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I'm glad it's turned out so well for you. No marriage I was a part of would last seven minutes, let alone years. I just don't have the desire for it to happen or the will to make it work.
That's good that you know yourself. Too many people think they want marriage and kids or just play along to placate their partner then it all falls apart. It helps that we don't have kids.
I was very single until I got married seven years ago at age 46. My marriage is nothing like you describe.
Maybe not for you, but with my ex there were many discussions similar to what OP mentioned. A lot of it stemmed from the fact that my ex was incredibly insecure and was always paranoid that someone was mad at her. So if I was a little bit quiet because I just wanted some alone time, she was worried that I was angry about something she did.
I do not, nor can I see that changing. OP brings up something I absolutely dread, the idea of being accountable to, deeply engaged with and often very worried about someone else. Living together, sleeping together and discussing and negotiating every little thing from who gets to use the bathroom first to what to do on the weekend or watch on TV is a major lifestyle shift I couldn't deal with no matter how much I liked the other person.
There are plenty of opportunities for things to go wrong and, even when they're running smoothly, a simple 'honey, what are you thinking about?' (or similar) would have me clawing my own face off and looking for an escape hatch like a hunting dog on the trail of a fox.
'You're very quiet. What's up?'
'Nothing.'
'You haven't said a word for an hour.'
'I want you to enjoy your show.'
'It finished twenty minutes ago and I changed the channel. Didn't you notice?'
'Nope.'
'You must have something on your mind, then. Talk to me.'
*Silence follows. The shift from companionable to awkward is palpable*
'Okay. I was trying to remember how many Jon Pertwee era Doctor Who episodes had The Master in and I kept forgetting The Daemons.'
*Tense pause while my hypothetical partner considers what I've just said*
'REALLY?'
This is not how real people in relationships communicate. This is a TV sitcom script.
This is not how real people in relationships communicate. This is a TV sitcom script.
Something that a lot of the guys who dramatically espouse not being in a relationship often forget is that you don't have to be in a relationship with someone you don't like and who doesn't like you. (And of course, you don't have to be in a relationship at all.) All of the fake scenarios bring up the the question, "why would you even be in that relationship?"
I've read your replies for a while now and just have to wonder why you spend so much time on a relationship forum when you have no desire to be in one?
I'm trying to figure out why other people have such a strong desire to be in one when I find the whole idea absolutely torturous.
I don't care about those things but the people I have been in relationships with most certainly did. And that was the problem.
I'm not sure how bedsheet color preferences could be a problem. Did she want to replace yours with her favorite colors? If you truly don't care about bedsheet color, why not let her choose the colors? Why allow it to become a problem? Just relax, and let her do what makes her happy? You could put yours into storage, for in case you break up.
OTOH, if she didn't like your choice of an "unusual" (euphemism alert!) lamp or other item, maybe it was a sign that you two had some core values differences, and weren't a good match. How did you get involved with this person in the first place? Did you two move too fast to get into a relationship and move in with each other, before you knew each other well enough? Or was she coming over to your place, and critiquing your stuff?
Have you tried just moving on, or does this keep happening to you?
Maybe not for you, but with my ex there were many discussions similar to what OP mentioned. A lot of it stemmed from the fact that my ex was incredibly insecure and was always paranoid that someone was mad at her. So if I was a little bit quiet because I just wanted some alone time, she was worried that I was angry about something she did.
Did you try to reassure her, that she was fine, and that there was no axe over her head that was poised to fall? She may have either grown up in an environment where she didn't feel emotionally safe, or had a couple of bad relationships, where she was always blamed. After reassuring her, if she continued to do that, then it would be time to suggest she get some counseling, to clear the demons out of her closet, because the demons were conjured by her own mind, not yours, you could gently tell her.
IF you truly cared about her, that is. If she was just a bed-warmer for you, then it's understandable, that you'd find it not worth the patience to let her know she's loved, and that she might need some help exorcising her demons.
Did this aspect of her personality not manifest during the early dating stages, before you got more involved or moved in together? Maybe you missed a yellow or red flag.
I'm trying to figure out why other people have such a strong desire to be in one when I find the whole idea absolutely torturous.
Because it's nice to love and be loved, especially when it isn't forced. In my case, besides the love, companionship, caring, etc, I have more money now than I ever thought I would. Some people just get pets. Lol
Because it's nice to love and be loved, especially when it isn't forced. In my case, besides the love, companionship, caring, etc, I have more money now than I ever thought I would. Some people just get pets. Lol
I'm trying to figure out why someone that finds relationships torturous when even be a regular in these here forums.
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