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I had sex 5 times with this guy , it was so intense and crazy, it was clear that our chemistry was really strong, he told me that and I told him the same. For this reason, I tried to emotionally connect with him but it was so hard, he did not talk about personal things and he did not ask me about personal topics. Soon after that, he told me he needed space!
I was so sad and confused, two months after that, we casually went to the same party and we chatted a little bit. I was still hurt as well as drunk, so I asked him what happened and why he kept watching all my insta stories, he said "I think you are a 10 as a person" and "I watch many stories from different people, but I watch yours because I think you are super sexy and you still turn me on". Why did he tell me such things but still he said he did not wanted something serious with me?. He did not even give us time to have other types of intimacy, is he just too immature for that? is he a narcicist? a player? scared of commitment?.
I know he is still single and not in love with someone else, so that is not the reason.
This is an oldie, but a goodie. If you expect a relationship with a man you don't hop in the sack with him right away. He will assume that's who you are and why marry one of those? He'll marry a sweet girl that makes him work for it. You're the one that did not act appropriately to develop other levels of intimacy. It's not a secret men will hop in the sack with women pretty readily (especially young). Yes, it's a double standard. Don't shoot the messenger.
This is an oldie, but a goodie. If you expect a relationship with a man you don't hop in the sack with him right away. He will assume that's who you are and why marry one of those? He'll marry a sweet girl that makes him work for it. You're the one that did not act appropriately to develop other levels of intimacy. It's not a secret men will hop in the sack with women pretty readily (especially young). Yes, it's a double standard. Don't shoot the messenger.
I think that it is sad to hear and so old fashioned, if we had sex early it is because we both wanted and he was to first one that wanted us to end the second date at his place.. It is not fair to judge the girl differently and does not make sense. Why do we have to be sweet in order to get respected and he can be as horny as he wants?
I do not believe it is a universal truth, maybe for some type of men and maybe it is the truth for him, I cannot be sure about that. But I do not think any women loses their worth just because she was willing to have sex with a man early and I do not think any smart mature man should think that way
I had sex 5 times with this guy , it was so intense and crazy, it was clear that our chemistry was really strong, he told me that and I told him the same. For this reason, I tried to emotionally connect with him but it was so hard, he did not talk about personal things and he did not ask me about personal topics. Soon after that, he told me he needed space!
I was so sad and confused, two months after that, we casually went to the same party and we chatted a little bit. I was still hurt as well as drunk, so I asked him what happened and why he kept watching all my insta stories, he said "I think you are a 10 as a person" and "I watch many stories from different people, but I watch yours because I think you are super sexy and you still turn me on". Why did he tell me such things but still he said he did not wanted something serious with me?. He did not even give us time to have other types of intimacy, is he just too immature for that? is he a narcicist? a player? scared of commitment?.
I know he is still single and not in love with someone else, so that is not the reason.
Telling you that he feels "chemistry" with you does NOT necessarily mean that he wants to get to know you on a more intimate level. Telling you that he thinks you're a '10' as a person, that you're 'super sexy' and that you 'turn him on' doesn't mean that he's into you emotionally.
And none of this necessarily means that he's immature, narcissistic, a player or scared of commitment.
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Originally Posted by marion1991
I told him after the 3rd time that I wanted to get to know each other better that I was not up for a FWB situation. He said he agreed. However, we only saw each other two more times and he wanted to have sex straight away, after that, he talked about his work for a while and didn't ask me anything about my stuff or showed me interest when I tried to say something about me. Do you think I have the right to feel used by him?.
After that, I think he decided to just dump me because he knew that sex was not going to be enough for me, so I know that he only wanted sex. But why did he use me like this if he was not interested in getting to know me?.
Since when is anyone obligated to try to get to know someone after having sex with them?
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Maybe I was not going to like him as a person anyway, but I did not wanted to have more sex with him if that was the only thing he was looking for, and I made sure to explain this to him before it happened again.
You told him this after you already had sex with him? Ugh...
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Also, I find it hard to undersand the superficiality of the hook up culture, if we had strong physical chemistry why not al least try to know who is the person inside that body?
Just because two people have "chemistry" doesn't mean that they BOTH feel the exact same kind of chemistry. He may have felt sexual chemistry with you, but that's it. You may have felt both sexual and emotional chemistry toward him, but he obviously didn't feel the same way.
Sounds like you two weren't on the same page to begin with. But it's difficult to say if he used you. He may have thought that you two were in sync (just like you thought that you were both in sync), and once he realized that you wanted more, he was unprepared to deliver.
Telling you that he feels "chemistry" with you does NOT necessarily mean that he wants to get to know you on a more intimate level. Telling you that he thinks you're a '10' as a person, that you're 'super sexy' and that you 'turn him on' doesn't mean that he's into you emotionally.
And none of this necessarily means that he's immature, narcissistic, a player or scared of commitment.
Since when is anyone obligated to try to get to know someone after having sex with them?
You told him this after you already had sex with him? Ugh...
Just because two people have "chemistry" doesn't mean that they BOTH feel the exact same kind of chemistry. He may have felt sexual chemistry with you, but that's it. You may have felt both sexual and emotional chemistry toward him, but he obviously didn't feel the same way.
Sounds like you two weren't on the same page to begin with. But it's difficult to say if he used you. He may have thought that you two were in sync (just like you thought that you were both in sync), and once he realized that you wanted more, he was unprepared to deliver.
I am not saying that he was obligated to get to know me after having sex with me, but I told him I did not want MORE casual sex if he did not wanted more than that, so he sould not answer to me that he agreed if it was not true, because his behavior did not tell me the same on our last 2 dates. I think that was his fault, your words should align with your actions.
I already had sex 3 times with him when I said that, but what is the problem? I told him what I wanted when I felt the need to say it
I think that it is sad to hear and so old fashioned, if we had sex early it is because we both wanted and he was to first one that wanted us to end the second date at his place.. It is not fair to judge the girl differently and does not make sense. Why do we have to be sweet in order to get respected and he can be as horny as he wants?
It may be "old fashioned", and it may not be "fait", but it's still a reality. Some men do look down on a woman who has sex with him too soon. And yes, there are stories about some men who had sex with ONE woman on their first date, and they've now been happily married decades later.
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I do not believe it is a universal truth, maybe for some type of men and maybe it is the truth for him, I cannot be sure about that. But I do not think any women loses their worth just because she was willing to have sex with a man early and I do not think any smart mature man should think that way
She may or may not lose her worth in his eyes. But here's the thing: Having sex with a man does not entitle you to a relationship with him. He's not obligated to become your boyfriend, or have any kind of emotional intimacy with you whatsoever. And just because *you* may feel a certain way about him, doesn't mean that he feels the same way, or that by having sex with him, it will cause him to feel that way.
It may be "old fashioned", and it may not be "fait", but it's still a reality. Some men do look down on a woman who has sex with him too soon. And yes, there are stories about some men who had sex with ONE woman on their first date, and they've now been happily married decades later.
She may or may not lose her worth in his eyes. But here's the thing: Having sex with a man does not entitle you to a relationship with him. He's not obligated to become your boyfriend, or have any kind of emotional intimacy with you whatsoever. And just because *you* may feel a certain way about him, doesn't mean that he feels the same way, or that by having sex with him, it will cause him to feel that way.
if it is a reality for some misogynistic men, I think this type of men are the ones that are not worth it
I am not saying that he was obligated to get to know me after having sex with me, but I told him I did not want MORE casual sex if he did not wanted more than that, so he sould not answer to me that he agreed if it was not true, because his behavior did not tell me the same on our last 2 dates. I think that was his fault, your words should align with your actions.
I already had sex 3 times with him when I said that, but what is the problem? I told him what I wanted when I felt the need to say it
Are you sure he agreed with you? Or did he simply acknowledge what you said?
You: I don't want to have any more casual sex with you unless you want more.
Him: O.k.
His "o.k." could have meant that he heard you; not necessarily that he agreed with you, especially if he's thinking with his little head. And, if you had sex with him after his "o.k.", he may not have taken you seriously at that moment.
If *I* told a man that I'm not going to have sex with him unless he agrees to something more 'serious', guess what I'm going to do? I won't have sex with him! If he called me after that and wanted to go out on a date, I'd tell him, "Sure. As long as we don't wind up in bed before, during or after the date."
I had sex 5 times with this guy , it was so intense and crazy, it was clear that our chemistry was really strong, he told me that and I told him the same. For this reason, I tried to emotionally connect with him but it was so hard, he did not talk about personal things and he did not ask me about personal topics. Soon after that, he told me he needed space!
I was so sad and confused, two months after that, we casually went to the same party and we chatted a little bit. I was still hurt as well as drunk, so I asked him what happened and why he kept watching all my insta stories, he said "I think you are a 10 as a person" and "I watch many stories from different people, but I watch yours because I think you are super sexy and you still turn me on". Why did he tell me such things but still he said he did not wanted something serious with me?. He did not even give us time to have other types of intimacy, is he just too immature for that? is he a narcicist? a player? scared of commitment?.
I know he is still single and not in love with someone else, so that is not the reason.
It is normal to feel hurt and used over what happened. However, I think based on your expectations, it is very possible that you could have ended the relationship early on. An emotional connection seems to be a priority to you, but he did not give it. That right there would have been the clue that things weren't going to work. Everything he says or does after this point is going to be questionable to you because he was not a good fit for you overall.
Are you sure he agreed with you? Or did he simply acknowledge what you said?
You: I don't want to have any more casual sex with you unless you want more.
Him: O.k.
His "o.k." could have meant that he heard you; not necessarily that he agreed with you, especially if he's thinking with his little head. And, if you had sex with him after his "o.k.", he may not have taken you seriously at that moment.
If *I* told a man that I'm not going to have sex with him unless he agrees to something more 'serious', guess what I'm going to do? I won't have sex with him! If he called me after that and wanted to go out on a date, I'd tell him, "Sure. As long as we don't wind up in bed before, during or after the date."
In that case, why set yourself up to fail?
I did not say I wanted something serious in order to have sex because at that point I did not even know if I liked his personality enough in order to start something serious, I just told him that I wanted to see him but in order to get to know each other and see if we could have something serious.
I remember his answer, he said I find meeting up just to have sex is dirty, I agree with you. After one more date, I told him that sex was great but I would like to share more time to do other things, he said, this sounds perfect to me. But our last date was also about sex and him talking about himself!
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