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BTW those are HORRIBLE reasons to get married. Particularly baby rabies - ugh, the worst!
I mean, if you can't find someone who pushes all or nearly all your buttons, stay single! It's not that bad anymore.
Probably mentioned upthread, but as we age the dating dynamic shifts in the favor of men for various reasons. I would say a single man in his 50's or older should have several decent dating prospects and probably should stay single. That is if he's got his trash in one bag, is in decent physical shape, and has learned something about dating over his more than 30 years of experience with that.
Meh. After being widowed at 40 and dating at 42, those guys were still having problems. It's a "person" issue, not a gender, or age issue.
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Meh. After being widowed at 40 and dating at 42, those guys were still having problems. It's a "person" issue, not a gender, or age issue.
Speaking of "person issues"...
Most single women I've known do not say that they can't find a good man. They may talk about their adventures in dating, usually describing any number of men who were good but who for this or that particular reason maybe just weren't right for them or didn't work out. They were outspoken about their good qualities, though. They were not bitter or miserable about the fact that they hadn't yet found "the one" and they were still enjoying their lives. There was no hint of desperation or cynicism there.
It has been really rare for me to hear a woman complain, as though bitter or just exhausted, that she just can't find a good man. And I will just lay down a piece of (sorry, hope no one takes this personally, I don't know you so...) brutal honesty here... The few women I've heard complain in precisely this way, had really serious mental illnesses, like bipolar or borderline, or were severely antisocial individuals who damn near need to go live off the grid with their animals or something. They will say that the world has treated them badly, but as I often tell struggling men, if EVERYONE ELSE is the problem...they are not...you are. In some way, you're setting yourself up to fail or you aren't seeing something about yourself that others are. Something is going on there.
Yeah l'd call it much the same here in those ways. Women that bang on about how bad their ex's were or all the other men out there are this or that, 9 times out of 10 are usually someone you'd avoid like the plaque anyway ha, l even see that advised in date threads , same with men.
Anyone can have a bad ex male or female but if someones had a lot there is something wrong and it's not all about the ex you can bet on that.
Most single women I've known do not say that they can't find a good man. They may talk about their adventures in dating, usually describing any number of men who were good but who for this or that particular reason maybe just weren't right for them or didn't work out. They were outspoken about their good qualities, though. They were not bitter or miserable about the fact that they hadn't yet found "the one" and they were still enjoying their lives. There was no hint of desperation or cynicism there.
.
I agree. I associate with a lot of women socially, and I don't know that I ever hear women complaining about "not finding a good man" The only time I ever hear the specific phrase is on boards like this, where it's usually a trojan horse for unhappy guys to go off about how picky and unrealistic women are.
I agree. I associate with a lot of women socially, and I don't know that I ever hear women complaining about "not finding a good man" The only time I ever hear the specific phrase is on boards like this, where it's usually a trojan horse for unhappy guys to go off about how picky and unrealistic women are.
Indeed.
And sometimes I mention the fact that when I was in my crummy first marriage, I looked around me and could not seem to see or find a SINGLE INSTANCE of a good, healthy relationship I'd want to be in. Everything I heard and saw seemed to be worse even than what I was dealing with! That was part of the why and how that I rationalized that my situation wasn't really that bad for most of the years (until the end where there was no denying it)... But then as soon as I left him, the people I found socially, I saw so many wonderful, loving relationships!
In the past I did not have much faith in long term love, I can admit. But as I healed, as I got my head into a healthier place, I started to see more reasons for hope. It's hard to make it make sense, but on some level, if you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail? Like we have a tendency to either project our own inner mental landscape onto the external reality we are in, or look for patterns and see them, when a certain mindset dominates our thinking and living.
My husband has this book he loves, "The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment" which goes on and on about "vibrations" and would say something about finding your comfort zone with people who are "vibrating on your level"...whole thing sounds like woo woo hippie stuff to me, but it's kinda like that.
But the bottom line, in my opinion, is that this isn't really a "picky women" problem...it's a problem of ANYONE who is only encountering bad situations with other people, needs to pause and reflect and probably do some work on themselves. Not talking about "fault" but...responsibility perhaps.
I agree. I associate with a lot of women socially, and I don't know that I ever hear women complaining about "not finding a good man" The only time I ever hear the specific phrase is on boards like this, where it's usually a trojan horse for unhappy guys to go off about how picky and unrealistic women are.
note to self: this woman is not being picky and unrealistic; men just have to step up their game...
She was talking about women and men in general, not specific individuals.
Do you want to be considered a rapist, because some other guy raped someone?
There are always extremes, in both genders. There are guys who are JUST as crazy as that woman (she says not watching the video...... because it serves no point to watch 1 crazy person).
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Most single women I've known do not say that they can't find a good man. They may talk about their adventures in dating, usually describing any number of men who were good but who for this or that particular reason maybe just weren't right for them or didn't work out. They were outspoken about their good qualities, though. They were not bitter or miserable about the fact that they hadn't yet found "the one" and they were still enjoying their lives. There was no hint of desperation or cynicism there.
It has been really rare for me to hear a woman complain, as though bitter or just exhausted, that she just can't find a good man. And I will just lay down a piece of (sorry, hope no one takes this personally, I don't know you so...) brutal honesty here... The few women I've heard complain in precisely this way, had really serious mental illnesses, like bipolar or borderline, or were severely antisocial individuals who damn near need to go live off the grid with their animals or something. They will say that the world has treated them badly, but as I often tell struggling men, if EVERYONE ELSE is the problem...they are not...you are. In some way, you're setting yourself up to fail or you aren't seeing something about yourself that others are. Something is going on there.
I don't know about that.
I used to post on dating forums years and years ago.
My favorite was always the female poster who would say ... 'I'm so depressed. This ugly hit on me at the club. Is that really indicative of what I can get?'
I have MANY examples from real life too.
I've seen no evidence in this life that women are mentally or emotionally stronger or less shallow or superficial or selfish. Not that they are more so either, but...
There's reasons women complain less, but it has nothing to do with them being stronger, more stoic people.
The more social and economic equality there is with men and women the harder it is for women to find suitable men. Because women only date upwards and rarely downwards. It's ok for a well to do guy to date a woman who works at a bar.
But most women who works as the Director of Finance, etc to date a guy who works as building security.
The more higher the income ladder a woman gets the harder. Because the pool of males that's above your payscale gets even less.
Most guys are ok dating a woman who is still in college as long as she's got decent body and perky personality. But most women who works in the office are looking for a guy who is like a manager or business owner. Good luck.
I used to post on dating forums years and years ago.
My favorite was always the female poster who would say ... 'I'm so depressed. This ugly hit on me at the club. Is that really indicative of what I can get?'
I have MANY examples from real life too.
I've seen no evidence in this life that women are mentally or emotionally stronger or less shallow or superficial or selfish. Not that they are more so either, but...
There's reasons women complain less, but it has nothing to do with them being stronger, more stoic people.
I don't see where I said that women are stronger or more stoic. Or even less superficial. That wasn't the point. And how do you know that the woman who was saying that on that forum was mentally healthy? At the least, that sounds like an immature thing to say. Or maybe an off the cuff anonymous grouse at the end of a crappy day or something.
Also? I am not talking about internet people. I'm talking about what women say to other women in the real world.
And the point that I was making isn't that most of us suck up the awfulness of dating and don't complain, it's that most of us are not only encountering losers, users, abusers, and men we aren't attracted to. We find perfectly decent dudes to date. And sometimes, still, it doesn't work out...but dem's da breaks. You dust yourself off and get on with life.
Way upthread, I mentioned a stunning friend I have who did really struggle in dating and had some crazy stories... But the thing is, she also was bipolar (diagnosed) and had a serious alcohol problem. Once she got clean and started regularly taking her meds, she did end up finding her Mr. Right and now they have an adorable baby.
Anyone who is only running into bad, bad, bad and worse, and more bad... Needs to stop, take stock, maybe get help, I dunno in what specific respect, but work on making themselves a healthier person for a bit. Because the whole world (or the whole gender you want to date) is not the problem. Or hell, maybe if nothing else, it could be the region in which one resides or the social circles in which one moves. But those are things that a person can usually change for themselves.
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