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Okay I'm not talking about babies made from one night stands or flings. I'm talking about babies conceived during relationships and/or marriages.
Moving away from the whole baby mama/baby daddy thing (again my fault for trying to be comical). A man and woman get married, have a child, then the man leaves. Divorce. A couple of years later he remarries a woman who has kids and is now raising them.
What happens to that first family? Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying i want my son's father back because I'm happy with my life as is, but just trying to understand how its not seen as neglect.
If a woman was to leave her baby with her mom and then go off and get married to a man with kids people would call her all kinds of things. Is this some type of double standard? I mean I see stuff like this on Lifetime but I didn't think it happened it real life. Now if it was just my situation I would say "oh yeah he's an ass and we're better off without him' but everyone seemed so accepting of it - it just boogles my mind honestly.
What you do is get a lawyer and sue the children's father for child support. If he doesn't pay, then you go to court again to garnish his wages. Go through the legal system and don't bother trying to be nice to the baby daddys and hope for the best.
I also would never agree to have a baby with a man if the two of us couldn't afford to provide for our children. Children are expensive to raise and love won't pay the bills. And to raise a child or children properly, one parent would need to compromise their career goals and stay home more.
And if the pregnancy was accidental and we were too poor to raise it properly, I would want to put the baby up for adoption. I am very pro-adoption. I know a few couples that have adopted children and they are all great parents. On the other hand, I can't say the same for all parents with their natural issue children. Not every person makes a great parent.
i was chillin at a party and my homie left real fast and his "girl" went in his back pack and stuck wholes in his condoms so she'd get pregnant (which she did)
actually everybody at the party saw but yea i know quite a few girls who have done that because they dont want to get there lazy asses up and get a job
What you do is get a lawyer and sue the children's father for child support. If he doesn't pay, then you go to court again to garnish his wages. Go through the legal system and don't bother trying to be nice to the baby daddys and hope for the best.
but if hes paying child support wont he legally be able to take the kid or try to anyway
My girlfriends and I recently got together for our typical "why i hate my baby daddy" meeting and I noticed that all we talked about was our new boyfriend's trifling baby mamas or our trifling baby daddies new girlfriends
Yes, I know that sounds crazy but let me try to explain. I'll use myself as an example: I have a son, his father is not active in his life BUT his father lives with his girlfriend who has 2 kids, whose fathers are not involved in their lives
And so while I'm dealing with trying to get my baby daddy to act right - my boyfriend is having baby mama drama because his baby mama - who lived off govt. assistance & child support - has let a dude who doesn't have a job but has 3 kids from 3 different girls move in her apartment and is now pregnant.
As we were talking I realized how many different people are now involved in my everyday life. If I put my child's father on child support, it will in turn affect how much money he has to spend on his girlfriends kids, which means she will probably have to put their father's on child support, and the cycle goes on.
Why is that men will move in with another woman and take care of her kids when he's not taking care of his? Why would a woman want a man who's not taking care of his kids? I used to hear stuff like this on Jerry Springer - when did it become the norm?
Disclaimer - this isn't about my life I just used me as an example
When did women getting knocked up out of wedlock become the "norm"? Sorry, people in that situation have no self respect and no pride. They might as well be alley cats or stray dogs who have no control over their biological functions.
My skin crawls.
20yrsinBranson
edited to add: obviously this does not apply to children conceived in a MARRIAGE (which is NOT a "relationship").
Last edited by 20yrsinBranson; 05-25-2008 at 12:31 AM..
Reason: clarification
Coming across as judgmental probably is due to the fact that there is not mention of marital status in the original post. And I wouldn't even think of getting pregnant with a man that I wasn't married to and didn't intend to spend the rest of my life with. Not unless I was independently wealthy all by myself. So in order not to be judgmental, I guess that in these situations, I would want to know if these "baby daddies" were also at some point married to these "baby mommas"? And are the "baby daddies" named on the birth certificates as the children's blood fathers?
Otherwise, if the baby's father isn't listed on the birth certificate, then the baby's mother can get on welfare for state assisted financial aid.... right? And if so, to me that's cheating the state to be collecting welfare if the baby's true daddy is known all along. And why would I want my tax dollars spent to support this fraud?
It seems to me that there wouldn't be these issues of lack of child support if these guys had a legal obligation to support their official children. That way, if they don't pay child support, then they can be taken to court for what they owe. And other women should know about these deadbeat dads and make sure that they don't make babies with them.
If these baby daddies have it left up to them as to whether or not they have to pay for child support, then obviously, they will only send money when they have a lot extra in the bank or on a whim.
MIU, You are Hip to the Routine. I'm on to them as well...
Last edited by htmlfamily; 05-25-2008 at 01:04 AM..
My son has a child he pays child support and sees the baby often, but the c##p he has to deal with from the Mother is silly. Lots of these girls just have these kids for as they think its an easy way out - a paycheck.
Time they were made to work I had 2 children was married and always worked full time.
Things are too easy for them and who pays for it ? us the taxpayers
but if hes paying child support wont he legally be able to take the kid or try to anyway
Are you a man or a woman? If the man is paying child support and he's the biological father, why shouldn't he be able to spend time with his child or children? Every child needs to have both parents in their life. And the only way a mother can "lose" their child to the birth father is if she is an unfit mother.
Otherwise, these poor children should NOT be used as pawns by their mothers in order to try to keep these birth fathers around. And when they don't make these men pay child support, it makes me think that they are still trying to be on friendly terms with the birth daddies in hopes of getting him back.
Right off the bat, put those birth daddies on the birth certificate and make them fully accountable for their actions. And as long as they are getting paid legitimately and not under the table, they will have to pay child support for their children. And these days, the authorities are really serious about making these deadbeat dads pay. Deadbeat dads are even linked to the US passport system and they can't travel outside the US if they owe on their child support.
Again though, if a guy is too poor to pay child support, DON'T make babies with him!!!! These children are not some sort of magic relationship glue or to be turned into some source of extra income (for the welfare or child support payments).
Are you a man or a woman? If the man is paying child support and he's the biological father, why shouldn't he be able to spend time with his child or children? Every child needs to have both parents in their life. And the only way a mother can "lose" their child to the birth father is if she is an unfit mother.
Otherwise, these poor children should NOT be used as pawns by their mothers in order to try to keep these birth fathers around. And when they don't make these men pay child support, it makes me think that they are still trying to be on friendly terms with the birth daddies in hopes of getting him back.
Right off the bat, put those birth daddies on the birth certificate and make them fully accountable for their actions. And as long as they are getting paid legitimately and not under the table, they will have to pay child support for their children. And these days, the authorities are really serious about making these deadbeat dads pay. Deadbeat dads are even linked to the US passport system and they can't travel outside the US if they owe on their child support.
Again though, if a guy is too poor to pay child support, DON'T make babies with him!!!! These children are not some sort of magic relationship glue or to be turned into some source of extra income (for the welfare or child support payments).
Mui once again you have proved that you don't read anything other than your own posts. We're not talking about the men who don't provide for their children financially - we're talking about the ones who are absent physically from their childrens lives and then raise someone else's. Please tell me what that has to do with government assistance!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito
It doesn’t make sense to me Natalya that men or women sometimes can walk out on their own children. Even more so to go on and get married and raise other children. As a woman, I can not see myself EVER dating a man who was not an active parent in his child’s life. And by active I mean, seeing their child every week on their visitation days, going to all their school events, going to all their games, keeping track of doctor appt., etc. I would be disgusted. I would not sleep with or ever want to be married to someone who abandoned their children. Even if a guy can’t stand the mother of his child, he should still be a part of that child’s life.
WHY DO WOMEN SLEEP WITH MEN THAT HAVE CHILDREN WITH SEVERAL WOMEN??????? What is so appealing that you have to have that man? Same goes for men being with a woman who have 4 or 5 kids with 4 or 5 different fathers?[/b]
Whew.....glad I'm done typing all that
That's EXACTLY what I was trying to get at with my post. i don't know my father's son new girlfriend AT ALL but I'm wondering since she is a single mother how she feels knows he doesn't ever see his child? I mean, if my boyfriend had a baby and I knew he wasn't physically a part of his life that would be a big red flag for me to leave him alone. Before I had my own son, I wouldn't ever date anyone who had kids because it was common knowledge - in my comunity among my age group at that time- that men don't consider sleeping with the mother of their child cheating. But after I had my son, I met a lot of other single parents and realized that was stupid. But that being said, I don't think I would ever date a man who has multiple children from different women. That pretty much means you have a history of "hit and runs".
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito
It IS neglect!!! Who is telling you that it is not?
Who exactly is so accepting of this? It boogles my mind too!! sorry, I just had too!
Well the general response i got was that "at least he takes care of him financially" which I think is such a cop out. I mean if I only took care of him financially and took no interest in him someone would call DCF on me.
Last edited by nat_at772; 05-25-2008 at 08:33 AM..
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and I noticed that all we talked about was our new boyfriend's trifling baby mamas or our trifling baby daddies new girlfriends 
It boogles my mind too!! 