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I agree with the comment that men do not need to have affective responsibility towards women anymore because of the hookup culture. Since so many women are now willing to "buy into" the hookup culture, men know they can find any number of willing participants. However, men should be clear and upfront about it. I find too many threads about how a man ghosted someone after having sex or told the woman he wasn't ready for a relationship. They need to grow up and take ownership of their actions. Don't just expect the woman to read their minds.
Even if women are willing to go along with a hookup and even enjoy it, it's still a form of male domination. Women might tell themselves they love sex and are sexually free and can have sex and reject him or forget about him without any negative feelings but they are catering to HIM, really.
I told him after the 3rd time that I wanted to get to know each other better that I was not up for a FWB situation. He said he agreed. However, we only saw each other two more times and he wanted to have sex straight away, after that, he talked about his work for a while and didn't ask me anything about my stuff or showed me interest when I tried to say something about me. Do you think I have the right to feel used by him?.
After that, I think he decided to just dump me because he knew that sex was not going to be enough for me, so I know that he only wanted sex. But why did he use me like this if he was not interested in getting to know me?. Maybe I was not going to like him as a person anyway, but I did not wanted to have more sex with him if that was the only thing he was looking for, and I made sure to explain this to him before it happened again.
Also, I find it hard to undersand the superficiality of the hook up culture, if we had strong physical chemistry why not al least try to know who is the person inside that body?
Did you have sex on your first date? If so, that explains a lot about the situation. He's looking for sex and nothing more and you were wanting something he wasn't ready to give.
Yes, I met him through a dating app and I had not been single since 2016 when I started talking with him.. he only has had one serious relationship that only lasted 1 year and ended 4 years ago, he has experience as a single young man for sure and specifically on dating apps, but he is 30 yrs old like me! he's not a 20 something
Along the way, he might meet someone and actually fall in love with her. But it didn't happen with you.
This seems kinda obvious, but if you are looking for a relationship, maybe consider that having sex with strangers you pick up through a hookup app is not the way to find one. It's just a way to find sex, and hey--you were successful with that since you say the sex was so good.
Don't go to a fried chicken place hoping you'll get a nice full-course gourmet meal. You might find some really tasty food that you enjoy there, but it will still only ever be greasy fried chicken.
Yes, I met him through a dating app and I had not been single since 2016 when I started talking with him.. he only has had one serious relationship that only lasted 1 year and ended 4 years ago, he has experience as a single young man for sure and specifically on dating apps, but he is 30 yrs old like me! he's not a 20 something
You’re not gonna find many guys this day and age under 40 that is easily committal into a emotional relationship unless there’s some kind of entanglement or common beneficial situation. I dated a woman briefly who said her ex confessed to cheated with over 60 women in the 2 years they’ve been together due to having financial benefits being together. After 2 years she just gotten too tired of him cheating and moved on. He was 28 and she was only 20.
I had sex 5 times with this guy , it was so intense and crazy, it was clear that our chemistry was really strong, he told me that and I told him the same. For this reason, I tried to emotionally connect with him but it was so hard, he did not talk about personal things and he did not ask me about personal topics. Soon after that, he told me he needed space!
I was so sad and confused, two months after that, we casually went to the same party and we chatted a little bit. I was still hurt as well as drunk, so I asked him what happened and why he kept watching all my insta stories, he said "I think you are a 10 as a person" and "I watch many stories from different people, but I watch yours because I think you are super sexy and you still turn me on". Why did he tell me such things but still he said he did not wanted something serious with me?. He did not even give us time to have other types of intimacy, is he just too immature for that? is he a narcicist? a player? scared of commitment?.
I know he is still single and not in love with someone else, so that is not the reason.
That's not "chemistry" that's five one-night-stands in a row.
You might want to reconsider the practice of hopping into the sack on the first date if you want to have serious relationships. I'm not saying one can't have a serious relationship that starts out in the bedroom, but if you keep it out of the bedroom for a while, you'll rule out the guys who only want a quick shag.
I told him after the 3rd time that I wanted to get to know each other better that I was not up for a FWB situation. He said he agreed. However, we only saw each other two more times and he wanted to have sex straight away, after that, he talked about his work for a while and didn't ask me anything about my stuff or showed me interest when I tried to say something about me. Do you think I have the right to feel used by him?.
After that, I think he decided to just dump me because he knew that sex was not going to be enough for me, so I know that he only wanted sex. But why did he use me like this if he was not interested in getting to know me?.
He did not "use you". You had sex that I assume, based on your description. you both enjoyed. Why did you use him like that?
I don't know why many women at this day and time still seems to have these medieval notions that having sex means that a man is using them....
Quote:
Originally Posted by marion1991
Maybe I was not going to like him as a person anyway, but I did not wanted to have more sex with him if that was the only thing he was looking for, and I made sure to explain this to him before it happened again.
Also, I find it hard to understand the superficiality of the hook up culture, if we had strong physical chemistry why not al least try to know who is the person inside that body?
This is a question for the guy you connected with. But all men are different. Most men need and enjoy sex especially if there is strong personal chemistry. Some me do enjoy getting to know as you put it "the person inside that body". Some don't. As long as no one creates false expectations, I don't really see a problem...
I had sex 5 times with this guy , it was so intense and crazy, it was clear that our chemistry was really strong, he told me that and I told him the same. For this reason, I tried to emotionally connect with him but it was so hard, he did not talk about personal things and he did not ask me about personal topics. Soon after that, he told me he needed space!
I was so sad and confused, two months after that, we casually went to the same party and we chatted a little bit. I was still hurt as well as drunk, so I asked him what happened and why he kept watching all my insta stories, he said "I think you are a 10 as a person" and "I watch many stories from different people, but I watch yours because I think you are super sexy and you still turn me on". Why did he tell me such things but still he said he did not wanted something serious with me?. He did not even give us time to have other types of intimacy, is he just too immature for that? is he a narcicist? a player? scared of commitment?.
I know he is still single and not in love with someone else, so that is not the reason.
No. He isn't. You put out too soon so he's not interested in the chase anymore. Maybe he doesn't want to get hooked up seriously with someone who gets drunk and has sex with people. He has no clue of anything about you so he has to use what he does know to make his decisions.
Sex and an emotional relationship are 2 different things. You can easily have one without the other; the best is when you have both together. Sex is easy. Men dont need any emotional attachment to have sex. Its how it is. They just need a place. There are men out there that are looking for an emotional and sexual relationship. They are out there. You just need to be a little more particular and have more respect for yourself, and dont mistake sex for a relationship.
That's not "chemistry" that's five one-night-stands in a row.
You might want to reconsider the practice of hopping into the sack on the first date if you want to have serious relationships. I'm not saying one can't have a serious relationship that starts out in the bedroom, but if you keep it out of the bedroom for a while, you'll rule out the guys who only want a quick shag.
we had sex on the second date and before that, I already told him that I was not up for a FWB situation but that is how he treated me anyway. I know it was early but he started kissing me and damn.. I do not get sexually aroused so easily, actually, to me it is hard to meet someone that turns me on like this, but it happened with him. Despite that, I did not see great personality qualities on him, and he is attractive but he is not a God, I mean he is normal, but I do not know why it was so impossible to stop!,I know that good sex blows my mind..
You are right that I should control that and I should not have sex that early, but I will not do that because in this way they are going to respect me, I will do it because if not I can get attached to players ! that I dont even like their personalities..but I feel this silly butterflies for them..
If a guy is a player maybe he could have patience anyway and pretend to care about you during several dates until you give him what he wants and if he is not a player he will take you seriourly even if you have sex on the second date so I will not do it for them, I wil dot it for myself in order to avoid getting attached to this type of guys
Last edited by marion1991; 10-27-2022 at 11:00 AM..
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