is to party and enjoy sexual encounters and you are actually asking why your wife doesn't like the idea.
I'm the only one on this trip that isn't single. I'd be willing to bet that my buddies will be doing a fair amount of flirting, but, I won't be partaking. Kind of hard to flirt with a woman when you have a ring on and your phone background is you with your wife.
I'm the sort of person who, if my marriage were struggling, would prioritize my limited vacation time and money on taking a trip with my spouse in an effort to get away together, alone, and get that spark back. Going away to a sexy beach would feel like giving a middle finger.
Besides, she knows you probably have shared your marriage woes to these dudes (who are all single) and that you will be in a 24 hour echo chamber chorus of "you're young, just get divorced already. Look at all these hot babes."
Bingo! You've hit the point dead on!
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