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I've met this guy I really like and he gives every indication of being smitten with me. He comes across as a total gentleman, honest and kind. Unfailingly polite. He ticks all the boxes of what I'm looking for and has no yellow or red flags. None. I've met a lot of wing nuts, flakes and losers over the years and this guy strikes me as the genuine article. A Good Man. Gets along with his daughter. Doesn't drink to excess. Doesn't own a motorcycle. Isn't a diehard opposite me on the political spectrum. Didn't mind losing to me at bowling. Didn't mind going bowling (which we did on date number 3 instead of having sex). Has a sense of humor. Keeps the conversation going. Is encouraging and attentive. Has a good steady job.
So we are moving quickly...after one week we have taken down our Match profiles and he asked if he could call me his girlfriend. I'm not totally naïve. If it doesn't work out I will be disappointed but I will accept the reality. If it turns out I'm wrong about him i'll be relieved I dodged a bullet.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,711 posts, read 41,912,279 times
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A week is a little quick for my comfort. Yes I would be careful with this one since he may show impulsive thinking in other aspects to come. Not a red flag but definitely not one to ignore.
A week? Do you really know each other at this point?
Do you want to be his girlfriend?
When he asked you, what did you say?
I said yes. I'm game to be his girlfriend...not hard to be exclusive since there is no one else on the horizon and I'm dying every moment to spend time with him.
How well do we know each other? Not that well. I've wondered about that. But if you're with the right person, what do you need to know? I know the basics of his background, his career path, his lifestyle. Again, there is not one thing about him that makes me cautious. Only my own natural sense of caution and years of experience.
Is love at first sight an actual thing? I would not say it was love at first sight, but on the third date, before he asked if he could call me his girlfriend, my heart was leaping around in my chest and I was envisioning us being old together. That is not normal for me.
Go for it if you're game! There are a lot of negative naysayers on this forum and I am not one of them but I will share this little tip of wisdom I have come to learn-
The first few months to about 6 months or so there is a hormonally fueled rosy glow to everything you see about a new person. Everything seems wonderful and fun and the future is perfect and bright.
After that, reality creeps in and you will notice that things will start to annoy you or things he does are not what you want/like, etc. That is fine - either work through them or don't as a couple.
HOWEVER, please do not be like so many stupid girls I know who fall "in love" with who they want a man to be and how they want a man to act. Be sure to fall in love with who he is right now and how he acts right now because you will not change him or if you keep trying your life will be misery with nagging, whining, arguing, etc.
Love is not about how he could make you feel or how he has made you feel during an early honeymoon phase but instead about loving him for who he is as he is. Make your choice with that.
The majority of my relationships have been with narcissists. In my personal experience, moving at lightning speed was a red flag. Most of them did this. I think it’s probably best to get to know a person slowly and let things develop and grow.
I've met this guy I really like and he gives every indication of being smitten with me. He comes across as a total gentleman, honest and kind. Unfailingly polite. He ticks all the boxes of what I'm looking for and has no yellow or red flags. None. I've met a lot of wing nuts, flakes and losers over the years and this guy strikes me as the genuine article. A Good Man. Gets along with his daughter. Doesn't drink to excess. Doesn't own a motorcycle. Isn't a diehard opposite me on the political spectrum. Didn't mind losing to me at bowling. Didn't mind going bowling (which we did on date number 3 instead of having sex). Has a sense of humor. Keeps the conversation going. Is encouraging and attentive. Has a good steady job.
So we are moving quickly...after one week we have taken down our Match profiles and he asked if he could call me his girlfriend. I'm not totally naïve. If it doesn't work out I will be disappointed but I will accept the reality. If it turns out I'm wrong about him i'll be relieved I dodged a bullet.
So what am I missing?
You've been on at least three dates in one week? Just trying to understand how each of you have so much free time available?
I said yes. I'm game to be his girlfriend...not hard to be exclusive since there is no one else on the horizon and I'm dying every moment to spend time with him.
How well do we know each other? Not that well. I've wondered about that. But if you're with the right person, what do you need to know? I know the basics of his background, his career path, his lifestyle. Again, there is not one thing about him that makes me cautious. Only my own natural sense of caution and years of experience.
Is love at first sight an actual thing? I would not say it was love at first sight, but on the third date, before he asked if he could call me his girlfriend, my heart was leaping around in my chest and I was envisioning us being old together. That is not normal for me.
Love at first sight isn't a thing for me but then I have to know someone for at least six months before I'll even go out with him.
If you're enjoying each other's company by all means continue, how nice.
Your wisdom and experience are guiding you to proceed with caution. Listen to them.
Have fun but keep your emotions in check. If you attach easily after being intimate, keep that in mind as well. You've only known him for a week.
You've been on at least three dates in one week? Just trying to understand how each of you have so much free time available?
I wondered the same thing.
I agree with you that getting exclusive is not a big deal, but I'm not a "date several at a time" type of person. That said, your criteria, for me, feel pretty "entry level." How's the relationship with his daughter's mother? How long as he been in his job, and is that what he wants for the future? Is his place a mess or OCD-level perfect?
It's less about "moving quickly" and more about doing your homework. There are lots of ways to build a strong connection in a short amount of time, but don't necessarily stamp "Approved" such that you turn blind to potential flags moving forward.
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