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I did not say I wanted something serious in order to have sex because at that point I did not even know if I liked his personality enough in order to start something serious, I just told him that I wanted to see him but in order to get to know each other and see if we could have something serious.
But that's not what you did. You saw him again after saying that, and you had sex with him.
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I remember his answer, he said I find meeting up just to have sex is dirty, I agree with you. After one more date, I told him that sex was great but I would like to have more time to do other things, he said, this sounds perfect to me. But our last date was also about sex and him talking about himself!
But...why did you have sex with this guy after you said that?
I mean, you tell the guy that you don't want to have sex with him anymore, but you wanted to get to know him...but then you fall into bed with him after saying that anyway?
If you wanted to get to know him better before having more sex with him, then why didn't you do just that?
But that's not what you did. You saw him again after saying that, and you had sex with him.
But...why did you have sex with this guy after you said that?
I mean, you tell the guy that you don't want to have sex with him anymore, but you wanted to get to know him...but then you fall into bed with him after saying that anyway?
If you wanted to get to know him better before having more sex with him, then why didn't you do just that?
because I did not say I did not wanted to have sex with him, I said I did not want to treat each other as FWB, as simple as that. There's a big difference in meeting up in order to have sex and having sex as well as getting to know each other. But some men just seem to agree because they dont want you to walk away before having all the sex they wanted to have
I told him after the 3rd time that I wanted to get to know each other better that I was not up for a FWB situation. He said he agreed. However, we only saw each other two more times and he wanted to have sex straight away, after that, he talked about his work for a while and didn't ask me anything about my stuff or showed me interest when I tried to say something about me. Do you think I have the right to feel used by him?.
After that, I think he decided to just dump me because he knew that sex was not going to be enough for me, so I know that he only wanted sex. But why did he use me like this if he was not interested in getting to know me?. Maybe I was not going to like him as a person anyway, but I did not wanted to have more sex with him if that was the only thing he was looking for, and I made sure to explain this to him before it happened again.
Also, I find it hard to undersand the superficiality of the hook up culture, if we had strong physical chemistry why not al least try to know who is the person inside that body?
Well, they're two separate things, and l wouldn't know anything about whatever hook up culture either.
But from the sounds of it you've basically just done it yourself really.l know you thought there was more but if there really was then the physical side can wait.
because I did not say I did not wanted to have sex with him, I said I did not want to treat each other as FWB, as simple as that. There's a big difference in meeting up in order to have sex and having sex as well as getting to know each other.
And maybe this guy did the same thing. He may have learned all he needed to know about you before calling it quits. You might be a '10' in his eyes, but that doesn't mean he's emotionally ready for a '10' at that point in his life.
Just because *you're* ready, doesn't mean he is. And sometimes, some people don't realize that they're not ready until they're facing what's in front of them, head on.
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But some men just seem to agree because they dont want you to walk away before having all the sex they wanted to have
Yes, some will do that. But the point is, that you don't really know someone's state of mind until you get to know them better.
Your whole thinking seems to be, "He didn't know me well enough before he dumped me! And all the sweet things he said to me, wasn't good enough to dump me!"
For HIM, it was.
Reduce your interaction down to a sales pitch for a moment...
You 'pitched' what you have to offer. While he liked the 'free gift' that you offered, IF he "bought" your "product", he'd end up spending more than he wanted to spend.
And maybe this guy did the same thing. He may have learned all he needed to know about you before calling it quits. You might be a '10' in his eyes, but that doesn't mean he's emotionally ready for a '10' at that point in his life.
Just because *you're* ready, doesn't mean he is. And sometimes, some people don't realize that they're not ready until they're facing what's in front of them, head on.
Yes, some will do that. But the point is, that you don't really know someone's state of mind until you get to know them better.
Your whole thinking seems to be, "He didn't know me well enough before he dumped me! And all the sweet things he said to me, wasn't good enough to dump me!"
For HIM, it was.
Reduce your interaction down to a sales pitch for a moment...
You 'pitched' what you have to offer. While he liked the 'free gift' that you offered, IF he "bought" your "product", he'd end up spending more than he wanted to spend.
You gave him the "free gift" before he 'bought'.
I think I cant compare myself to a product.. a person is much more complex than that and yes I think he doesnt really know much about me and I have the same feeling towards him.
I have been talking to another guy during the last month and he knows much more about me in one month than what the other guy saw in 3 months.. I think is because the guy I am talking to at the moment seems emotionally available, he asks me questions as well as talking about himself.
it could be that the previous guy was not ready for emotional intimacy, as you previously suggested, maybe
It doesn't really matter what the "why" is, he probably doesn't know what his feelings are to you and probably hasn't put a whole lot of thought into it. Other things on his mind.
Shrug this experience off, look at it as a learning moment. Now you know there are guys like him out there. If you can't play their game stay away from them.
Also don't let sex guide your emotions. Lust can be misleading.
I had sex 5 times with this guy , it was so intense and crazy, it was clear that our chemistry was really strong, he told me that and I told him the same. For this reason, I tried to emotionally connect with him but it was so hard, he did not talk about personal things and he did not ask me about personal topics. Soon after that, he told me he needed space!
I was so sad and confused, two months after that, we casually went to the same party and we chatted a little bit. I was still hurt as well as drunk, so I asked him what happened and why he kept watching all my insta stories, he said "I think you are a 10 as a person" and "I watch many stories from different people, but I watch yours because I think you are super sexy and you still turn me on". Why did he tell me such things but still he said he did not wanted something serious with me?. He did not even give us time to have other types of intimacy, is he just too immature for that? is he a narcicist? a player? scared of commitment?.
I know he is still single and not in love with someone else, so that is not the reason.
Did you meet this guy through a dating app? Guy must be quite active on dating apps. He's pretty good at picking up and bedding women that's for sure. If you're looking for the right guy, don't let this distraught you because obviously he's not the right one. Women all fall for similar tactics but there's nothing wrong with having casual relationship just to get a feel for each other. If he really means what he says, then you wouldn't be posting this.
So just enjoy the relationship as short as it may be and some women also enjoy no strings casual no drama. If you want something more serious then you need to state what you're looking for and delay getting intimate so soon.
You're wanting something with him and he's not. Listen to this. You're going to waste time on a guy like this. Find someone that wants to date and have a relationship.
This guy wants to be a player and is you're not going to change him.
It doesn't really matter what the "why" is, he probably doesn't know what his feelings are to you and probably hasn't put a whole lot of thought into it. Other things on his mind.
Shrug this experience off, look at it as a learning moment. Now you know there are guys like him out there. If you can't play their game stay away from them.
Also don't let sex guide your emotions. Lust can be misleading.
Yes, I think casual sex it is not good for my inner peace and it really guides my emotions, I would like to chose a partner with my mind and not with my hormones only..
maybe I could do it once or twice with the same guy, but I do not want to get involved in a FWB situation, I shouldnt have chemistry with that person in order to not feel bad about it, and anyway if I do not have sexual chemistry I would not enjoy it.
I think this feeling towards casual sex is so common between women and that is why I do not like when people normalizes hook up culture as it is something that everyone should do, some people even say its empowering.. I do not think so, maybe it is if you are a woman that is really into it, if you can absolutely separate sex and emotions, but in the long term, that is not easy at all.
Because of this hook up culture many guys think they do not need to have affective responsibility towards women anymore, and also its hard to know if people is taking you seriously or if they only wanted to have a good time with your body.. and then you cannot complain, because, its 2022 and nothing is serious
Did you meet this guy through a dating app? Guy must be quite active on dating apps. He's pretty good at picking up and bedding women that's for sure. If you're looking for the right guy, don't let this distraught you because obviously he's not the right one. Women all fall for similar tactics but there's nothing wrong with having casual relationship just to get a feel for each other. If he really means what he says, then you wouldn't be posting this.
So just enjoy the relationship as short as it may be and some women also enjoy no strings casual no drama. If you want something more serious then you need to state what you're looking for and delay getting intimate so soon.
Yes, I met him through a dating app and I had not been single since 2016 when I started talking with him.. he only has had one serious relationship that only lasted 1 year and ended 4 years ago, he has experience as a single young man for sure and specifically on dating apps, but he is 30 yrs old like me! he's not a 20 something
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