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I appreciate the responses but my question wasn’t what to choose to do with him based upon his technical marital status, but rather how to approach the extreme crash and odd behavior he exhibits every time we have sex esp when he says he will refuse meds. He seems to have psychotic breaks almost. Once after I told him about a man I was dating (told him that If he doesn’t commit and stays married to someone else then that’s my right), he told me about a woman with whom he spoke daily who lived far away but they were making all sorts of romantic plans. Guess what I ultimately found out? The woman is fake. Well, she exists but is a celeb in yet another country. He made fake accounts of her
I've had well over a thousand sex partners but if that's all it was, I'd never further intrude. Once my pants were up, a cheerful "see you later" was adequate.
Maybe you should go back to your hubbie? They're often trainable.
I appreciate the responses but my question wasn’t what to choose to do with him based upon his technical marital status, but rather how to approach the extreme crash and odd behavior he exhibits every time we have sex esp when he says he will refuse meds. He seems to have psychotic breaks almost. Once after I told him about a man I was dating (told him that If he doesn’t commit and stays married to someone else then that’s my right), he told me about a woman with whom he spoke daily who lived far away but they were making all sorts of romantic plans. Guess what I ultimately found out? The woman is fake. Well, she exists but is a celeb in yet another country. He made fake accounts of her
You can do nothing. This is the way he is. Accept it or move on.
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You can do nothing. This is the way he is. Accept it or move on.
Exactly.
Like even if this man has a mental illness, it doesn't actually matter.
What is really going on, OP, from your end, is something I've been through where you are trying to accommodate some guy who is being all weird and flaky and hot/cold with you, because you're having a great time in bed (and let's face it for women, good sex isn't always easy to find!) So you're trying to solve a mystery, looking for clues, being all Sherlock about it as though you can care enough to cure him of whatever his problem is.
You can't. If he feels he has a problem in need of curing, I promise you he is a grown arse man who can figure out how to go get help. He hasn't, because he doesn't want to.
And some dudes act like this when they are deliberately trying to keep a woman from getting attached. Been there, done that. At the end of the day, you've got to quit twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to figure out how to "help" him (...help him be more willing to invest and continue with you than he actually is, more like...) and realize he's just gonna be how he's gonna be.
The only choice in front of you, is whether to keep dealing with it because the sex is great fun, or to stop dealing with it because the behavior is too high a price to pay for good sex. That's the only decision on your plate, OP. Sorry.
Of course, I know you probably won't listen to this. I wouldn't have either when I was having fun with my weirdo fling guy (who at least wasn't married but whatever.) But hopefully, perhaps, it'll help you understand once this thing has run its course, that the way it ends up is the way it was ALWAYS going to. Take your memories, don't obsess about him, and get on with your life.
So the guy left his wife and feels guilty after sex with you. It doesn’t actually seem that complicated, really.
Agreed.
I would never preach my morality on others, but there is a reason why you don't get involved with people who are still married (and with kids at that).
Sex is great.
THAT is the only reason to be in the relationship. LUST.
Everything else is meaningless. He probably only cares about the sex, maybe a bit of company and that's it.
If I had amazing sex with somebody, after the orgasm the LUST drops from 1000% to 1%. If that person I'm with has zero importance to me for anything other than sex, then trust me then there is no reason to stick around.
Throw in inner conflict with infidelity, then you can be sure that your guilt will trip in after the lust is gone.
Get out of the "relationship" before he trips for real and hurts you for some weird psychotic reason.
I would never preach my morality on others, but there is a reason why you don't get involved with people who are still married (and with kids at that).
Sex is great.
THAT is the only reason to be in the relationship. LUST.
Everything else is meaningless. He probably only cares about the sex, maybe a bit of company and that's it.
If I had amazing sex with somebody, after the orgasm the LUST drops from 1000% to 1%. If that person I'm with has zero importance to me for anything other than sex, then trust me then there is no reason to stick around.
Throw in inner conflict with infidelity, then you can be sure that your guilt will trip in after the lust is gone.
Get out of the "relationship" before he trips for real and hurts you for some weird psychotic reason.
This makes me think of something...
I've read/heard many times where the theory is that after sex, women have all the lovey hormones and want to bond, and men feel less connected and want to flee. Now I've been called "avoidant" and perhaps it's connected to that, but I tend to look at this a slightly different way.
I think that if a woman has a very enjoyable sex experience, she often craves more. More after a rest, more the next day, more soon. If a man has an enjoyable sex experience, he feels more...sated. A man's appetites are satisfied, a woman's appetites are awoken. It would be very easy to cognitively process that craving for "more of THAT" as some kind of love, but even an experienced woman who knows she doesn't really love a man or want to form a relationship with him can still simply want the "more"...more sex.
This kinda ties into the spontaneous/reactive thing, as well as some of the theories in "Tao of Sex" and some observations I've made of non monogamous people, as well (situations where a woman went and had a sexual adventure and returned home primed for more, more, more because her desire for sex was highly activated...non-mono couples often report this kind of thing.)
This, in my opinion, is what leads a lot of women to think that we're "in love" with a guy when there's a good chance we...aren't. Not really. Like maybe we don't even know him well enough, or maybe he'd actually be a disaster in our lives if we're thinking rationally and clearly. It's our version of "thinking with the little head."
Everything else is meaningless. He probably only cares about the sex, maybe a bit of company and that's it.
If I had amazing sex with somebody, after the orgasm the LUST drops from 1000% to 1%. If that person I'm with has zero importance to me for anything other than sex, then trust me then there is no reason to stick around.
Throw in inner conflict with infidelity, then you can be sure that your guilt will trip in after the lust is gone.
Get out of the "relationship" before he trips for real and hurts you for some weird psychotic reason.
The confusion here is that one of the most recent times after sex, I got “I feel depressed and don’t want to do that again anytime soon but can the two of us have dinner w your daughter once you pick her up tomorrow?” I never prompt him to try to see her.
At any rate I just told him I’m sick of the roller coaster and his response was that he pulls back from seeing me because I date/socialize w other men and if I stop speaking to all other men then he might see me. Huh???
The confusion here is that one of the most recent times after sex, I got “I feel depressed and don’t want to do that again anytime soon but can the two of us have dinner w your daughter once you pick her up tomorrow?” I never prompt him to try to see her.
At any rate I just told him I’m sick of the roller coaster and his response was that he pulls back from seeing me because I date/socialize w other men and if I stop speaking to all other men then he might see me. Huh???
Ah. I had overlooked the part about your daughter. Your daughter, not his daughter, correct?
Is she a child, or an adult?
OK I'm gonna be totally honest with you here. I stand by everything I've said about YOU and HIM. And while I would not mess around with a married man like this, and I think it is at least questionable/unwise, I've withheld judgement about that to some degree.
But why on earth would you have this flaky, mind game playing, questionable mental health having, sexual fling guy...around your daughter?
I mean best case scenario, he isn't gonna be a permanent part of your life (you know this, right?) and you're messing with the stability of your kid's life by having people appear and disappear...it might be worse than that, but even if it's not... Why do this?
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