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I have a friend who we met four years ago through work. From the get go, I firmly believed he was gay, and I had an innocent crush on him. I say innocent because I was dating someone when I first met him. The chemistry we have between each other is unreal and there is a solid connection. He knew/knows I am gay and out, but he's always said how he's interested in women.
However, all my friends who have met him, both straight and gay, when they have met this friend they all told me they believe he is gay. There was a couple of friends that were surprised when I said he was straight, as they really thought he was gay. From them catching him looking at me, him always touching me, to the special attention he gives me, to one evening at a concert my friends observing just me and him dancing to live music, or just observing the chemistry between us. The funny thing is I never told them I believed he was gay, they came to this conclusion all on their own without any influence from me. And it's been several friends who have met him and have sensed this.
There was a period of a month, two years ago where it actually felt like we were dating. We were doing dinner together weekly and while nothing physically happened, it was becoming very emotionally intimate. It actually felt like something was emerging romantically, and things were really building up. He would tell me how much he enjoyed spending time with me and was really making an effort to get to know me more and spend time with me. Then the pandemic hit and ended that progress and momentum. I soon after moved away to another city. I also realize if he is indeed gay he is not out of the closet and this is a process that he needs to go through and I need to carry on with my life.
I didn't see him again for quite some time although we remained in contact. Within the past 6 months we reconnected he came to visit me in the new city I live in and chemistry, sparks they were all there again, but I will admit I was reserved, just because I have a new life in a new city. I am now spending a few months in my old city for the summer where he lives and we are starting to spend time together. He told me he just started to do therapy for the first time ever in his life, and he's finding himself, and is working on becoming more vulnerable and bringing down the walls he has. He also told me he has an interest in possibly living in the city where I now live. I get the sense he is starting to accept his sexual orientation and identity. He really opened up to me and I could see he is really trying to build and maintain the special connection we had. But I also sense fear and anxiety as he gets closer to me, but at the same time I can see how he enjoys being with me and him wanting to spend time with me.
At the end of the day he is truly a great guy, and there is such an emotional connection there. I also realized that the past couple of years, while I may flirt and the chemistry is there, I kind of gave him the sense I have moved on (in a way I did), but however, I feel like he's sending me signals, that he maybe needs a little support. I don't know, it's just a gut feeling I am getting. I struggle some times how to approach it, because I really really really like him, but at the same time I feel like he needs to find himself on his own accord and that is going to take time. I also have a new life in a new city. If someone were to ask me, to pick a guy, any guy that I feel like I would have the most successful relationship with through dating, it would be him (okay maybe there is one other guy that might be a hair better lol).
I am trying to manage expectations for myself. But part of me wants to take advantage of my time here and just enjoy him, and be supportive to him. And who know, perhaps it just solidifies our friendship or it opens the door to something more intimate. At the end of the day, I feel like I should spend time with him and be supportive, but also continue with my life. It could take years for him to fully accept himself and I can't sit around waiting for that.
Haven't you posted about this guy before? What did we say last time?
Hmmmm, I don't remember, lol. I post so much on here I forget what I post about. I think this as more just me treating this forum as therapy than seeking a lot of advice.
There is a blog function for that. You seem to enjoy posting about your love life, so wouldn't it be great to create a space for those who enjoy reading about it?
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