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So, I met my boyfriend in 2019 at uni and we started dating towards the end of 2020. Then we started dating again in 2021/2022.
He told me in 2021 that he was going to go to an exchange program to Slovakia in 2022, for a semester. We’re from South America. So, it’s the other side of the world we’re talking about. I have family (sister included) living abroad. It’s already hard for me because my sister moving to Belgium 3 years ago was like a kick on my private parts. I also have uncles aunts and cousins living in Europe. They moved about a year ago. Still hard to process.
When my (now ex) boyfriend told me that, he was like “we will do our own lives while I’m away”. And I was like huh? Sorry? I didn’t listen to him and tried to forget about that conversation. But he warned me months ago, that he didn’t want a long distance relationship, he wanted a free pass and then when he came back, I’ll be there waiting for him as if nothing happened. He mentioned that his brother did this with his girlfriend. They would break up, and then come back together. All of this because the guy decided to do an exchange program.
So, my grandfather passed away from cancer suddenly a few days before my boyfriend would leave for the exchange program. I was a mess. I saw him the day before he died, agonizing.
I got drunk one night and my parents got really mad at me because they don’t want me to drink. They didn’t allow me to go outside of the house, as a punishment, but they did allow people to come to the house if they wanted to. But I wasn’t allowed to leave. It was like a “punishment” for drinking and getting drunk and lying to my parents that I didn’t drink. When they could see that I did drink and I was drunk. They got really pissed at me.
My boyfriend invited me over to dinner three days before leaving, and I had to tell him no, because of the punishment. He got really mad at me and started making me feel guilty, saying things like “It breaks my heart that you don’t wanna see me. If you really cared about me, you would’ve escaped your house to see me”. And stuff like that. He also told me “I feel like I’m dating a little kid.”
He made me feel so bad about myself and also about my parents, my family. He wouldn’t even compromise. I told him he could come to the house, but he still insisted that I’m a little kid and I don’t care about him because I just wouldn’t go against my parents. He tried to make me feel guilty for not going over to dinner. He was like “I can’t believe I can’t see my girlfriend three days before leaving”. “It hurts that you don’t even think about escaping the house.” And I was like “of course I think about that, but I’d have consequences if I did that!” And he kept on saying that my parents are bad people and that I don’t really care about him at all.
The next day he came to my house. He “compromised” there and came. He still insisted that I was the problem and I had to tell him “I’m sorry” multiple times for him to forgive me, but then he was like “I forgive you but I don’t forget. We’re still together but I won’t forget this”.
The day before he’d leave, I went to his house for two hours (my parents were a little less mad so they allowed me to go), and we did a proper goodbye. Then we kept on texting and before he came on to the plane we had conversations.
Then when he got there we did a video call. I talked about my parents and he was like “we already had this conversation. I still think you didn’t care about me enough in that moment, that you don’t really care.” And I told him “I disagree”. He told me he doesn’t believe in labels, and he asked for a break in the relationship. I saw that coming, because when I asked him how often he’d like to video call, he just ignored me. I agreed to the break, but I asked him to keep on texting, because I didn’t want to lose communication. So we did that.
Days passed and he started posting photos hugging other women on Instagram. (Stories). He posted only once, one photo hugging me during our entire relationship. I said nothing, but he kept posting similar photos and I sent him “It really hurts my feelings that you don’t consider how I might feel about you posting photos hugging other women that I don’t even know, and being on the other side of the world”.
He told me “I’m having a great time and I’m sharing this with the people that love me. They are my friends and I always hug my friends. If you don’t wanna see it, I can hide my stories or delete you from the best friends list. I love you, I have an exam to take. Kisses”.
I told him “there’s no need for you to hide your stories. I’m glad you’re having a good time. Good luck on your exams, love you too”.
Guess what he did. He hid his stories from me and I figured it out. I was so pissed, that I texted him “Why are you hiding your stories from me? Why do you do things that hurt me? The break, we’re you breaking up with me or what? I’m lost and I think it’s unfair to be waiting here for you if you don’t know what to do”.
He apologized for hiding his stories from me. He told me “You are right. I’m sorry. I hid the story from you because I posted a similar photo (hugging the girl) and I figured you would be pissed. Then I completely forgot to add you again to watch the stories. I think it might be better for the both of us if we break up maybe.”
I was SO angry you can’t even imagine. I was like “you made me waste all this time and now you’re saying you want to break up? You posted only one photo hugging me in the entirety of your relationship. You don’t care about me. It’s best if we break up”. He told me “I do care about you, it’s that my priorities are somewhere else now”. I told him that he doesn’t care about me, that if he did, we would video call as I suggested, and he wouldn’t be asking for a break. He told me “I don’t give a damn about video calls, I didn’t want a long distance relationship which I told you multiple times already”. I told him “giving me time doesn’t hurt your priorities.” He was like “I disagree”. So I asked him “you are telling me you can’t give me time? Even a little bit?” And he replied: “I don’t have time, space, energy, nor the willingness to do this”.
This whole conversation left me heartbroken. He also was like “when we became boyfriend and girlfriend I told you I was going to go away. Of course you give more to the relationship, but I already told you how much I was willing to give. Now you have to decide what to do with that.” He was so mean and harsh to me. It’s like he was a completely different person.
He was like “I’m not going to do something I don’t want to do. And I agree, it’s not fair to you.” Because I told him “It’s not fair to me that you don’t even feel like giving me time or making me a priority on your life. All because you just don’t WANT TO. It’s unfair.”
He told me “I knew long distance wouldn’t work. It’s nothing about you, it’s just how it works. I already told you about my brother. And also I lived away for 3 years so I know how it is. I don’t want you to suffer”.
We ended on good terms. But I also told him “I feel so sad. I hope some day you can learn how to treat people with respect, and the way they deserve.”
I also told him I wish him well on everything and he did the same too. I told him “it hurts to say goodbye, but well.” And he told me “okay. Anything you need just text me”. And I never texted him again, and he never texted me again.
This happened two weeks ago and I still feel sad. What can I do to get over this and feel better. I feel guilty for what happened before he left, but at the same time I don’t think I deserve his mistreatment. I don’t think it’s justified. Is it justified? To be honest I just feel used and discarded. This hurts deeply.
So, I met my boyfriend in 2019 at uni and we started dating towards the end of 2020. Then we started dating again in 2021/2022.
He told me in 2021 that he was going to go to an exchange program to Slovakia in 2022, for a semester. We’re from South America. So, it’s the other side of the world we’re talking about. I have family (sister included) living abroad. It’s already hard for me because my sister moving to Belgium 3 years ago was like a kick on my private parts. I also have uncles aunts and cousins living in Europe. They moved about a year ago. Still hard to process.
When my (now ex) boyfriend told me that, he was like “we will do our own lives while I’m away”. And I was like huh? Sorry? I didn’t listen to him and tried to forget about that conversation. But he warned me months ago, that he didn’t want a long distance relationship, he wanted a free pass and then when he came back, I’ll be there waiting for him as if nothing happened. He mentioned that his brother did this with his girlfriend. They would break up, and then come back together. All of this because the guy decided to do an exchange program.
So, my grandfather passed away from cancer suddenly a few days before my boyfriend would leave for the exchange program. I was a mess. I saw him the day before he died, agonizing.
I got drunk one night and my parents got really mad at me because they don’t want me to drink. They didn’t allow me to go outside of the house, as a punishment, but they did allow people to come to the house if they wanted to. But I wasn’t allowed to leave. It was like a “punishment” for drinking and getting drunk and lying to my parents that I didn’t drink. When they could see that I did drink and I was drunk. They got really pissed at me.
My boyfriend invited me over to dinner three days before leaving, and I had to tell him no, because of the punishment. He got really mad at me and started making me feel guilty, saying things like “It breaks my heart that you don’t wanna see me. If you really cared about me, you would’ve escaped your house to see me”. And stuff like that. He also told me “I feel like I’m dating a little kid.”
He made me feel so bad about myself and also about my parents, my family. He wouldn’t even compromise. I told him he could come to the house, but he still insisted that I’m a little kid and I don’t care about him because I just wouldn’t go against my parents. He tried to make me feel guilty for not going over to dinner. He was like “I can’t believe I can’t see my girlfriend three days before leaving”. “It hurts that you don’t even think about escaping the house.” And I was like “of course I think about that, but I’d have consequences if I did that!” And he kept on saying that my parents are bad people and that I don’t really care about him at all.
The next day he came to my house. He “compromised” there and came. He still insisted that I was the problem and I had to tell him “I’m sorry” multiple times for him to forgive me, but then he was like “I forgive you but I don’t forget. We’re still together but I won’t forget this”.
The day before he’d leave, I went to his house for two hours (my parents were a little less mad so they allowed me to go), and we did a proper goodbye. Then we kept on texting and before he came on to the plane we had conversations.
Then when he got there we did a video call. I talked about my parents and he was like “we already had this conversation. I still think you didn’t care about me enough in that moment, that you don’t really care.” And I told him “I disagree”. He told me he doesn’t believe in labels, and he asked for a break in the relationship. I saw that coming, because when I asked him how often he’d like to video call, he just ignored me. I agreed to the break, but I asked him to keep on texting, because I didn’t want to lose communication. So we did that.
Days passed and he started posting photos hugging other women on Instagram. (Stories). He posted only once, one photo hugging me during our entire relationship. I said nothing, but he kept posting similar photos and I sent him “It really hurts my feelings that you don’t consider how I might feel about you posting photos hugging other women that I don’t even know, and being on the other side of the world”.
He told me “I’m having a great time and I’m sharing this with the people that love me. They are my friends and I always hug my friends. If you don’t wanna see it, I can hide my stories or delete you from the best friends list. I love you, I have an exam to take. Kisses”.
I told him “there’s no need for you to hide your stories. I’m glad you’re having a good time. Good luck on your exams, love you too”.
Guess what he did. He hid his stories from me and I figured it out. I was so pissed, that I texted him “Why are you hiding your stories from me? Why do you do things that hurt me? The break, we’re you breaking up with me or what? I’m lost and I think it’s unfair to be waiting here for you if you don’t know what to do”.
He apologized for hiding his stories from me. He told me “You are right. I’m sorry. I hid the story from you because I posted a similar photo (hugging the girl) and I figured you would be pissed. Then I completely forgot to add you again to watch the stories. I think it might be better for the both of us if we break up maybe.”
I was SO angry you can’t even imagine. I was like “you made me waste all this time and now you’re saying you want to break up? You posted only one photo hugging me in the entirety of your relationship. You don’t care about me. It’s best if we break up”. He told me “I do care about you, it’s that my priorities are somewhere else now”. I told him that he doesn’t care about me, that if he did, we would video call as I suggested, and he wouldn’t be asking for a break. He told me “I don’t give a damn about video calls, I didn’t want a long distance relationship which I told you multiple times already”. I told him “giving me time doesn’t hurt your priorities.” He was like “I disagree”. So I asked him “you are telling me you can’t give me time? Even a little bit?” And he replied: “I don’t have time, space, energy, nor the willingness to do this”.
This whole conversation left me heartbroken. He also was like “when we became boyfriend and girlfriend I told you I was going to go away. Of course you give more to the relationship, but I already told you how much I was willing to give. Now you have to decide what to do with that.” He was so mean and harsh to me. It’s like he was a completely different person.
He was like “I’m not going to do something I don’t want to do. And I agree, it’s not fair to you.” Because I told him “It’s not fair to me that you don’t even feel like giving me time or making me a priority on your life. All because you just don’t WANT TO. It’s unfair.”
He told me “I knew long distance wouldn’t work. It’s nothing about you, it’s just how it works. I already told you about my brother. And also I lived away for 3 years so I know how it is. I don’t want you to suffer”.
We ended on good terms. But I also told him “I feel so sad. I hope some day you can learn how to treat people with respect, and the way they deserve.”
I also told him I wish him well on everything and he did the same too. I told him “it hurts to say goodbye, but well.” And he told me “okay. Anything you need just text me”. And I never texted him again, and he never texted me again.
This happened two weeks ago and I still feel sad. What can I do to get over this and feel better. I feel guilty for what happened before he left, but at the same time I don’t think I deserve his mistreatment. I don’t think it’s justified. Is it justified? To be honest I just feel used and discarded. This hurts deeply.
Sorry, in what way is this new thread you started, much different than the one you started about the same "dodged a bullet" ex a few weeks ago?
I don't really have time to read this novel, but your headline prompted my response. When people in a relationship breakup, it isn't anyone's fault. It just didn't work for whatever reasons and nobody should be blamed. If someone cheats and the other can't deal with it, same thing. Didn't work. You shouldn't blame nor blaspheme an ex for anything. If anyone asks me, i say "he's a great guy, it just didn't work out." END OF SUBJECT
It doesn't matter what happened or didn't happen or how it happened or anything. It's ended. There's nothing to talk about or validations to be made or expectations to be met. It's over. Move on.
He’s just selfish and not relationship material. He even told you in so many words. He sounds like a real creep. When he comes back, do not go back, get over him, heal, next time around find someone not a player. Double standards. Also the insulting your family, omg what a self centered baby, wanting you to break rules because he couldn't come to your house and threatened you “ he’ll never forget”. Op what were you doing worshipping this sexist slime?
You are your own problem. Your bf leaving is the least of it, and in all honesty it sounds like he dodged a bullet.
I agree. The OP’s issues with having her family live abroad is not her boyfriend’s issue. He made it clear in 2021 that he intended to study abroad this year. It’s probably something he has been planning to do for some time, and it’s not realistic to think he will change his mind due to someone he’s just been dating a couple of months. It makes sense when she’s apparently going to freak out if there are pictures of him hugging someone posted on social media.
I can also understand the frustration with the OP apparently getting grounded when she’s a grown adult who seems to be of legal age to drink.
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