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I married in my mid-30s. Then I realized I had settled and I tossed him back. Oopsie!
See, that's something some of you guys who talk about "lonely women" seem to miss. Divorce is a thing. So good for the women who avoid that by being true to their convictions and standards. I don't regret my short-lived marriage, because I learned a lot, namely "don't settle," but if I were in my mid-30s now, no way would I marry.
And how come so many men complain about women having standards, anyway? Hey, bubs, don't blame us because you don't live up to them. Lots of articles about how if you want a woman, be the kind of man women want, not the kind of man YOU think we SHOULD want. Anyway, if we didn't have standards then you'd be calling us hootchies. It's one more reason women are walking away. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't--have you read the news last week? we can't even dance at a private party with friends or let our hair go gray without the patriarchy getting in a dither--so we might as well do what makes us happy. It's nothing y'all haven't been doing since the dawn of recorded time.
Living alone, not having a partner, does not necessarily mean a person is going to be lonely. That's like assuming millennial women will have no friends, siblings, extended family relationships. Most normal people get out and do stuff, not sit around moaning about a lack of companionship.
Living alone, not having a partner, does not necessarily mean a person is going to be lonely. That's like assuming millennial women will have no friends, siblings, extended family relationships. Most normal people get out and do stuff, not sit around moaning about a lack of companionship.
That's true of both sexes, a mediocre relationship with bad treatment is worse than no relationship. If you don't want that, then you have to put out effort and find something better. Both sexes are to blame if they complain about mediocre options but don't try for anything better. A family with 1 parent is absolutely not ideal and a recipe for hardship and kids that don't develop ideally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot
Who needs marriage, right? But if you go on to read the statistics about single mothers in your article, such as the "exceptionally high poverty rate" (the household of a single mother is five times more likely to be poor than the household of a married couple), you might not present this as an option that is just as just as good as having children within a marriage. And the article doesn't even touch on facts such as children of a single parent have higher rates of mental illness, substance abuse, and suicide.
Of course no woman who decides to be a single parent believes that she or her child(ren) will become one of these statistics.
IVF is expensive. The women who are doing it have money and tend to have families and friends committed to helping them. The same smarts that lead them to the top of their careers also lead them to avoid bringing a kid into the world that they can't actually afford. Better one parent with a good support system than two parents where the father is an abusive waste of carbon matter and the only reason they are still together is because the mother can't afford to leave or is afraid he'll come after her and kill her if she does. Nope, nope, NOPE. And I feel bad for the young women in poor, rural areas who are getting the shaft since the Dodds Decision Day of Infamy and compound a tough situation by hitching their lives to their baby daddies after one night of passion and a broken condom.
Yes. It may be several years before she finds Prince Charming. She is about 22 now, she may very well be 30 before this happens.
It takes time and patience to find the right person. Her mother (a Gen Xer if that matters) was a 29 year old virgin on her wedding day, so she was raised in the spirit of being steadfast and patient with these things.
I just think its good she is deciding what she wants.
We need some people still willing to carry on the species. Though not everyone has to. And it doesn't make a person lonely, dysfunctional, or scornful if they have chosen to not do that and stay single instead.
My daughter is in her 20s, college educated with a good job, and no desire to carry on the species. I said that’s fine, just wondering why, because the women most thoughtful of the state of the world and their ability to put their all into being a good parent are ironically the ones who decide not to, but should.
She said I answer my own questions, because ”should”. (Damnit mini-me!)
I’m fortunate to have done what I thought I should, and grew up in the era I did, or I wouldn’t have experienced all I could.
The thing that women have easier in this world than men is their ability to form friend groups, and in general an easier time of it in finding people who they can share their feelings to. Both men and other women will more quickly and easily respond to a women or even solicit her feelings. They rarely if ever do that for men. We're supposed to be these stoic creatures that suck it up and drive on.
I find that even among my friends... they don't seem to want to hear me share my feelings. They'll solicit my opinion about things... but not open up for me to share feelings. That's different. As an example - I just went through a divorce, and barely any of my friends even CARED? My best friend was just kind of like.... "oh man, I'm sorry" and that's it. I was surprised how few even asked me what happened. Whereas, with women people will say stuff like "OMG are you okay? Do you want to talk?" And let them talk for hours. Very few asked me that. Very very few. When I tried to open up people seemed like they wanted to run away, didn't want to hear anymore.
Other than a therapist, it's only among significant others that I've ever had people let me share. So if I don't have a significant other, I am quite utterly alone with no one that cares about me, what I'm going through, or whether I live or die.
Women don't have that problem as much. So it's easier for them to get emotional support without a significant other. So yeah, I can see why they wouldn't feel the need to search one out as much.
I'm not trying to say that I think women have things easier... they have a different set of problems.. but in my observations they don't have *this* particular problem as much.
Last edited by redguard57; 08-22-2022 at 11:41 PM..
Why must people, irrespective of gender or generation, who don’t marry or couple on a timetable or at all, be considered ‘lonely’? There are other ways of reaching out to and connecting with people, and those can be far more fulfilling than chasing a socially acceptable happily ever after.
My daughter is in her 20s, college educated with a good job, and no desire to carry on the species. I said that’s fine, just wondering why, because the women most thoughtful of the state of the world and their ability to put their all into being a good parent are ironically the ones who decide not to, but should.
She said I answer my own questions, because ”should”. (Damnit mini-me!)
I’m fortunate to have done what I thought I should, and grew up in the era I did, or I wouldn’t have experienced all I could.
We'll see how long that lasts...
I remember when I was 21, one of my friends telling me she didn't want to live past 50.
Don't get your hopes up. The whole point of women foregoing relationships is that they'd RATHER be alone than be in a "less than ideal" relationship. And why not? Why put up with a mediocre or unfulfilling relationship or poor treatment when they don't have to? They can have a family without any real involvement with a man beyond going to a sperm bank. I know a few women who went that route. However, if they wanted to go the traditional route with sex, all they need is a one-night stand or two at a fertile time. Just get on a plane, have some fun on a vacation, and that's it. The incels will have to shelve their little fantasies of some sort of comeuppance for the women who rejected them rather than suffer their company.
Very well put. You aren't speaking from experience, are you? Either way, you gave some food for thought.
On the other hand, for women who are pregnant, but don't want to be, please have the baby and give it up for adoption so that childless people can have a baby to love and raise. In many cases, the prospective parents will pay for your medical care while you're pregnant and for the birth.
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