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I don't understand why some of you girls are doing so much for these men who haven't done a thing for you. Not to mention men ya'll don't even know. Where is the desperation coming from? I really want to know because ya'll really be out here doing ANYTHING for nothing more than your imaginations/fantasies, and it's concerning.
I don't understand why some of you girls are doing so much for these men who haven't done a thing for you. Not to mention men ya'll don't even know. Where is the desperation coming from? I really want to know because ya'll really be out here doing ANYTHING for nothing more than your imaginations/fantasies, and it's concerning.
You make a good point. I don't know the OP well enough to comment on her situation, but more generally, I think a lot of it is loneliness. Loneliness can drive people to drastic measures.
That's why I think its good to come up with ways to vet and avoid players or people who take advantage of the lonely and vulnerable. Its unfortunate but a lot of people out there lack conscience and just use and discard different people over and over again.
Some people for whatever reason never seem to learn and it keeps happening to them again and again.
Being content on one's own is a great first step in not becoming a target. Having standards and walking away as soon as one spots a red flag or disrespectful behavior. Not getting too emotionally invested too soon in someone before they have earned it. Being selective in whom one allows access to their body.
A guy asking you to fly out, well that's as low effort as you can get. He might have 100 women in his cell phone that he texts that to. Its a booty call, nothing more.
If he paid for her ticket, that's more investment, but still making her do most of the heavy lifting. A guy who is willing to invest will come to you and that is what women should require, if she is serious about not being used. Or if she is interested in more than a short casual fling with the guy.
But a lonely person will find it harder to pass up opportunities even if those opportunities are very low effort on the guy's part.
Again I am not saying this is OPs problem because I am not familiar enough with her to know. But I think you do bring up a good point, that anyone who gets ghosted on a lot, or discarded by guys right after sleeping together, should think about.
Welcome to the world of creeps, OP. Stick around the hood. There are plenty of good men, and plenty of pathetic men, within a 10 mile radius of where you live or work.
I agree. Why travel all that way at all that expense when you can meet a jerk right in your own neighborhood?
I really don’t know what I’m doing that conveys desperation. Can someone here go out with me and tell me lol!? I’m thinking maybe they think I’m boring ? I don’t know. It’s so strange because first date always goes amazing. Like them saying they had so much fun etc. then it goes downhill on the following dates. I don’t even say anything creepy and have regular convos so not sure what I’m doing wrong.
I agree w/ another poster when they answered you. You must be attracted to the wrong guys. Remember, have the attitude w/ them like you can take it or leave it...meaning act like you don't care if you start dating him or not. Don't act desperate & sure don't fly all over the US or world for anyone.
Let the guy put forth MORE of the effort & work to date you. And the moment you see he's not really interested or cheats on you once you start dating, don't do any of this crying, begging, asking why this & why that. The moment that ____doesn't show any intrest & doesn't want you anymore, you don't want him either! Kick that ___ so far to the curb, he won't know what hit him & I'm sure men aren't used to that! They're so used to women trying to make things work, trying to hold on by a thread when things are obviously bad, let's talk it out, yada, yada, yada.
Statistics have always been for EONS that there are more women on this earth than men, so men know that & have gotten cocky about it. Wish it was the other way around. Don't be one of those gullible, desperate, airhead ladies who'll put up w/ anything just to say you've got a man. I know I'd be a hell of a LOT happier ALONE than dating a lot of the men I see while out & about! Keep your standards high & don't waiver from that!
Unfortunately dating is different than how it was before dating apps. Dating apps have created a culture where it is totally normal and acceptable to ghost under any circumstance. I've heard of people in long term relationships getting ghosted.
I agree. Why travel all that way at all that expense when you can meet a jerk right in your own neighborhood?
Okay, and nice people, too.
Haha yup many of them! I kinda figured it would be a vacation so why not. But I guess I got so in my head all the plans we made and then it didn’t happen. Now I’m in a funk.
You make a good point. I don't know the OP well enough to comment on her situation, but more generally, I think a lot of it is loneliness. Loneliness can drive people to drastic measures.
...
Men get lonely too...? (Also possibly one the reasons why men are statistically much more likely to commit suicide, than women?)
There are both real women and men -- people -- who are looking for love. Not all men are bad people, there are are good and loving men out there too. I'm really sorry for the OP that she ended up meeting one of the bad apples, he was definitely a total loser and a dog by the way he treated her, especially after she came out to see him in good faith...
Men get lonely too...? (Also possibly one the reasons why men are statistically much more likely to commit suicide, than women?)
There are both real women and men -- people -- who are looking for love. Not all men are bad people, there are are good and loving men out there too. I'm really sorry for the OP that she ended up meeting one of the bad apples, he was definitely a total loser and a dog by the way he treated her, especially after she came out to see him in good faith...
Thank you the reply to my post.
The point isn't to dog men here. There are all kinds of people out there, both good or bad. This isn't a gender war.
But this situation we are discussing here involves a woman who got treated poorly by a man. So, in the attempt to give advice that is applicable and on topic to the thread, I am suggesting to not trust so soon. Take things more slowly. Let the guy prove himself first. Dont be so eager.
Be a bit dubious, rather than automatically assuming people are looking for the same as she is (assuming she is looking for a more committed, steady relationship).
Encouraging her to trust blindly and assume all men she speaks to are honest and reliable and looking for love, I don't think that's the advice that will prevent this hurtful scenario from happening again.
By vetting out and avoiding the bad apples hopefully she should have a better chance of meeting an honest and genuine man.
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(Also possibly one the reasons why men are statistically much more likely to commit suicide, than women?)
