Is it possible or a good idea for a guy with aspergers/autism to get married??
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Considering I knew nothing about the geography of Seattle, or perhaps its demographics, I’m guessing you and she could not afford a condo close to her parents in Magnolia if you married? Is Northgate that far away from Magnolia that they could not check in with her occasionally? It looks close enough…
If these relatively simple logistics are beyond the two of you, perhaps you should stick with the status quo.
This woman's parents told me they are willing to buy her a condo.
This woman's parents told me they are willing to buy her a condo.
Cool. Looks like you’re set.
You’re obviously a smart person. Get solid financial advice before you get too far in. The two of you will also benefit from pre-marital counseling to get ready for life together.
I admit to being completely in the blind on how this condition affects healthy relationships. Thought such a condition has to fake certain social situations so as not to shine light on some of its affects. Such as in Amy's book, he husband watched her fall and he neither helped her up or even inquired if she was ok. He just acted like...ohh well, over to fix my tie.
She knew in that moment he was utterly disconnected in empathy or compassion. Not that he didn't have any, he was disconnected from it.
This is not exclusive to people with Asperger's! I've seen women struggling to get groceries or bulky, awkward purchases out of the car and into the house, and the guys don't offer any help. Instead, they bark orders or make jokes about their wife's clumsiness, or tell them they're not doing it right. Even when the women say, "Don't just stand there, help me!", nothing happens.
Or if they drop something while struggling to get everything into the house, the guy will just stand there and tell her she dropped an item.
Do you both have the patience to put up with each other's quirks and medical needs? Are you sure you want to lock yourself into this 24/7, every day, for months and years on end? You don't even know if she's keeping you around just for your chauffeur services and free meals. It doesn't sound like you know her well enough to get married.
People who get married because they're lonely and want companionship tend to get rude awakenings. It takes more than that, and more than enjoying someone's company once or twice a week, to sustain a marriage.
I can't tell you whether you should marry a particular woman, but to answer the question in your title: If you find someone you want to spend your life with, and she feels the same way about you, and you can live together in decent financial shape, of course you could get married.
Perhaps you should be addressing the other unspoken question, about whether you can get help figuring out the problem with your keeping a job, and see if you can solve that.
Do you both have the patience to put up with each other's quirks and medical needs? Are you sure you want to lock yourself into this 24/7, every day, for months and years on end? You don't even know if she's keeping you around just for your chauffeur services and free meals. It doesn't sound like you know her well enough to get married.
People who get married because they're lonely and want companionship tend to get rude awakenings. It takes more than that, and more than enjoying someone's company once or twice a week, to sustain a marriage.
Why rush, OP? Take your time.
In a positive note if this isn't the right woman for me there are other fish in the sea. I will take my time.
I'm Aspergers, and I've found that ASD doesn't really get in the way of my relationships with NT. I don't think I've ever dated an Aspie. But my general feeling is that two Aspies are not a very promising combination.
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