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I think I might be "bark'n up the wrong tree", so to speak. What I'm doing is obviously not what she wants, I MUST change to do what she likes. Not say'n that what I'm doin I should stop or that it's wrong, but it doesn't "fit" her........today anyway. (quote)
What do you think that you can do more, that your already not doing to please her? What do you think, that you could possibly do, to change to do what she likes? Make sense?
I just wonder...what exactly would "fit her?"
Try'n out the quote button.
If I knew what to do I wouldn't be here wine'n about it. Maybe I expect too much, maybe I'm too selfish, I don't know.
I don't f'n know, and I'm the type that if you ask someone to do something for them then it isn't "special" at all. Yep, I want her to read my mind......hell I want her to just try. I'm not going to ask for supper/backrub/a hug just out of the blue. It won't mean anything to me then.
People will bash me for that last paragraph, I know. Think of this, you go to sonic, ask for a #1 w/onion rings and DP......you pay.....they give you the food.........do you say F'N WOW!!! THANK YOU!!! THAT IS JUST WHAT i WANTED!!! AWSOME!!! No, you ORDERED IT!
Now think of this, you go to sonic, pay and get a #1 w/onion rings and a DP. Now it's wow, thank you for REMEMBERING me and what I like........I appreciate that more than you will ever know.
I think my wife is say'n..."f me, that is the last thing I'd want from you. Can't you see what I want by now!"
I'm hitt'n the wrong f'n buttons. Pardon my f'n french, but I need to open my eyes and bring something that she wants so I get a "tip".
I am married for 18 years have two children ages 12,13 who are great straight A kids.
My husband has been verbally abusive for years but does the crazy making syndrom; One minute super nice next your wonder what just happened. I work park time as a drug rep and my husband is a contractor. He travel for weeks at time but never thought he cheated. Said his first wife did and his father and his brother and he would never. Well I had my suspicion but he syas he worked 12 hour days while he is away go to the bar and then bed. Well his empoyee who has worked for him for twenty years called me yesterday and confirmed everything I really knew. I confroned him and he said it was over a year a go and we were fighting. SO hey while I am taking care of the kids at home on Halloween night he is over thousand miles away so he knows I cant check on him cheating. He admitted it but does not really seem remorseful. My kids are very upset . I am thinking of finally leaving but want to move to Ca. So I think I should get him to move there. Get situated then file for a divorce. I called a realtor and she is coming out this week to put the house for sale. I love La Canada, Ca and is seems agreeable to move. What do you think I should do? Am I wrong for using him and getting me to be where the kids and I really want to be. I have family there.
If I knew what to do I wouldn't be here wine'n about it. Maybe I expect too much, maybe I'm too selfish, I don't know.
I don't f'n know, and I'm the type that if you ask someone to do something for them then it isn't "special" at all. Yep, I want her to read my mind......hell I want her to just try. I'm not going to ask for supper/backrub/a hug just out of the blue. It won't mean anything to me then.
People will bash me for that last paragraph, I know. Think of this, you go to sonic, ask for a #1 w/onion rings and DP......you pay.....they give you the food.........do you say F'N WOW!!! THANK YOU!!! THAT IS JUST WHAT i WANTED!!! AWSOME!!! No, you ORDERED IT!
Now think of this, you go to sonic, pay and get a #1 w/onion rings and a DP. Now it's wow, thank you for REMEMBERING me and what I like........I appreciate that more than you will ever know.
I think my wife is say'n..."f me, that is the last thing I'd want from you. Can't you see what I want by now!"
I'm hitt'n the wrong f'n buttons. Pardon my f'n french, but I need to open my eyes and bring something that she wants so I get a "tip".
I'm just too slow in the head and heart.
From my perspective, you're problem is communication, and my suggestion is to see a counselor.
Forget about any of the misconceptions that you might have. It's very helpful as long as you are both willing to talk openly about the way that you are feeling, your wants and your expectations. Because unless your wife is totally clueless or uncaring, she is wanting something that she is not getting, and you are obviously wanting something that you are not getting.
And it's all fine and good for all of us who know neither you or your wife to give you ideas on what might work, the best bet is to go to the source and it's important to have a moderator there who can guide you through the process and make sure that you are both on the right track.
If I knew what to do I wouldn't be here wine'n about it. Maybe I expect too much, maybe I'm too selfish, I don't know.
It isn't selfish to want to get the things from which you read love.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man
I don't f'n know, and I'm the type that if you ask someone to do something for them then it isn't "special" at all. Yep, I want her to read my mind......hell I want her to just try. I'm not going to ask for supper/backrub/a hug just out of the blue. It won't mean anything to me then.
There's nothing wrong with asking. However, if you've already made it clear to your wife that there are certain things you like, one would think that after two or three exhortations of this, she'd get the hint. If she knows what you really want and she chooses not to do it for you anyway, one of three things is true: 1) she just doesn't care enough to do it, 2) she has a reason why she doesn't want to do it, 3) she isn't convinced that you really want it that much.
In that last case, convince her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man
People will bash me for that last paragraph, I know. Think of this, you go to sonic, ask for a #1 w/onion rings and DP......you pay.....they give you the food.........do you say F'N WOW!!! THANK YOU!!! THAT IS JUST WHAT i WANTED!!! AWSOME!!! No, you ORDERED IT!
Nope.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man
Now think of this, you go to sonic, pay and get a #1 w/onion rings and a DP. Now it's wow, thank you for REMEMBERING me and what I like........I appreciate that more than you will ever know.
Unless you make an effort to stand out, this won't happen. I had a Burger King where I was "the ketchup guy"... after about three visits, they knew that when I walked in, I wanted four burgers slopped to overflowing with ketchup. However, there are probably lots of men who order that #1. This is relevant to your story in the following way: you need to be sure that your wife knows specifically what you want, and the likely times when you will want it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man
I think my wife is say'n..."f me, that is the last thing I'd want from you. Can't you see what I want by now!"
Don't hypothesize with this. Ask her and prove whether or not she's thinking this stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man
I'm hitt'n the wrong f'n buttons. Pardon my f'n french, but I need to open my eyes and bring something that she wants so I get a "tip".
I'm just too slow in the head and heart.
Don't do it just so that you get something in return. Do it for her. The returns will happen as long as she knows what you want and when you want it. By the way, nagging won't help if you're a nagger.
Good advise 98, but I just totally disagree w/ the councelor. I'd rather go to a preacher.
Good advise though, thank you
Philly - think of the kids first.....just think of the kids first.
Absolutely, a preacher would work just as well, whichever makes you more comfortable.
The most important thing is someone who is objective & non-judgemental, and of course who's opinion/advise you will both listen to.
Married 15yrs, 2 kids middle school age, I work, she is SAHM.
I feel like I show my love for my wife by doing nice "out of the ordinary" type things. Groc shop and buy her a "treat" that I know she likes but won't buy it because it is nearly pure sugar(and she gets embarrased buying it herself). I cook as often as I can, breakfasts but mostly suppers.....and they are not normal things(ie, shrimp, chicken, cajun, and some "plain" stuff). I've bought her a free 1hr massage that she can do anytime she wants, flowers for no reason, gifts for Christmas/b-day/anniversary, etc.
I feel it is all one-sided, sex once so far this month, I haven't gotten a gift for b-day for I don't know how long, and forget about anniversay gifts. The kids and her will be w/her family today thru monday so she went groc shopp'n, nothing there for me to eat or cook(I gotta work). When I get home from work I usually make my own supper, and when I'm about done she'll say "I brought home supper for you". I'll say I'm sorry that I didn't see it and ask where it's at, typical answer is "Oh, I guess it's still in the car".(happens alot, and has probably been in there a good 3hrs).
I take care of the bills, all finances. She hasn't balanced a check book for 15yrs.
I don't want to paint a "pretty picture" of me, I have my problems. Biggest complaint is work, too much of it.
This can't be "love", she'll say it over and over, but I don't feel it at all. I feel like roommates.
I can't make her change, so why bring it up? Do I keep doing what I am doing, or quit so she can see when it's gone? Is this typical? I'ts been like this a while and I feel like I'm try'n and she is just waiting till I get it right before she'll do something for me. I'ts make'n me tired.
I have made a "romantic" gift for her for our anniversary, I don't know if I want to give it to her anymore.
Any suggestions? Thanks
You guys are in some serious need of role playing. Start to dress up like two different people and have fun. Like she could dress up like a hooker and you go and pick her up (just don't actually pay her!) Or she could dress up like a playboy bunny and serve you like she's a cocktail waitress. Or go have sex outside under the bare sky, something adventurous. You could also go to the costume shop and buy some fun costumes and dress up for each other. You guys need some serious spice.
Trust me stay at home moms are dying to dress up like someone else.
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