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You are missing the big picture and focusing on the wrong things. You had a mostly successful date, she liked you enough to sit in the park in the rain. You are having some successes here. But instead of appreciating your wins, you are self-sabotaging trying to steal defeat from the jaws of victory. Lots of women are flakes. Lots of people are flakes. That is just part of the dating process and that happens to the best of us.
If you are going to keep self sabotaging yourself focusing on the wrong thing about this date you are going to continue to have problems with dating.
There are other women who are just less flakey, you need to have enough at bats to actually meet and date one of them. This was a base hit, not a home run, but you got on base. You had a mostly successful date. But instead of focusing on the fact that you are getting better here, you are beating yourself up because you didn't score in this game. That is not how dating works. You build on your successes. You get women to agree to go to dinner, you get better at dinner dates. You get better at small talk. You get better at getting them to do additional activities like going to the park. Eventually you get better at getting them to call you back.
But if you quit now, you stop getting better at all. You just feel sorry for yourself and let your insecurities and negative self talk tell you that you suck.
You don't suck, but if you give up now, you won't have better results. If you look at how people get better at poker, its not about focusing on whether you won or lost the hand as much as how well you played the hand you were given. Sometimes you are just dealt a bad hand and you are going to lose no matter how you play it and sometimes you are given a great hand and play it badly. You evaluate your skill in poker not based upon whether you won or lost the hand, but how well you played the hand that you were dealt.
It's the same thing with dating. If the woman you asked out was a flake, that is just a bad hand, but you played this bad hand very well. You got her to go into the park and talk to you in the rain. Your dating skills are actually getting better here. You played this hand about as good as you could. You are not responsible for her flakiness that is on her. You are responsible for keeping the conversation fun and flirty and for getting her enough to trust you to go with you to the park. The fact that you kept the conversation going in the rain means you do have some skills here. Focus on your victories when you have them and you had one this week.
Now is not the time to give up now is the time to press forward.
Not getting better if there is no 2nd date. The reason I was 98% sure she was interested was because that was the first time a woman ever send me a text after a date telling me to call her later.
Sorry you are feeling bad! You sound like a sincere person who is hurt/disappointed at the seeming insincerity of another person.
But as another poster pointed out, you have very little information to currently go by, other than a non-response within 24-48 hours.There could be many explanations or the final explanation could be that you ran across a pleasant but insincere person- that would be no loss to you in the greater picture, would it?
I would not contact her again but wait to see if/when she contacts you what she says. If you find what she says is reasonable, then you could decide to give it another shot... but if you don't then simply move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Also, from what I have been hearing from the younger, single people in my life... this is currently a strange and hard time to be single and meeting/connecting with other young people has gotten significantly harder than pre-covid, pre-weird politics and pre-tumultuous world in general. I don't know why? but this is what I am being told. My very attractive, well-educated, funny and sweet nephew says that he feels the dating rules have changed, and no one told him what the new rules are...he is confused... you are not alone.
Good or bad outcome, that date will work itself out and you will move forward, regardless.
Do no let your confidence or sincerity be diminished !
She sent me a text after she got inside the Uber saying call her later. I called 4 hours later and she didnt pick up. I sent a text the next day asking how her day was and she didnt reply to the text or return my phone call. After saying CALL her later
OP, 10:45 is an odd time to call on a night, when she has work the next day. Why didn't you call about an hour later, just to ask if she got home ok? Why wait 4 hours, until it's almost 11 pm? Some people have their phones programmed to not ring after a certain hour.
That still doesn't explain why she didn't respond to your text at the end of the work day the next day. I hope she's ok.
OP, 10:45 is an odd time to call on a night, when she has work the next day. Why didn't you call about an hour later, just to ask if she got home ok? Why wait 4 hours, until it's almost 11 pm? Some people have their phones programmed to not ring after a certain hour.
That still doesn't explain why she didn't respond to your text at the end of the work day the next day. I hope she's ok.
^This.
10:45PM is way too late to call. I would've let him go to voicemail, too.
OP, next time, try to call women earlier in the evening, well before 9PM. If she was into you at all, she was definitely expecting your call hours earlier.
I think I am going back on dating hiatus because was one of the most positive experiences I had on a 1st meet in about 6 years and still she goes missing in action after the date.
So we met at a Pizza restaurant yesterday and had good conversation during dinner and shared a lot of laughs. We decided to walk to the park after dinner and it started raining on the way there. It wasnt a hard rain just a little drizzle but it seemed like it never stopped. So and talked in the park while it rained and she asked me about my previous relationship. She also complimented me on how nice my hair was and said I have nice eyes. So after an hour we decided to leave and she called an Uber. When the Uber arrived the guy stopped in the middle of the street and all the cars behind him was beeping their horns so she had to run and get inside the car. That prevented me from giving her a hug when we said goodbye.
Once she got in the car and left she sent me a text saying "sorry I was nervous about the traffic so I had to quickly get in the car, call me later" And I responded I will. So I arrived home around 7pm and called about 10:45pm and didnt get answer which was shocking. So i was like......well maybe she fell asleep. So I went to bed not knowing if she made it home safely or not. Today I woke and no text from her at all. So I decided to wait until after work today to text her "how was her monday". I sent that text at 5pm and its now 1030pm and no response. So how can I get up the mental energy to go on another date after what seemed to be strong interest from her tuned out to be all fake? That was the first time I been complimented on a date in about 5 years and if no communication comes after that experience then I probably wont meet anyone else until October
Its only been one day?
Give her some time. She may be busy working or taking care of something.
When she said call later she probably didn't mean that same night. You could have waited a day or two or three but I understand you were excited about her.
She may still get back to you. You are panicking too soon about it imo
I also agree with the others 10:45 pm is too late to call. I think in a previous thread you were also advised not to call people late.
A good point was brought up on why you waited until late to call her. Dating is a balancing act. You don't want to come off too desperate and so some "rules" are applied such as waiting a while to call back. However, you want to show signs that you want more than friendship so maybe you call a bit sooner than is "advised".
I have a general rule and it applies to everyone. The person with the least flexibility will be the one who communicates the most when we finally do get to talk. I don't tell anyone this rule, because it is for me alone to guide my next steps - and to have some standards for myself - and not meant to criticize the other person. You did great sending a follow-up text the next day so you are showing your flexibility. She has not responded. I would view that as her not being as flexible (or perhaps not interested). So if she does finally reach out to you, her reason for not responding should sound reasonable to you. You may not like the reason but you should be able to see why she might think that. In addition, sometimes the other person won't mention the message. I will bring it up - "hey, did you get my message?"
It is not just behavior you are judging but also the ability to build good communication - basically trust. So the next time she says, call me later, you should have a clearer understanding of what that means, not perfect though. Nothing is perfect and sometimes it is difficult to communicate what one is thinking.
Not getting better if there is no 2nd date. The reason I was 98% sure she was interested was because that was the first time a woman ever send me a text after a date telling me to call her later.
Later as in 10:45 pm on a work day. Hello voice mail.
She sent me a text after she got inside the Uber saying call her later. I called 4 hours later and she didnt pick up. I sent a text the next day asking how her day was and she didnt reply to the text or return my phone call. After saying CALL her later
It’s unfortunate that you enjoyed the date so much, only to feel disappointed in the hours/days after, but working yourself up over an unanswered text message after one date is a bit much. There’s a whole bunch of reasons why this all came about, but I suspect that no matter the reason, if you explain to her that after 4hrs of not responding to your text you blasted her in an internet forum, she’d run away as fast as possible.
Have you NEVER met someone, man or woman, and left thinking “wow they’re awesome”, only to later decide “actually… they’re not for me…” or maybe THEY had that thought later on.
Have you NEVER got a text at a bad time, not replied, and then forgot about it?
You were a date, not a husband, father, long time friend, or other significant part of her life… I know it’s disappointing, life is, but… perspective…
I disagree with the person who said to wait 2 days to call. I'd be long through with the prospect of dating that person if they waited that long. Your 4 hours to call would be enough to have disappointed me. Not being there I can't tell how it really was, but it almost sounded like she wanted to continue the conversation. If so, she may have basically been sitting there at home just waiting for you to call. She may have given up by the time you got around to it.
Maybe it is because I had to pick back up on dating in my 40s, but I don't have the time to waste playing any kind of games. I only had a few dates before I met my current boyfriend, but they were definitely calling me before I ever even made it home after the date. I knew I wasn't going to go on another date with them, and I might have fudged a bit since I am horrible with conflict, but I made sure to tell them the truth within hours, not days, and certainly never ghosted anyone.
OP, I'm almost afraid to ask this, but we know your tendency to lash out at women you feel rejected by.
Did you happen to send her a nasty message after not receiving a reply?
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