New Guy, Not Rushing, Feeling Uncomfortable buy Excited? (therapist, emotionally, cuddling)
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Thanks for all the advice. I think mirroring him is a good way to go.
I will say one thing I did not like. On our date. He grabbed his phone out, said sorry, and was looking at it. Told me he just has work emails and was trying to make sure it wasn't something urgent he had to answer. He did it once, twice before we got to the restaurant.
Then at dinner he took out his phone a few times, but instead of work was looking at messages from his mom and his friends, as he told me. Then said sorry, but still did it.
I was honestly a bit surprised. But the rest of the date went so well. But I didn't take my phone out once. I think it's rude.
He was more gushy before we met. Sending me good Morning texts "good morning beautiful, hope you have a great day at work. Can't wait to talk to you later."
It is rude. The person should certainly apologize and explain why they need to check their phone and it should be a valid reason.
The urgent work thing I understood. His job is like that. But when he was looking at personal messages. I was like hmm. Why do that at a restaurant with a girl.
The urgent work thing I understood. His job is like that. But when he was looking at personal messages. I was like hmm. Why do that at a restaurant with a girl.
yes, that is very rude. I would have said "bored already?"
I would keep an eye on that during the next date. I find it very disrespectful but it may be a result of you being too eager - he doesn't try anymore, he knows you won't run. And that's why it is so important to do the dance game - you are already showing him that he is EVERYTHING to you and therefore, he can walk all over you without consequences.
Change the tone before it is too late. He will either ghost you or treat you like a doormat until he finds someone "better." He is already showing signs of losing interest as a result of you being too available.
yes, that is very rude. I would have said "bored already?"
I would keep an eye on that during the next date. I find it very disrespectful but it may be a result of you being too eager - he doesn't try anymore, he knows you won't run. And that's why it is so important to do the dance game - you are already showing him that he is EVERYTHING to you and therefore, he can walk all over you without consequences.
Change the tone before it is too late. He will either ghost you or treat you like a doormat until he finds someone "better." He is already showing signs of losing interest as a result of you being too available.
I did say something snarky "have somewhere to be?"
Because to me, if you are on your phone, then you are into being somewhere else. Not in the moment with me.
I don't know if he's losing interest. I think he might be. He used to want to flirt a ton more and send flirty texts. He doesn't anymore. Then I'm grasping at straws trying to get flirty-ness out of him.
I don't want to be this way. Why can't I just not care and be myself?
Thanks for all the advice. I think mirroring him is a good way to go.
I will say one thing I did not like. On our date. He grabbed his phone out, said sorry, and was looking at it. Told me he just has work emails and was trying to make sure it wasn't something urgent he had to answer. He did it once, twice before we got to the restaurant.
Then at dinner he took out his phone a few times, but instead of work was looking at messages from his mom and his friends, as he told me. Then said sorry, but still did it.
I was honestly a bit surprised. But the rest of the date went so well. But I didn't take my phone out once. I think it's rude.
Mandi, that was very, very, very rude of him. His phone should be on DO NOT DISTURB with maybe his work on emergency bypass (so they can get through IF ABSOLUTELY NEEDED). But come on, he does not have to answer anything or anyone else DURING A DATE. (I can't believe I have to write that!! )
If I were on a first date and the guy did that, I'd end the date early and not see him again, because he's told me how little he thinks of me. BUT, I have to add, I am NOT part of the "text-everyone-every-2-minutes" generation ... BUT even then, they should know better than to be that rude when they are on a date. Sheesh!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandi9
He was more gushy before we met. Sending me good Morning texts "good morning beautiful, hope you have a great day at work. Can't wait to talk to you later."
Now I just get "good morning"
Mandi, that is not a good sign ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandi9
... But the only thing I have to lose is the vision I've built up of what we could be. That is sad to lose, but it isn't real. We only went on one date. I did invest a bit too much that first week. I have no regrets at this point. Hoping to see him soon. But also realize that if he doesn't ask me out again, then he isn't into it, and I can't change that.
Mandi, you invested too much FOR A MONTH, not just a week -- do you seriously not remember how you were gushing about him even while he kept putting off MEETING? You are way, way, way over-invested in someone you've met ONCE in person. Just once.
You have a life. You have a GOOD life. Get busy with OTHER stuff you find fun. If he fades away into the background -- which may or may not happen, we don't know -- then what you will need to tell yourself is you haven't really lost ANYTHING REAL -- "all" you've lost is your IMAGE/IDEALIZED VERSION of him. (And I put the "all" in quotes because I know it would still be very painful and it would still FEEL like you lost something real. I've been there. I think most of us have.)
she comes off as wayyyy tooooo clingy and desperate. Both are an extreme turnoff for any (sane) guy. The guy may endure it for a little and like it. Then it will start to annoy him. Then he will disappear.
She does not show him that she is clingy, she tells only us her thoughts in details. With him, so she explained, she is very controlled.
And talk about me over-investing. This was the guy who was messaging me "I wish you were here cuddling with me" and "you male me smile every single day when I wake up, you are on my mind"
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