New Guy, Not Rushing, Feeling Uncomfortable buy Excited? (date, women, family)
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100% agree. I'm really trying hard to do this. I really am.
Many dudes...not really into that much talk and chat.
A typical pattern for men is they see a girl and know that they are into them in 5 seconds and then they look for disqualifies like crazy, or well, even crazier. Then they decide if she is just good for now . Its not because you are saying interesting things all the time .
We text, all day, everyday.
...
We've even been going through that weird gushy phase saying cute things back and forth.
Not going to touch this whole scenario, but you asked for advice and my advice is to not do this. If you cannot meet in person, call or video chat. Or write emails or letters. Texting doesn't allow for enough time and space to write well, but has too much latency for an efficient conversation in real time. You are literally wasting your life exchanging banalities with a stranger, waiting for that next text and then deciding on your response.
"OK, let me know when you're actually ready to meet. See you later!"
Why is that so hard?
And Mandi, your first posts about a new man always sound the same ... like you are plunging in out of, well, desperation.
The longer it takes to actually MEET IN PERSON, the longer you have to build the man up in your head and convince yourself that he is THE ONE. So you set yourself up for disappointment because he'll inevitably tell you something you go nuts over (like "My feet smell sometimes")!!
Don't go there until after you've had several dates and you BOTH seem to be moving at the same pace!
I definitely think the un-easy feeling is because I'm investing on my end. I feel I'm putting in time and effort. And it's not real.
Not that we aren't talking and getting to know each other. But texting is just that. It's not concrete.
No, you're not "getting to know" each other in reality. Emojis and flirting texts are not intimate knowledge of another person; they're only what the person wants to project as their personality. You may be sincere in your texts (or not), but you have absolutely no idea if the other person is honest or even who they really are. And as karen_in_nh posted, you're building up a persona for him and investing emotionally in that fantasy, which sabotages a real-life relationship when actual flaws emerge. Plus, there is also a real safety factor involved, in that you may believe things this person has said online about himself that could dissuade you from noticing red flags about him in real life if/when you eventually meet.
On a dating site but not “ready” for a relationship = he’s looking for hookups.
My advice - go ahead and respond to his texts but don’t invest too much. . Flirt but don’t engage in intimate conversations or send nudes. See if he initiates meeting with you next week.
If not, he’s just texting you for his own amusement or self esteem boost.
Look up “Love Bombing” because that’s what it sounds like he’s doing.
No, you're not "getting to know" each other in reality. Emojis and flirting texts are not intimate knowledge of another person; they're only what the person wants to project as their personality. You may be sincere in your texts (or not), but you have absolutely no idea if the other person is honest or even who they really are. And as karen_in_nh posted, you're building up a persona for him and investing emotionally in that fantasy, which sabotages a real-life relationship when actual flaws emerge. Plus, there is also a real safety factor involved, in that you may believe things this person has said online about himself that could dissuade you from noticing red flags about him in real life if/when you eventually meet.
I agree somewhat with this. I am building up a fantasy. And I hate that. I'm being genuine. He seems to be genuine. His job is real, I looked him up. His house is his house, looked that up too. So far the facts are true. But we are playing with fire, growing so emotionally attached before meeting. We are playing house through text. I keep reminding myself that messages don't mean anything. I even told him I'll believe we're going out when I'm sitting at the restaurant ordering my food.
He said that we are going to go out and he had been nothing but upfront with me about everything about him. So I shouldn't not trust him. And I can ask him or share any concerns about him at any point.
Last night he told me how much I make him smile and how his favorite part of the day is after work because he knows he can talk to me. And how he finds me so sexy, smart, beautiful, and amazing. And I was just messaging him being myself.
I am trying so hard to not overtime and become a robot. That's my go to when I'm scared.
Just text, have fun. If we meet and it works our. Great. If we don't, then in a couple weeks, I'll stop talking to him and focus on finding an available guy who is ready to date.
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