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Did your son show any interest in having the items returned to him? Like, “Gee, Dad, I can’t wait to get all those old Power Rangers back?” If he did, then how you handled it was a real “Richard” move. If he doesn’t care about it, then no big deal, although I think everyone in your household could work on improving your communication skills.
My MIL is moving from Long Island to Grenada. She is relying heavily on my wife to help her with this move. My wife is also being groomed to take over as CEO of her company, so she currently works long hours from home and once a week in office. My MIL (Mother-In-Law) is emptying her home to have the items and her vehicle shipped to Grenada. This past Saturday my MIL calls us to inform us that our son (who is 32 years old and still lives at home with us) left a few boxes of Clothes and collectible toys in her attic. My wife tells her that we will come by and pick these things up during the week (we live in Westchester County about an hour away from where my MIL lives). My wife then informs me that due to the meetings she has this week for work that she would not be able to take time off to travel to help me pick up our son's things. I told her that I would simply go with our son to pick up his things from his Grandmother's house. My son only works 3 days a week (Mon, Wed, and Friday). So I tell him we will go Tuesday Morning. He tells me he has plans and I tell him look since you don't have a car or means to get there and your Grandmother needs to empty her house you need to go and do your part by removing the things she allowed you to store in her attic. I also tell him that I would rather spend my day doing something else because I'm retired. I tell my son simply that he was coming with me on Tuesday morning to get his things and there will be no further discussion on the matter. Five minutes later my wife storms into our room and tells me that I was wrong for speaking to him that way and that I should go get the things on Thursday. I tell her I have plans for that day and that I already told him when we were going. My wife then said that I will be making that trip alone and walks off. I now have had enough so I got in the car Sunday and went out to Long Island and picked up all his stuff. Early this morning I took his things to Good Will and left them there. On Tuesday I will spend the day at the range. Did I communicate my feelings, and why could my wife either stay out of it, or at least acknowledge my feelings? I did what I was supposed to do by telling her that I didn't want to do this in the first place, yet I agreed due to her work schedule. Was it too much to expect my son who owns the stuff to help clear out his Grandmother's house when I said we were going to?
Your wife was out of line by getting upset with you. You did not do anything at all wrong, other than go alone to get the stuff for your son. Taking it to Goodwill was a good idea. Both son and wife owe you an apology. Your wife allows your son to behave like he does and your son was inconsiderate of your feelings.
I was the one being asked to do this favor, so what I wanted to do was indeed way more important than his plans were. Sometimes a person has to understand that they can't choose to do things their way when they need other people's help. At least that's how I was raised and thought I raised my children the same way. The guy who owns the car and has the time should make the rules. As far as I'm concerned the condition (items left at my MIL's house that she is trying to remove, so she can clean the house out to move to her new home) was corrected.
What I see is you put your foot down, was ignored and then threw his stuff out in retaliation. I remember at one point when I was trying to mediate between my college student step brother (12 years younger than me) and my father, that I told my father, why don't you sit down and smoke a joint with your son and see if you can have a meeting of the minds. My father answered, because if I did that he wouldn't respect me. I thought to myself, he doesn't respect you now. At my father's funeral at the age of 64 (a massive heart attack) I was pretty broken up. My step brother was really enthused about the new suit his Mom bought him for the funeral.
I was the one being asked to do this favor, so what I wanted to do was indeed way more important than his plans were. Sometimes a person has to understand that they can't choose to do things their way when they need other people's help. At least that's how I was raised and thought I raised my children the same way. The guy who owns the car and has the time should make the rules. As far as I'm concerned the condition (items left at my MIL's house that she is trying to remove, so she can clean the house out to move to her new home) was corrected.
I think you have been quite reasonable. You were doing a favor, and your son and wife should have appreciated it and worked with you on it. If they didn't like your schedule and availability, then they could have made arrangements with your MIL themselves, and if they didn't, your MIL would have been within her rights to get rid of the stuff. That is the only thing I would have done differently. I would have said, "Okay, then I'll let you two figure it out with Grandmother."
Isn't possession nine-tenths of the law? Unless there was some written agreement between your son and your MIL that she would return his stuff to him, I don't see where he has any grounds for taking you to small claims court or other such nonsense. He's 32 years old. He should know how to take responsibility for his belongings by now.
Did your son show any interest in having the items returned to him? Like, “Gee, Dad, I can’t wait to get all those old Power Rangers back?” If he did, then how you handled it was a real “Richard” move. If he doesn’t care about it, then no big deal, although I think everyone in your household could work on improving your communication skills.
He did state that there are a few toys he had that would have value (Hess Trucks in the box, Original Teenage Mutant Ninja action figures and a Voltron in the box, And first edition Pokemon Cards). I will tell him that he should have shown some respect and been there to help me get his stuff. I will tell him what happened Tuesday afternoon after I get home from the range.
They don't know I went out to pick up his things yesterday. When I got to my MIL's house she already left for work (she still works until they move) and her husband let me in. As far as the personal property goes Both my wife and son said I would have to go out there to pick the things up. They never told me what to do after I picked the things up, so if my son has the $$ he could take me to small claims court if he decides to. I'm not worried about that.
No, I don't imagine you are worried about that. Or your relationship with your son, for that matter. Go shoot your guns, man.
(And parents are baffled why their children estrange themselves once they leave home.)
ETA: OOOF, a review of the poster's history paints a pretty toxic picture.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SKP440
I call those without children the lucky ones. Not a popular opinion but its mine.
My MIL is moving from Long Island to Grenada. She is relying heavily on my wife to help her with this move. My wife is also being groomed to take over as CEO of her company, so she currently works long hours from home and once a week in office. My MIL (Mother-In-Law) is emptying her home to have the items and her vehicle shipped to Grenada. This past Saturday my MIL calls us to inform us that our son (who is 32 years old and still lives at home with us) left a few boxes of Clothes and collectible toys in her attic. My wife tells her that we will come by and pick these things up during the week (we live in Westchester County about an hour away from where my MIL lives). My wife then informs me that due to the meetings she has this week for work that she would not be able to take time off to travel to help me pick up our son's things. I told her that I would simply go with our son to pick up his things from his Grandmother's house. My son only works 3 days a week (Mon, Wed, and Friday). So I tell him we will go Tuesday Morning. He tells me he has plans and I tell him look since you don't have a car or means to get there and your Grandmother needs to empty her house you need to go and do your part by removing the things she allowed you to store in her attic. I also tell him that I would rather spend my day doing something else because I'm retired. I tell my son simply that he was coming with me on Tuesday morning to get his things and there will be no further discussion on the matter. Five minutes later my wife storms into our room and tells me that I was wrong for speaking to him that way and that I should go get the things on Thursday. I tell her I have plans for that day and that I already told him when we were going. My wife then said that I will be making that trip alone and walks off. I now have had enough so I got in the car Sunday and went out to Long Island and picked up all his stuff. Early this morning I took his things to Good Will and left them there. On Tuesday I will spend the day at the range. Did I communicate my feelings, and why could my wife either stay out of it, or at least acknowledge my feelings? I did what I was supposed to do by telling her that I didn't want to do this in the first place, yet I agreed due to her work schedule. Was it too much to expect my son who owns the stuff to help clear out his Grandmother's house when I said we were going to?
He did state that there are a few toys he had that would have value (Hess Trucks in the box, Original Teenage Mutant Ninja action figures and a Voltron in the box, And first edition Pokemon Cards). I will tell him that he should have shown some respect and been there to help me get his stuff. I will tell him what happened Tuesday afternoon after I get home from the range.
Time out...
Even if he didn't want to go on Tuesday, you brought down your iron fist and insisted. As far as he was concerned, he was going with you on Tuesday, whether he wanted to or not.
Meanwhile, your wife was upset with you because of the "way you talked to" your son. For some reason, THAT little episode set you off...seething...
...and YOU decided unilaterally to go to your in-law's to pick up your son's possessions. Did even tell your son that there's been a change of plans.
Plus, AFTER that, you retaliate against your son by depositing his possessions at Good Will...again, without even telling him.
I understand that you may not have originally wanted to drive to MIL's house "by yourself", but to insist that you "needed" help...even though it's clear that you didn't (because ultimately, you did this by yourself) is stretching it.
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