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she comes off as wayyyy tooooo clingy and desperate. Both are an extreme turnoff for any (sane) guy. The guy may endure it for a little and like it. Then it will start to annoy him. Then he will disappear.
That's what I'm afraid of. I don't know how to show interest, while also not seeing desperate or too available.
Maybe I am showing desperation? Maybe I am too eager? I think he may see this. I don't want to scare him off.
Yes, you are correct. He knows now that you like him, let him initiate the second date and do not text too much, but let him know that you are very interested. You are a romantic one, keep your hope and spirit up. It is not real yet, but it can become real, till now all went well.
I think he definitely knows I like him. I feel like I'm trying to play a game. Why does it have to be a game? Why can't you just show interest? Like I feel like I'm having to strategically be uninterested, while seems foolish. I don't know what is right anymore.
I get way too excited at the prospect of being in a relationship. I don't want to seem desperate or clingy.
My best friend keeps telling me she was clingy with her boyfriend and he liked it. Now they are happily married.
But I agree, that it could drive a guy away. I've told him I Luke him, I enjoyed our time together, I liked his kisses.
I think he definitely knows I like him. I feel like I'm trying to play a game. Why does it have to be a game? Why can't you just show interest? Like I feel like I'm having to strategically be uninterested, while seems foolish. I don't know what is right anymore.
It is a cruel game. Or maybe more a dance. But the way you set the tone now will decide your future with or without him.
If you are too eager - he will run or walk all over you.
Men are hunter. They want to EARN your attention. It is like a car - if someone just gives you a car, you will not appreciate it as much as if you have saved up for it over time.
Therefore, don't always text back immediately. Because you are a busy woman with a life. Don't always be available. Try to let him be the last with his texts. If the conversation is over, don't make it go longer, just let it be. Don't send overly long texts all the time or 3 in a row.
Before you are a couple, don't be too spontaneous with meeting immediately, always plan ahead, 2-3 days before. Because you are so busy, you don't just sit around and wait until he suggests to meet. Don't be too transparent, don't tell him all the time what you are doing.
I am also in the middle of such a dance, it is really, really hard on my patience. I am going out with someone else tomorrow to be distracted. Believe me, it takes the pressure off. And if you are not reachable for a few hours, he will wonder and get even more eager to win you over.
If you realize you talk too much, do some breathing exercises in between or count to 5 in your head. Of course without him knowing.
I think he definitely knows I like him. I feel like I'm trying to play a game. Why does it have to be a game? Why can't you just show interest? Like I feel like I'm having to strategically be uninterested, while seems foolish. I don't know what is right anymore.
I get way too excited at the prospect of being in a relationship. I don't want to seem desperate or clingy.
My best friend keeps telling me she was clingy with her boyfriend and he liked it. Now they are happily married.
But I agree, that it could drive a guy away. I've told him I Luke him, I enjoyed our time together, I liked his kisses.
Being so eager at this point is a sign you have built him up in your head and put him on a pedestal.
You seem to forget you barely know him. How can you like someone so much you barely know? You are infatuated with the idea of him.
At this point, a level headed approach would be to give it time to actually know him before deciding how you feel. You should be observing his behavior now, how he treats you, how you feel around him, and let that determine how you feel about him.
You have put the cart before the horse by developing feelings for a stranger.
This isn't an attack because it happens a lot when someone is maybe a bit lonely or maybe not that experienced with relationships. Its common. But it is a problem that can lead to poor outcomes.
It is a cruel game. Or maybe more a dance. But the way you set the tone now will decide your future with or without him.
If you are too eager - he will run or walk all over you.
Men are hunter. They want to EARN your attention. It is like a car - if someone just gives you a car, you will not appreciate it as much as if you have saved up for it over time.
Therefore, don't always text back immediately. Because you are a busy woman with a life. Don't always be available. Try to let him be the last with his texts. If the conversation is over, don't make it go longer, just let it be. Don't send overly long texts all the time or 3 in a row.
Before you are a couple, don't be too spontaneous with meeting immediately, always plan ahead, 2-3 days before. Because you are so busy, you don't just sit around and wait until he suggests to meet. Don't be too transparent, don't tell him all the time what you are doing.
I am also in the middle of such a dance, it is really, really hard on my patience. I am going out with someone else tomorrow to be distracted. Believe me, it takes the pressure off. And if you are not reachable for a few hours, he will wonder and get even more eager to win you over.
If you realize you talk too much, do some breathing exercises in between or count to 5 in your head. Of course without him knowing.
You can do this!!
I've been struggling with all of this. He used to always end our text messages, wishing me Goodnight. Now, he just falls asleep and I'm wishing him.
He does send me good Morning messages every day. He used to send more heartfelt messages with more words in the morning.
I've been texting longer messages to him, and a couple in a row. He sends me more simple ones.
I'm way to available, answering him right away. It's an addiction. He'll go hours without answering me.
I do tell him what I am doing all the time. He always asks.
All this is great advice. I just hate that we even have to do this. It feels so stupid at 30 years old.
But I am going to try. I'm way to available and easy.
Being so eager at this point is a sign you have built him up in your head and put him on a pedestal.
You seem to forget you barely know him. How can you like someone so much you barely know? You are infatuated with the idea of him.
At this point, a level headed approach would be to give it time to actually know him before deciding how you feel. You should be observing his behavior now, how he treats you, how you feel around him, and let that determine how you feel about him.
You have put the cart before the horse by developing feelings for a stranger.
This isn't an attack because it happens a lot when someone is maybe a bit lonely or maybe not that experienced with relationships. Its common. But it is a problem that can lead to poor outcomes.
I fully admit this is the case. I am trying so hard not to feel this way.
So he suggested plans a couple nights from now after work. I told him I had asked a girlfriend of mine out to dinner that night, which was true, but she never confirmed. So I told him I'd let him know as soon as she gave me an answer. She turned down plans, because that night was bad for her, so I let him know I was free that night. Now he's saying he's going to make sure his friends weren't thinking plans that night and he'll let me know. He's essentially doing what I did to him back. Was I in the wrong? Isn't that odd?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandi9
I think he definitely knows I like him. I feel like I'm trying to play a game. Why does it have to be a game? Why can't you just show interest? Like I feel like I'm having to strategically be uninterested, while seems foolish. I don't know what is right anymore.
I get way too excited at the prospect of being in a relationship. I don't want to seem desperate or clingy.
My best friend keeps telling me she was clingy with her boyfriend and he liked it. Now they are happily married.
But I agree, that it could drive a guy away. I've told him I Luke him, I enjoyed our time together, I liked his kisses.
You need to mirror his level of interest He has been casual about planning dates and hasn't made you a priority. He is now saying he may have a friend in town over the weekend with no commitment of when you wil be getting together again. What worked for your friend with her boyfriend is not relevant to your situation. Find things to do to distract yourself. Show interest by your words, the same as he does. Do not make him a priority until he makes you one.
I've been struggling with all of this. He used to always end our text messages, wishing me Goodnight. Now, he just falls asleep and I'm wishing him. That's ok.
I've been texting longer messages to him, and a couple in a row. He sends me more simple ones. learn from him - don't text too much. don't replace real conversations with texts.
I'm way to available, answering him right away. It's an addiction. He'll go hours without answering me. again, learn from him - don't answer right away all the time. Do what I do - I read his texts because I am unable to just wait but then after reading, I put the phone aside
I do tell him what I am doing all the time. He always asks. answer if he asks but don't offer without asking. If you say you are busy or having plans and he asks what you do, you can answer. But don't offer.
All this is great advice. I just hate that we even have to do this. It feels so stupid at 30 years old. I know. It is a learning period
But I am going to try. I'm way to available and easy.
yes, you put in a 10 in effort. Go down to 6 or 7.
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It is not real yet, but it can become real, till now all went well.
