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After following this for awhile, I’ve developed an opinion. Why don’t you step away from your computer, take a walk, and start work on the next phase of your life? Don’t ruminate over HER problems any longer. Screw it. You’re wasting your time.
People are allowed to grieve a lost relationship, but why do it at home? Get in your vehicle and take a long drive. Find a friend who needs a hand with a project. Get outside yourself. Come up with something you’ve been wanting to do. Go to Montana and fish.
Yeah that's been the plan , have been , l just wanna get on with things , life , and the cards will fall where they may.
Have been 6mths now really bc it hasn't been looking good for her , none of this was a surprise.
lt really is the strangest thing .
Yaknow , she doesn't pull any punches believe me , as sensitive as she is on one hand she's also a very very straight shooter. And she doesn't just throw around words like love and all the emotional sides the come with it. lf she didn't feel it you wouldn't be hearing it or seeing it believe me.
Thing is , l just don't see how it could be anything else and she's told me it's not but to me ldk , it still makes no sense .
We started talking again a few wks back , she started messaging and then she called one wkend. We have beautiful ph calls, no one else on thos planet l'd rather talk to apart from my d.
And often after calls we're usually quite emotional for a few days and she was , l was .
But yet , two days later , hits me with the same thing.again. She just has nothing left to be a relationship atm. She can't clean do anything or even bother with a movie- her fav' just bed. Depression is an ugly thing especially on top of what she's been through and now meno'g as well.
But even so , lf that was me then l'd much rather be getting through it with her than alone. She's 12 hrs away atm and hates her unit and life and often talks of how she misses being here and in our house with our life, but yet she chooses that right now.
To top it of her sons marriage is struggling and his wife won't come back here with their baby she wants to stay in Japan , so his selling up everything and moving over there for at least a yr maybe 2 or 3. They're all she has in that city knows no one else but soon she won't even have them either now.
Why would she choose that, you know she'll be so lonely too now. l mean l know depression , my d is bp , but still.
Anywayyyy so , back to getting on with life , again. l'm not here moaning about getting us back it's seeming like a write off to me now, just getting the crap out of my head and mind you , it would be nice too if l could at least make some sense of it..
l really need to emotionally treat things as just done done done now , l just can't deal with the on offs and calls or us planning one min 2 days later getting this again.
But it still doesn't make sense to me.
Hi people.
ldk if there's anything l can do about this or something l should do, some my have some thoughts though and l'd appreciate hearing them.
We've been together 5yrs both divorced around the same time before we met. We had an immediate everything really, and more , but l was also still in not that greater place and so at the same time we were also a bit rocky over our first 18mths or so. But everything was there for us though, in us and she got us and me through.
So weird how tables can turn though and about 3yrs ago massive dramas ongoing were just beginning for her next. Can't go into detail much but huge on going court cases with ex , massive stress that went on 2yrs, work, housing and health hassles, then Covid effected everything - things were postponed time and time again , lawyers had to quit or she couldn't even see one, she got laid off 4 times, moved 4times, health and MH problems, and on and on. She was already in a bad way prior from ex, but she got us through but then all this since.
And l've supported her in every way l can and gotten her through 100 times since but a lot of this stuff is still going now, over 3yrs later. The court cases are done finally but she's if anything had even more stress since with everything else.
Well, now she's says she just doesn't think she can cope with a relationship anymore, she's just too sick,burned out and her nerves are also totally shot. Says anything she's got left, nothing, she needs just to get through the rest. She doesn't think she'll get better bc she's just too tired or it all and life- Poor thing has also had just a very hard life too but then all this other stuff.
l don't wanna lose her or us, but ldk what else l can do, or say, or offer to help her or us and it's also drained the hell out of me too supporting her not that l minded but the thing is, now this. Maybe l just have to let it be, not that l can do much l suppose but we have of course talked a lot buttttt, she's still feeling how she is. ldk whether to just be there for her for awhile longer, walk away or wth.
In reading this in the short time it took, i have been dramatized. I"m quite sure you have too. She may be trying to tell you (making excuses) that she wants out of the relationship. I would walk, you'll be fine. And peaceful I'm sure.
Thanks for that , but really , just from that bit. Unfortunately there's been much more over the last 12mths. Makes me wonder about my own sanity now then being silly enough to go through it, probably should've got out 12mths ago.
But yeah she does, out of any relationship she says.
Well we ended up continuing on and picking things up again a mth or two after this thread.
That's prettywell happened any other time things have gotten too much for her too butttt.
Here we gone again.
Only 4 days ago she was telling me how much she loved me, a wk before that l'd just been up to and stayed at hers for a few wks, that's been a 10hr drive away 18mths now. She's come down or l've gone up.
Well when it was near time to be leaving hers again she came up with a plan l stay at hers another 3wks and she she's comes down with my to mine in April. Well l couldn't stay longer atm it was a nice idea though , and she was upset for days after l left.
Yet 3 days ago now she tells me she needs to pause again - as she calls it. Still being long distance she says all the messaging and stuff is just too much atm.
Well it is a lot but we normally just automatically fade of into a bit of a breather for few days when it gets too much or we're too busy buttt, this time she says she needs another pause.
Not she can't be in a relationship this time, she just needs some time out bc of her stress a nd health again.God almighty.
l mean for anyone who cam grasp the situation, the actions above and her usual ways, are in no doubt of a person the does truly love me and they always are and have been or l wouldn't be in it. But then she can just turn around even just days later and want a pause , or she's too sick to be in a relationship.
Well we ended up continuing on and picking things up again a mth or two after this thread.
That's prettywell happened any other time things have gotten too much for her too butttt.
Here we gone again.
Only 4 days ago she was telling me how much she loved me, a wk before that l'd just been up to and stayed at hers for a few wks, that's been a 10hr drive away 18mths now. She's come down or l've gone up.
Well when it was near time to be leaving hers again she came up with a plan l stay at hers another 3wks and she she's comes down with my to mine in April. Well l couldn't stay longer atm it was a nice idea though , and she was upset for days after l left.
Yet 3 days ago now she tells me she needs to pause again - as she calls it. Still being long distance she says all the messaging and stuff is just too much atm.
Well it is a lot but we normally just automatically fade of into a bit of a breather for few days when it gets too much or we're too busy buttt, this time she says she needs another pause.
Not she can't be in a relationship this time, she just needs some time out bc of her stress a nd health again.God almighty.
l mean for anyone who cam grasp the situation, the actions above and her usual ways, are in no doubt of a person the does truly love me and they always are and have been or l wouldn't be in it. But then she can just turn around even just days later and want a pause , or she's too sick to be in a relationship.
Is any of this what you really want? If this was ever about her
Spoiler
it wasn't
it ceased being about her and has been about you for a long time.
ldk.
And no l'm not desperate or just board or just grasping onto some just anything all these yrs, wouldn't waste my time on just that at this age.
We've been fully on sice day one and have always planned it staying that way this was always the last stop for both of us and we've planned the future from a few mths in and ever since.
We just needed to get her through her situation first.
Not only but we've always had a lot in common , we live exactly the same ways and feel the same ways about all the big things in life and between two people.
So just saying , obviously it's never just been some fill in or nothing thing it's been a huge thing and dreams for us both from day one really. Doubt l'd even meet a match like us again now tbh and she says no way she ever will nor would ever have any interest in even bothering again if we didn't work out.
lt's all why l've persisted and as l've said, she has been through a lot , A LOT. l have been myself too actually , serious stuff, problems for my daughter and problems with my property. Even those though pale beside what she's been through but we've always been there supporting ea other right through
Buttt, this other stuff of hers on the other hand, she can just turn around and want her pause, or she's too sick to go on.
Is any of this what you really want? If this was ever about her
Spoiler
it wasn't
it ceased being about her and has been about you for a long time.
Sorry not getting what your meaning exactly ?
Of course it's been about her we've been going through her stuff 3yrs together. But of course for me it is also all about me and my future as well just as it is for her and hers.
Well , we talked today , she called and apologized. To her it was exactly as she'd originally said but she's cleared her head a bit and is feeling a lot better now.
ldk , until next time.
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