Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The funny thing is I think this is a really good topic.
Work style, the nature and difficulty of the job you have, and your attitude towards it are huge factors in a relationship.
When you're younger in your 20s, it means less, because not many people are going to work THAT hard and the average young person has an easier job, or they don't take their jobs that seriously, and young people can always find jobs, so everybody generally makes it out to Happy Hour.
But when you get to middle age and more senior jobs, the jobs get less, and the demands are more. And the discrepancy of the effort/stress between any two given people to meet the demands of their job, even if they make a similar amount, could be a chasm...
Sounds like my ex. He wasn't great with stress. I could not put up with all that negativity and resented it when he decided to go into happy mode like nothing was wrong.
When I get home from work, I’m tired and hungry but I’m always nice to my husband. It’s one of my personal guidelines. We may only chat for a few minutes before I take a nap, but we’re genuinely happy to see one another and clearly express it.
If your partner is not happy to see you, tell her that you feel that warm civility is essential to the success of your relationship. Grumpy or silent will not cut it. If she can’t meet that threshold, then she’s the wrong woman for you.
When I am working I do not like interruptions or it makes me angry. I close my door and unless the house is on fire or medical emergency I do not get interrupted. This is what our agreement is and spouse has the same rights, his door closed = "do not interrupt." Texts are allowed lol.
It is unacceptable to act rudely to the other person sharing common space. That is not what a loving relationship should be and I would not stay in a relationship like that. Some people see this bad behavior model in their childhood and may not realize they are perpetuating it. If they continue doing it after being told how unloving it is they deserve to lose their partner.
To me, this sounds like someone very stressed out in her job, who simply doesn't have anything more to give or any more patience for people at the end of the day. She's perhaps to the point that she can barely function, and dealing with one more person or decision/responsibility-- even if that person is someone she's close to and cares about, and even if the responsibility/decision is something simple like where to go to dinner-- is just too much. She sounds overwhelmed to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
The funny thing is I think this is a really good topic.
Work style, the nature and difficulty of the job you have, and your attitude towards it are huge factors in a relationship.
When you're younger in your 20s, it means less, because not many people are going to work THAT hard and the average young person has an easier job, or they don't take their jobs that seriously, and young people can always find jobs, so everybody generally makes it out to Happy Hour.
But when you get to middle age and more senior jobs, the jobs get less, and the demands are more. And the discrepancy of the effort/stress between any two given people to meet the demands of their job, even if they make a similar amount, could be a chasm...
Not to mention, by middle age, a person has seniority in their job that they might have to give up to go elsewhere (which could go along with lower salary, lower privileges, less flexibility, any number of things). They may also be at the point where changing careers entirely could seem out of the question (having to go back to school in middle age, or having to take entry-level jobs in their new field when they don't really want to {or can't afford to} go back to entry-level pay, when employers might not even be looking to hire entry-level people of middle age, etc.)-- it's a time when a person can feel trapped because they feel too young to be stuck in a job/field they hate, but also too old to do anything else without losing/backtracking a lot.
The weekends are a totally different story. She wants to go places and do things. She laughs and we have fun. Sunday night is when the hell repeats itself. I tend to be more of an introvert home body and she's the person who usually wants to go places.
I should also say that this behavior hasn't been going on for that long. A month maybe? Ever since she started taking on more job tasks, that's when it started.
Today we both worked from home and she barely said anything to me. I was making lunch in the kitchen at the same time as her and it was that awkward silence where you can feel the hostility. I tried talking to her but got simple one word answers. Right after work she went into the bedroom and took a nap and has been there ever since.
Oh yes yes yes, this is so true. When I come home and say "Hey! How are you? How was your day" and get a grumpy response, I feel like closing the door and going right back to work or going to a bar.
So you've turned into a weekend boyfriend because she's too busy with extra work she volunteered to do during the week to deal with a relationship ?
To me, this sounds like someone very stressed out in her job, who simply doesn't have anything more to give or any more patience for people at the end of the day. She's perhaps to the point that she can barely function, and dealing with one more person or decision/responsibility-- even if that person is someone she's close to and cares about, and even if the responsibility/decision is something simple like where to go to dinner-- is just too much. She sounds overwhelmed to me.
And I should add that the extra work may not really have been a "volunteer" type of thing. At many workplaces, if it's expected of you to do extra, you do extra. Or, if they're short-staffed and everyone is doing extra, not doing so yourself will either be frowned upon, or you'll feel like a DB for not helping out. (Or, as in some workplaces these days, if other people are overworking to the point of ridiculousness, you'll still feel guilty for not doing so yourself even though you know it's ridiculous.) So I'm also not certain we should be blaming her unless we know the situation at her workplace.
Re-reading one of OP's posts again, she also sounds depressed to me. Irritable? Sleeping a lot? Sounds familiar.
Wow, that was only 2 months ago! OP, look at how you described your partner this summer, before she took on the extra work. You already had doubts about you and her being a good match back then. I was going to suggest you be patient and tough it out until she gets her promotion, and see if things improve at that point, until I read your OP from 2 months ago.
It seems like the writing's on the wall at this point.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
