Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Per your own previous statements, you are a modern, grown, and independent woman. It's time to put some actions behind those words. Who gives a darn whether or not this guy sees you as too hungry or needy? Bowling is kind of like getting together with a friend and just good fun. He quasi-planned your first outing; now it's your turn. This way, you'll better know if he's a time-waster who's occupying too much of your brain space or someone who actually wants to dip his toes back into the dating pool after a long relationship. As my grandpa used to say, it's time for this young man to either "poop or get off the pot."
And I wouldn't have called him for company, either. Partly because being on the phone while driving is an unnecessary distraction and mostly because the two of you have already spent too much time talking and texting rather than making plans to and actually meeting to talk and get to know each other face-to-face. The latter is the part that you're making far too easy for him, i.e. letting him constantly text you to the point that you are consumed with worry when the pace of his texting slows down and the content dwindles down to short answers.
I agree with this and I didn't call him that night. That was the night he asked me out. I'll see how today goes. Maybe I'll ask him tomorrow.
I agree with this and I didn't call him that night. That was the night he asked me out. I'll see how today goes. Maybe I'll ask him tomorrow.
Good luck! Be sure to be direct--none of this "hey--we should go bowling sometime....." nonsense. Activity/date/time. End of story. Concrete plans yield concrete results, even if they're not the results that you wanted or expected.
As I said, if he hems and haws without providing an alternative day/time other than the one that you suggested, it's time to "next" him. Let him waste someone else's time and emotional energy.
You're at that awkward friend stage, where your life paths are diverging. TOTALLY understandable.
Welcome to adulthood, it sucks.
You need to find an outlet for your time and energy. Exercise? Books? New hobby? You need to find yourself something to be passionate about, so it all doesn't go into the first guy who meets the low bar of appearing relatively normal.
I vote for making it all about you. Eat clean, get exercise, learn something new....
Geez, she has a house and a yard to take care of and do things to. Mine certainly takes plenty of my time. And the one I had when I met my late husband did as well. I didn't have every minute available to date him and he knew it.
Isn't it too forward or desperate to ask him on a date?
Even last Sunday, I had a long drive. He told me I should have called him for company. I was too afraid to, because I didn't want to seem too available/interested.
Isn't asking him out seeming like I'm taking the reigns and doing all the work?
I don't want to seem too hungry or needy
What effort has he put in?
Asked you about going out, then has to check with his friends on their plans, and YOU have to follow-up regarding said date.
Takes out his cell phone and messages friends during said date.
No explicit follow-up date. Even if he had plans with "a friend" for the weekend, he could have suggested a future date.
Hours of effortless texting. Have there been any phone calls to hear your voice, your laugh, etc.?
No response to most recent text -- "fell asleep"??
Telling you, "you should have called him for company." Again, meaningless words.
Why would you initiate anything at this point?
I would assume he is keeping his options open and seeing other people and you should be doing the same.
You need to expand your social circle -- even if it includes people outside your age group. Volunteer, take classes, join a church group. When I went through a divorce, I did not have friends available to fill the void. I had to sign up for things to do. House projects will not increase your social circle. If you are short on funds, defer those projects that you can. Your mental health is important.
Last edited by Maddie104; 02-19-2022 at 08:35 AM..
This is the stuff that gets me. Why I'm lonely. Why I'd like someone in my life. I'm trying to make plans with my friends. Fill my life up with stuff to do, exciting plans. All I've ever wanted was to go on fun adventures. But with friends or a boyfriend.
I told my friends I found these cheap flights. And we could rent an air bnb and do a girl weekend. And I'm poor, so when I say cheap, it's cheap.
My friends, all married, come up with all these excuses- I can't leave my dogs, I can't leave my husband, I'm planning a wedding, I don't think I can.
Here I am left high and dry. I just wanted one fun weekend. One away with my girl friends. They won't even comit to a night somewhere close.
It just makes me sad, and lonely, I really don't have anyone to do things with. That's one reason why I want a relationship.
Your friends have families, commitments and lives. You are clinging onto them like the proverbial fifth wheel. The days of girls night out are gone. Remember the BBQ you tried to force onto them with the demand of no husbands because you disapprove of one of them?
Now for this post. We do live 14 minutes from each other. No mention of plans from him. My last mention to him last night was "maybe we can do xyz some time" with no response. I honestly think he just fell asleep. I've been afraid to make a plan. I don't want to seem too hungry or desperate. So have been waiting on him.
His friend is in town so I know this weekend is out.
I agree with you and I am excited for the Spring. I do have a bunch of projects I want to do outside and with my house.
It was funny, at one point last night I had a friend over. I told him my friend was over. He immediately asks what friend? I don't know if he was generally curious or if he was wondering if I had a guy over.
What I see is that you are using him to validate your own self worth. You don't really know him, nor do you have a genuine interest in him or his well being. You want him to perform in ways that make you feel good about yourself.
The excuses you make for his poor behavior toward you are nothing more than attempts to protect your fragile notion that you are smart, pretty, mature, awesome, etc. This is why this "relationship" is doomed. Your area of concentration should be on yourself and only yourself. Until you know without a shred of doubt--and aren't just performing "fake it until you make it" tricks--that you are smart, pretty, mature, awesome, etc., then every single one of your dates with whomever are doomed to fail. It's not them Mandi. It's you.
Get off the OLD apps and get into therapy. Invest in yourself before investing in others. You are worth it. This harmful cycle you are in will continue until you do something to stop it.
This thread has become a joke, Mandi. You listen to too many people and everybody has a different opinion acc to their experiences, but your situation is your experience.
You listen to
Therapist
Family
Friends
C-D Forum
no wonder you are confused. That's the reason that your feelings take you on a rollercoaster, now you are up, up and everything is good and beautiful and positive, a minute later you are down, down and everything is bad and ugly and negative.
Listen more to yourself and get more balanced. Do NOT initiate the second meeting, do not rush him, it will show you how interested he really is.
Mandi, you have not responded to any of the comments about the freakin' PICKLE PHOTO. Did you not "get" the message that this guy was sending you ... after 1 date in which he texted his friends throughout? UGH.
I have to admit I didn't get what everyone was so reactive to the pickle thing. It sounded to me that they had discussed likes and dislikes and she said she hated pickles. Is this some meme I don't know about?
I have to admit I didn't get what everyone was so reactive to the pickle thing. It sounded to me that they had discussed likes and dislikes and she said she hated pickles. Is this some meme I don't know about?
Pickle for Penis
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
UGH.
