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I told him after the 3rd time that I wanted to get to know each other better that I was not up for a FWB situation. He said he agreed. However, we only saw each other two more times and he wanted to have sex straight away, after that, he talked about his work for a while and didn't ask me anything about my stuff or showed me interest when I tried to say something about me. Do you think I have the right to feel used by him?.
After that, I think he decided to just dump me because he knew that sex was not going to be enough for me, so I know that he only wanted sex. But why did he use me like this if he was not interested in getting to know me?. Maybe I was not going to like him as a person anyway, but I did not wanted to have more sex with him if that was the only thing he was looking for, and I made sure to explain this to him before it happened again.
Also, I find it hard to undersand the superficiality of the hook up culture, if we had strong physical chemistry why not al least try to know who is the person inside that body?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
LOL. When do people do that in most situations?
Everyone wants something different. Some guy here doesn't want a woman to reject him with "I have a BF' if it's not true, he wants them to just SAY why they aren't interested.. Then there is the guy losing his mind at work who is furious his co-worker told him she is not attracted to him. "Why did she have to say that? I'm insecure about my looks!" and now wants to go to HR so he doesn't have a shift with her.
The OP's guy said he found her sexy, she took that as he was open to a relationship. He was pretty honest with her with his actions, he kept his words vague, and she read into it.
According to the OP, she expressed her intent and he agreed. He was deceptive to get sex so she feels used. This is very different from saying "I have a BF" with the intent to spare someone's feelings. Yes, the person didn't like it but they don't feel used.
I don't fault the OP for having sex when she took him at his word and I don't defend someone who deceives someone to get what they want regardless of how many people do it.
I had sex 5 times with this guy , it was so intense and crazy, it was clear that our chemistry was really strong, he told me that and I told him the same. For this reason, I tried to emotionally connect with him but it was so hard, he did not talk about personal things and he did not ask me about personal topics. Soon after that, he told me he needed space!
I was so sad and confused, two months after that, we casually went to the same party and we chatted a little bit. I was still hurt as well as drunk, so I asked him what happened and why he kept watching all my insta stories, he said "I think you are a 10 as a person" and "I watch many stories from different people, but I watch yours because I think you are super sexy and you still turn me on". Why did he tell me such things but still he said he did not wanted something serious with me?. He did not even give us time to have other types of intimacy, is he just too immature for that? is he a narcicist? a player? scared of commitment?.
I know he is still single and not in love with someone else, so that is not the reason.
He gets lots of sex from lots of people and you can't understand why he doesn't want a relationship with you?
Please. Take my advice.
When you meet someone and it is so intense and perfect in the beginning, don't sleep with them. 99.9% chance they are a player. The guys who are really interested will wait.
He gets lots of sex from lots of people and you can't understand why he doesn't want a relationship with you?
Please. Take my advice.
When you meet someone and it is so intense and perfect in the beginning, don't sleep with them. 99.9% chance they are a player. The guys who are really interested will wait.
I tend to agree.
If you want an emotional connection, don't lead off with sex. He was a complete stranger you were willing to share your body with but not take any time to have an actual conversation prior.
According to the OP, she expressed her intent and he agreed. He was deceptive to get sex so she feels used. This is very different from saying "I have a BF" with the intent to spare someone's feelings. Yes, the person didn't like it but they don't feel used.
I don't fault the OP for having sex when she took him at his word and I don't defend someone who deceives someone to get what they want regardless of how many people do it.
He did tell her he did not want anything serious. What he did tell her was that she was sexy. Go back and re-read her posts.
According to the OP, she expressed her intent and he agreed. He was deceptive to get sex so she feels used. This is very different from saying "I have a BF" with the intent to spare someone's feelings. Yes, the person didn't like it but they don't feel used.
I don't fault the OP for having sex when she took him at his word and I don't defend someone who deceives someone to get what they want regardless of how many people do it.
Or maybe he just changed his mind.
Men often see that stage after sex as a probationary period. It's possible he was open to the idea of a relationship but then saw or heard something that turned him off to the idea. Then he ghosted her. It happens.
As some others have already said, the only way to really prevent what the OP is going through is to extract commitment BEFORE you have sex. But that requires you to be honest with yourself and upfront about what you really want. If she goes into the next encounter with a guy as the "cool girl" who's down with NSA sex, it's possible the same thing will happen again.
I would suggest you do the same. I quoted her post. Your post references a later conversation.
I did. They had sex 3 times...he didn't want to commit.
They meet again..she asks, he says yes.
They have sex 2 more times with still nothing happening on his side.
She still has hopes after 5 times of casual sex.
I think she had her first encounter with a "player".
I think she had her first encounter with a "player".
Not even clear he's a player. Sometimes you just have a lukewarm interest in a person from the beginning and it doesn't really change over time. Women accept dinner dates with men who they have a lukewarm interest in and then decide they don't want to continue things any further. Men accept sex from women they have a lukewarm interest in and then decide they don't want to continue things any further.
Has either party really been "cheated" here? People have a right to change their minds.
He did tell her he did not want anything serious. What he did tell her was that she was sexy. Go back and re-read her posts.
After reading all her posts, this is generally what I took from it.
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Not even clear he's a player. Sometimes you just have a lukewarm interest in a person from the beginning and it doesn't really change over time. Women accept dinner dates with men who they have a lukewarm interest in and then decide they don't want to continue things any further. Men accept sex from women they have a lukewarm interest in and then decide they don't want to continue things any further.
Has either party really been "cheated" here? People have a right to change their minds.
Totally agree. Personally, I learned as I got older, not to go out with anyone I felt lukewarm about, I knew that that situation never resulted in me liking them much more. But that came with age, and having better things to do than to spend an evening on a potentially boring date.
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