Is this still considered cheating because I sure think it is? (dating, boyfriend)
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My bf, now ex was doing a long distance thing. We had this connection and talked everyday for hours, texted all day, and had FaceTime dates. This was hours and hours of talking. But we did not meet yet. We became bf/gf even before meeting but we are old enough to know that we have something, I’m 30 and he’s 34 years old.
We told each other we love each other already and he said I’m the love of his life and wants to marry me. BUT I found out he was talking to another girl and they were talking about intimate stuff, sending each other private pics. He doesn’t know that I know that. While he was texting with that girl about intimate stuff, he was also texting me how much he loves me. Isn’t this considered cheating? I know we didn’t meet yet but don’t tell me he loves me and he sees a Future with me and then do this. He ended it and met another girl on an app within days after telling me he loves me. Now she’s his gf and he tells her she’s the love of his life. And I’m stuck here grieving over a guy I never met like a real heartbreak. And he doesn’t even care about me. And it stings me so much that she thinks he’s the greatest guy ever because I’m sure he’s good to her. Is it just to me that he’s doing this and he’s so good to her??
I blocked him from everything and it’s been a month since we ended. But I’m having a hard time moving
on because my feelings were genuine. Please no harsh words.. can’t take them right now..
You hadn't even physically met yet. I don't believe you can call it "dating" if you haven't met in person and it doesn't seem "real" to say you're exclusive with someone when you haven't met them. If you aren't exclusive, it is NOT cheating.
You had something closer to an EMOTIONAL affair. Which is why you're hurting now. But it doesn't really matter whether he was really cheating, does it? You have broken up a month ago...you're not in contact. He said he cares about someone else.
It is very difficult to remain monogamous and "true" to someone when you have a very fragile relationship where you've not even met in person. Without something REAL to build on, there is little reason to stay committed to the person. Were you making plans to meet? Was it in the near future? If he felt there was little hope of actually meeting then he apparently felt free to pursue someone else or was otherwise easily tempted by "the real thing"? He could have gone about it in a less hurtful manner but it is not surprising that it happened.
Next time, I would suggest remaining a bit less attached until you have more indications of his true feelings - and this can start to happen by meeting in person.
Is it just to me that he’s doing this and he’s so good to her??
No. Quite sure you dodged a bullet.
I would just encourage you to not set your feelings on someone until after you meet. You just never know until you meet someone in person, and that really is the only way to get a truer idea of how they really are.
I know it hurts, but I hope you can one day think about him as someone who really wouldn't work for you and be glad that he's not in your life; because, what you're imagining him to be is imaginary. That doesn't exist. He doesn't exist in that way for you. He gave you a picture of himself that wasn't true. Best wishes.
I would just encourage you to not set your feelings on someone until after you meet. You just never know until you meet someone in person, and that really is the only way to get a truer idea of how they really are.
I know it hurts, but I hope you can one day think about him as someone who really wouldn't work for you and be glad that he's not in your life; because, what you're imagining him to be is imaginary. That doesn't exist. He doesn't exist in that way for you. He gave you a picture of himself that wasn't true. Best wishes.
My bf, now ex was doing a long distance thing. We had this connection and talked everyday for hours, texted all day, and had FaceTime dates. This was hours and hours of talking. But we did not meet yet. We became bf/gf even before meeting but we are old enough to know that we have something, I’m 30 and he’s 34 years old.
No. No, you didn't. You had part of a relationship, a part filtered through screens and phones. They are not the same thing. And you filled in the rest about what you had with projections and mind-reading and a lot of other things from your own head.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueskies22
We told each other we love each other already and he said I’m the love of his life and wants to marry me. BUT
Everything before a "but" can be ignored. And so it will be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueskies22
I found out he was talking to another girl and they were talking about intimate stuff, sending each other private pics. He doesn’t know that I know that. While he was texting with that girl about intimate stuff, he was also texting me how much he loves me. Isn’t this considered cheating? I know we didn’t meet yet but don’t tell me he loves me and he sees a Future with me and then do this. He ended it and met another girl on an app within days after telling me he loves me. Now she’s his gf and he tells her she’s the love of his life. And I’m stuck here grieving over a guy I never met like a real heartbreak. And he doesn’t even care about me. And it stings me so much that she thinks he’s the greatest guy ever because I’m sure he’s good to her. Is it just to me that he’s doing this and he’s so good to her??
The bolded parts are how you can know that you weren't bf/gf like you claim. You entertained each other with the idea of a relationship. You two had, at most, the appearance of a relationship--a parasocial relationship with the idea of him. It felt really good at the time...and then it collapsed, because it was only an image. Time to let it go, Elsa.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueskies22
I blocked him from everything and it’s been a month since we ended. But I’m having a hard time moving
on because my feelings were genuine. Please no harsh words.. can’t take them right now..
This is for the best. You had genuine feelings for a relationship that wasn't there. Now you have the chance to find a relationship IRL, not mediated through a phone or a screen, but in person.
No, it's not cheating, because you'd never even met. You didn't have a relationship.
It's dishonest and callous, but it's not cheating.
There are guys all over the internet doing this. It's a game to them. Look for people in your own community and nearby communities, so you can meet in person and take the time to get to know each other BEFORE anyone decides they're in love. Be careful not to fall in love with your own projections and imaginings about that person. This can happen even if you're seeing them regularly in real life.
Being needy can really get you into trouble. Don't be so eager to give your heart away.
No it's not cheating. You didn't even know him. You had a fantasy relationship. Now he's telling someone else what he thinks she wants to hear. If she's smart she won't go down fantasy lane with him and will insist on meeting him in the near future.
Next time you get to talking with someone don't settle for an imaginary relationship. Make sure they are located closely enough that there is no reason for him not to meet you within a couple weeks. Date in real life. I don't know about your mental age, but physically you are 30 years old and should know reality from fiction.
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