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I don't just want to be some texting plaything. I want someone to take me seriously. So I don't want to settle for less. I like flirty texting, and I'm good at it. It's easy for me. But at the end of the day, I don't think a guy who isn't regularly dating me or in a relationship with me desseves that side of me. I try so hard to get guys to see how "cool" and fun and cute I am. It makes no difference to the guys who don't want it regardless.
I care a lot. I have a big heart. Sometimes I spare it too willingly. That's who I am as a person. But I'm sick of giving and putting effort in for lukewarm back. I deserve more.
I don't know what to do from here. I'm still online. Thinking of taking a break. Confused and lost. He's still texting me. Being nice and respectful. Seems to care a lot more since last night.
I'm not an option. I don't want to be. I'm making chit chat with him. He's stated where he's at. I know what I want. It doesn't add up between us. But maybe it could. I can't hope for nothing though.
I want love, passion, sex, commitment, respect. I'm trying to get that.
Mandi, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY are you texting him back? And WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY would you even WANT something with this jerk of a guy who wanted a sexting buddy, then FINALLY agreed to one date during which he texted OTHER PEOPLE instead of turning his phone OFF, and then he did NOT ask you out again ... and then, when you told him basically to go away, HE TRIES TO GET YOU SEXTING AGAIN?
He's an a**hole. BLOCK HIM.
Why on earth haven't you already DONE that? Because he has a good job? Holy crap.
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Don't you see what he's doing? It's all a game. Almost every woman on this thread has been reeled in, tossed back, reeled back in, tossed back. We're trying to HELP you avoid that garbage. DO NOT BE FOOLED. He's doing this on purpose. It's not about connection. It's about winning.
You're not the only woman to ever be played! Do not take it personally.
I hope a man will chime in here regarding this unfortunate phenomenon.
Way back in the day I had an awful relationship. He saw me with another man at lunch. He didn't know that it was a man I worked with and we were talking business. He stormed me and love-bombed me. It was all about "winning me back." After that, it was back to the same old b.s.
You have got to wake up.
And you know, it really makes me kind of angry that women my age did not have the absolute ease of the internet to consult. You have that. You're wasting our time if you don't listen.
And you know, it really makes me kind of angry that women my age did not have the absolute ease of the internet to consult. You have that. You're wasting our time if you don't listen.
I have said this so many times! If I had had access in my 20s to social media, YouTube, blogs, and all of the information available out here now, my life would look and be completely different.
The amount of advice and support OP has gotten in this thread is literally invaluable. Most everyone has been extremely helpful and supportive.
I hope it is sinking in. Though if her emotions are really dysregulated it may be hard to process it all just like that. Some people need more time to really internalize the advice and figure out how to apply it.
She might be experiencing a lot of cognitive dissonance. What she wants to believe is clashing hard with what the reality might be, and that's a hard and confusing space to be in.
It can take time for emotions to catch up with what the logical mind knows is true on some level. And some people are primarily driven by emotions rather than logic.
Don't you see what he's doing? It's all a game. Almost every woman on this thread has been reeled in, tossed back, reeled back in, tossed back. We're trying to HELP you avoid that garbage. DO NOT BE FOOLED. He's doing this on purpose. It's not about connection. It's about winning.
You're not the only woman to ever be played! Do not take it personally.
I hope a man will chime in here regarding this unfortunate phenomenon.
Way back in the day I had an awful relationship. He saw me with another man at lunch. He didn't know that it was a man I worked with and we were talking business. He stormed me and love-bombed me. It was all about "winning me back." After that, it was back to the same old b.s.
You have got to wake up.
And you know, it really makes me kind of angry that women my age did not have the absolute ease of the internet to consult. You have that. You're wasting our time if you don't listen.
I really agree with this. So many of us have walked this path and we're telling you not to go down the same one, but sometimes you need to learn from your own experience, not mine, as frustrating as that is to me.
But, it's also a double-edged sword. There are too many people living their lives online instead of outside amongst other humans, and it shows. For some. the internet is a rabbit hole they've gone down, never to climb out again, as they only seek out opinions that validate their often skewed perceptions.
It's died down lately, but for quite a while there were a number of young guys (or maybe the same guy) showing up here to profess they were never going to get married because of the failed marriages of strangers they read about online. Self-fulfilling prophecy?
The only thing I would add is almost every PERSON has gone through this, it is not just guys who do it to women.
Honestly, I don't think the guy played Mandi at all, he said up front he was looking to take things slow as he just got out of a relationship. By slow, he could have meant just texting for the most part, who knows? Anyway, it is not uncommon for people who just broke up, to go back a few times before it sticks. One of the reasons that a person who recently broke up is usually not a good candidate for any long term relationships.
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Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I have said this so many times! If I had had access in my 20s to social media, YouTube, blogs, and all of the information available out here now, my life would look and be completely different.
Absolutely. It's really difficult to think about, actually. We really blundered through, with parents who were born in the Dark Ages who were no help at all. Antiquated books and Cosmopolitan Magazine... What a complete joke that was. "Cosmo Girl." :barf emoji:
And look at how clueless young people are these days with so much information and assistance right at their fingertips!!!
The only thing I would add is almost every PERSON has gone through this, it is not just guys who do it to women.
Honestly, I don't think the guy played Mandi at all, he said up front he was looking to take things slow as he just got out of a relationship. By slow, he could have meant just texting for the most part, who knows? Anyway, it is not uncommon for people who just broke up, to go back a few times before it sticks. One of the reasons that a person who recently broke up is usually not a good candidate for any long term relationships.
I understand what you're saying but it still feels like he's reeling her back in. There should be NO flirting at all if he's not looking for a relationship right now and wants to take things slow. Flirting sends the wrong message.
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