Is moving quickly in itself a yellow flag if there are no other flags?
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But why do they HAVE to move fast? I was always told if you're in love now, and it's real, you will be in 3 months or 6 months so what's the rush? Especially these days - you're not waiting for sex until you get married....so why be in a hurry for anything? Because you're afraid it'll "wear off"? All the more reason to see how things progress before doing anything that's difficult to take back.
We were in different states when we met. We actually did wait until marriage for sex, that was our beliefs (it's still that way for some people). And since we lived in different states and I did not want him to move in with me until we were married (also against our beliefs), once we realized we were both in love we did want to get married rather quickly. But we both wanted to wait a year (got engaged after 6 months), we actually ended up getting married on the 2 year anniversary after we physically met (long story--it was difficult for him to find a job in my state due to his age and being out of state, not being able to stay to look constantly).
I just feel that if you know it you know it. No reason to wait though as I said before I think it's a good idea to wait for at least 6 months though I'd go with about a year just to make sure you know each other; most people are good at keeping a front for a little while, but the more time you spend with them it gets tougher to hide.
I also don't feel that anyone has to move fast, it's just sometimes you fall in love quickly. It was how it happened for my husband and I. And there's no way I can make myself love or unlove a person--I often wished there was some sort of switch I could turn on or off; life would be so much easier.
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Originally Posted by usayit
Some couples do fine sleeping in separate bedrooms because one is snorer and the other is a light sleeper... I'd be happy if that was the only issue to live with.
Whether or not he is moving too quickly or not is really up to you to decide.... everyone has a comfort zone. You can talk to him and slow him down through a frank discussion.
That was the case with my first long-term relationship--he was a loud snorer and I couldn't take it. We slept in separate rooms. Thankfully my husband's snoring didn't bother me that much.
And people move at different paces. Sometimes it's quick and it ends well and sometimes not; sometimes it moves slow and it turns out well but even then it can end badly. We have testimonies from all different types here. I think the common denominator is don't jump in to get married after a couple months--I haven't heard a success yet from that, though I'm sure they're out there. So even then, it can work. To me, with that kind of quickness you're really taking your chances. It's not too tough for someone to put up a facade for a month or two so you really don't know who you're marrying. That would be a little scary (though it's always possible it could just be two honest people who fell in love right away, and though they couldn't have known it at the time the positives outweighed the negatives on both sides).
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Originally Posted by mlj1225
I think that life is short and if you are both feeling good about it, then go for it.
I met my fiance online and we had our first date about a week after we started talking. We clicked quickly, had an amazing connection, and became exclusive with a couple of weeks. We just KNEW. Moved in together and got engaged after 5 months. It was a truly loving, fun, caring, deep relationship until he sadly passed away in December 2020.
If it doesn't work out, then so be it. You have to decide for yourself what works for you. Good luck!
Exactly. Sometimes the rush can be that you just don't know how long you have. My husband passed away in December 2018 and we had such a truly loving and deep connection. Never in my life before have I loved someone more than myself and it really is the best feeling in the world. Life is short and you just never know when the rug will be pulled out from under you. If you're both feeling it, there's no need to try to distance yourself from those emotions (and as I'm constantly repeating, I just wouldn't do a serious commitment until you have had enough time to actually get to know him, to discover if there actually are any negatives that you can't put up with. OP has found one "flaw". Everyone has them. You just have to make sure that the negatives don't outweigh the positives. My husband had a few negatives, but the positives outweighed them. The OP just needs to make sure it is the same in her relationship).
I wouldn't recommend dating someone else either, unless you meet another person that knocks your socks off. For me I wouldn't wanted to have dated anyone else other than my husband before we were engaged because I just wanted to be with him and no one else.
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Originally Posted by oh-eve
I usually value your opinion but this is ridiculous. You don't need to sleep with other people (and risk losing the guy you really want over this if he finds out) to know what you want. What kind of slutty advice is this??
So you are saying you want the guy you are dating to sleep around while dating you? To compare you with others? Makes ZERO sense to me.
Oh no--I think you misread her post. She said *no* sex, just casual dating. Yeah, I think sleeping around on someone you're dating is not a good idea (but then I don't agree with sleeping with anyone you're dating; I believe that should be reserved for marriage though I understand this is considered "old-fashioned". But it worked for my husband and I). Once you move to sleeping together, that should be exclusive then and you should only be with that person. Per my beliefs of course I feel that then you should marry that person, but then I don't think many these days would agree with me on that.
But she was just talking about casually dating other people while the OP was also dating this guy; I would agree with that if she met someone else she really took a liking too. But then now that the OP said she was sharing a bedroom with guy (which most people would take that to mean they're sleeping together), I wouldn't recommend that she date other people now.
Last edited by Basiliximab; 03-16-2022 at 04:25 AM..
I met my now-husband on a Saturday. Very brief conversation. We emailed back and forth that next week. We had an 8 hour phone call the Wednesday after that week (so a week and a half after meeting). Had our first date a few days later. Became “official” a week after that.
So between first meeting and becoming boyfriend/girlfriend was 3 weeks. And we were looking at rings 6 months in (but didn’t get engaged for almost another year after that).
Looking back, that sounds fast! But it didn’t feel fast. We were both in our 30s by this point and knew what we wanted in a partner. It felt like a natural progression.
Does that work for everyone? No. But if it feels natural, I’d say go with the flow and see what happens!
The joke's on me....My sweet kind gentleman has the worst kind of flaw...He snores like nobodies business. And just when you are wishing he'd stop snoring, he stops breathing altogether, because he has sleep apnea. Bless his heart!
Well, it didn't take long for him to get what he wanted.
Let us know how this progresses. Hopefully it will work out great long-term, and those urging being more cautious will be proven wrong. OTOH, I don't think people are out of line to suggest taking things slowly. There are good reasons for that, generally speaking, but there also are exceptional cases, as some posters have said.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 03-16-2022 at 10:42 AM..
We were in different states when we met. We actually did wait until marriage for sex, that was our beliefs (it's still that way for some people). And since we lived in different states and I did not want him to move in with me until we were married (also against our beliefs), once we realized we were both in love we did want to get married rather quickly. But we both wanted to wait a year (got engaged after 6 months), we actually ended up getting married on the 2 year anniversary after we physically met (long story--it was difficult for him to find a job in my state due to his age and being out of state, not being able to stay to look constantly).
I just feel that if you know it you know it. No reason to wait though as I said before I think it's a good idea to wait for at least 6 months though I'd go with about a year just to make sure you know each other; most people are good at keeping a front for a little while, but the more time you spend with them it gets tougher to hide.
...
It's great if you "know it" - but I have to wonder how many THOUGHT they knew it and were wrong? Yes, a great many - and if they found out AFTER they made major financial or marital committments then that's pretty costly.
But you say you knew and then took 2 years to get married - few would say that was fast in any sense. It'd have been far different if you said "to heck with needing a job first - let's just get hitched regardless!". No, you were looking at the reasonable kinds of factors that have to be considered...even THOUGH you "knew it". So you ended up waiting, and in the end it happened because you STILL "knew it" after two years.
[quote=Stagemomma;63088313]He texts me or calls daily just to say "Hi Beautiful". /quote]
This was the only thing you said so far that gave me the eye roll/uncomfortable feeling.
It's not really clear what is on your mind with this post. It sounds like you are fine and comfortable, but not sure why you keep saying it's hard to see each other. I feel like you've seen each other a lot.
Well, it didn't take long for him to get what he wanted.
Let us know how this progresses. Hopefully it will work out great long-term, and those urging being more cautious will be proven wrong. OTOH, I don't think people are out of line to suggest taking things slowly. There are good reasons for that, generally speaking, but there also are exceptional cases, as some posters have said.
You mean...It didn't take long for HER to get what SHE Wanted? That door swings both directions. What century are you living in? We aren't kids, we're adults well past 40.
He texts me or calls daily just to say "Hi Beautiful". /quote]
This was the only thing you said so far that gave me the eye roll/uncomfortable feeling.
It's not really clear what is on your mind with this post. It sounds like you are fine and comfortable, but not sure why you keep saying it's hard to see each other. I feel like you've seen each other a lot.
Have fun!
I've been ghosted a lot so the the texts are reassuring.
He is a firefighter/emt so works that crazy 24 hour on/24 hour off schedule that won't coincide with my more ordinary schedule. That is fine with me. I'm an introvert and can only handle so much togetherness before I need a break. Have we seen each other a lot? There were times when we COULD have been together that we opted not to be together, which I felt was a healthy choice. This weekend I'm going camping with friends and he can't go because he has to work. Frankly I'm relieved because his snoring would wake the whole campground and make him unpopular. I'm only half kidding.
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