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And you just go tell the whole world and total strangers that over the internet , very dignified.
At any rate, it's stuff you talk to the guy that interests you about very early in , he's the only one that matters in the equation.
Or if your on a date site l'd actually just briefly mention what your looking for in that department - save a whole lot of messing about later.
Yeah it's gonna rule out most but that won't be all.
On the site l'm on a lot of people just talk about what they're looking for on the page. Just some dinners and company is a really common one l've seen a lot of.
You kind of missing the point that for many women, they're not thinking about sex at all or missing the experience. It doesn't matter if they're being propositioned, it's like getting telemarketing calls--annoying and unwanted.
Everytime I meet a man,when i tell them I am not into sex,they either tell me about how they are different,and to give them a try,or they ghost.
Are there men out there open to a relationship with no sex?
Where can I find such men?
Churches.
Otherwise, men generally want just one thing- the thing that you say you don’t want.
Even men in churches want that one thing. Thus they might not expect it while you’re dating, but they will want to get married quickly so that they can get it.
So I agree: you really want just a platonic friend. Very few men will go for that.
I wonder if testosterone is increasing in women. I'm surprised how buff some young women look now, and many are quite tall and big boned (while also developing early). Women are showing less interest in traditionally female things, less interest in having families and are doing things like having demanding careers and adventure travel. The 80/20 problem if there is any truth to it just means they are hooking up with men who seem more masculine than they are.
It just seems like there are biological and/or cultural shifts and things are changing. I can see how someone who is not even interested in sex might get lost in the mix. I still think there are a lot who could take it or leave it but no one wants to admit it, like there is shame or something.
This would be interesting for researchers to look into. But in terms of sex drive (libido), sexual desire, and sexual attraction. I don't think the sex education of yester year really cuts it anymore. For the longest time, we've been taught that all humans crave physical intimacy, we all want it the same way, no ifs ands or buts about it. At least, that's how most people take the information we currently have about it. But humans are way more complex than that. There are so many people on this planet of different cultures, life circumstances, psychological makeups, etc. Is it really reasonable to be believe that we're ALL fundamentally the same in this respect? The more I think about it, the answer is no. I would even dare to say that the narrative our society has been taught is what makes a lot of people feel like they have to participate because there is no other blueprint or lifestyle that is promoted outside of the ones that are centered around heteronormativity. Until researchers actually bother to research things outside of these norms many people will continue to live in the dark and under a mask.
Otherwise, men generally want just one thing- the thing that you say you don’t want.
Even men in churches want that one thing. Thus they might not expect it while you’re dating, but they will want to get married quickly so that they can get it.
So I agree: you really want just a platonic friend. Very few men will go for that.
OP. What you want will cost you resources. You have the financials to support a man. That is how you will get what you want.
So pay and man to hug and kiss? Never.
If it came down to that, I guess I would just open the legs and hopefully he is the cuddling type. Lots of times in my past, after the deed,the men just rolled over and no cuddles
OP. What you want will cost you resources. You have the financials to support a man. That is how you will get what you want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
So pay and man to hug and kiss? Never.
If it came down to that, I guess I would just open the legs and hopefully he is the cuddling type. Lots of times in my past, after the deed,the men just rolled over and no cuddles
& if jerseygal4u did that, which I'd never do either, there would still be no guarantee that he'll stay true & loyal & not get sex on the side somewhere. So he'd get the, "best" of both worlds...someone paying his way AND him getting his sex on. Plus, she's not going w/ be w/ someone literally 24/7 to make sure he doesn't.
Can't believe that but then it also doesn't surprise me at all in forums either.
l couldn't believe you'd think you know what goes on between every couple you've ever seen in life, for a start there's not gonna be a sign cross their head.
But you don't even have to meet them you just see it with some. Can't tell me every couple you see out there are going at it there's no way, just look at them. There's a lot of couples have separate rooms too.
But yeah l have also known a few too, so what l can understand it whether they've just lost attraction or never really had it in the first place but had everything else just weren't very sexual or whatever the case in the first place, some people aren't.
Actually a friend of mine back in 20s married a lady like this but he was never very sexual anyway, last l heard, yrs ago now but they were still together.
It is just as ridiculous to make assumptions in the way that you propose here, as it is for the person you were replying to, to assume that they know what is going on in the sex lives of strangers. I've never in my life laid eyes on two people that I could "guarantee" were not "going at it." Even old people in nursing homes like to, yanno. Even paraplegics find ways. As for separate bedrooms, that means nothing! Just because you sleep better apart and like having your own space, doesn't mean you aren't enjoying sexytimes at any other point of the day or evening. (My husband and I have separate bedrooms, but it hasn't slowed us down any!)
Also, to your other point about OP "admitting" that she takes care of her own self, ain't no shame in that game dude. Though perhaps we did not necessarily need to know the details on methodology. Like in case you weren't aware, most people do that. Women, too. And it's a pretty crucial first question in any kind of sex therapy if a person says they do not enjoy partnered sex...because you can't help a partner to understand your body's needs if you don't even know what they are, yourself.
I had asked her about toys for one reason, which was to say that if she could not "get there" at all, there are some very good aids out there to the process. I'm trying to be clinical about this.
So...
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
Well yes I take care of my own needs, usually 2x a week without toys
So just to look at facts here:
- You have a sexual history with multiple partners
- You say the sex with those men was not satisfying
- Yet you're capable of enjoyable stimulation, and have not lost the impulse to self-care in that regard.
(The sum total of these^ points is, you never helped to teach a partner how to please you...which indicates a lack of vulnerability, openness to sexual communication and emotional comfort with said partners. Or maybe you did not know that normal intercourse that best pleases a man, is OFTEN not going to meet the needs of a woman...but a caring and considerate lover would want to put in the effort to make sure you were enjoying it, too. Doing stuff besides the standard act, isn't weird or too much to ask...and if you haven't had a partner who is willing to use hands/mouth/toys, then for crying out loud, please don't write off sex as no fun! You've just not had the good stuff!)
Moving on...
- Those partners were not quality relationships. They left, or cheated, or whatever. The "love & happily ever after" is lacking.
(Hate to tell ya, OP, but just declaring "No sex, only cuddles!" I don't think is the magic ticket to your happily ever after with a considerate and loving man who will stay true to you. If you've been dating lots of bad dudes who behaved badly, you might need to go fishing in a different lake or something.)
Now if you were in the age range of some of the ladies in this thread, I'd give you different advice and assume your situation was more like theirs...but you are not, if I understand you're in your 30s or early 40s? And if you had no drive to pursue men specifically with a sense of attraction in your mind, little or no history of sexual activity with them, and/or you had no desire for the physical sexual stimulation...I would be more willing to point to asexuality. The sudden declaration of "no sex anymore at all!" even leads me down a different logical path of what you may NOT be telling us (which you do not need to) than those things. Which just brings me right back to what I said before...whatever is going on with you, first you need to work through it within your own mind and heart, then if you want a genuine and truly loving and satisfying bond with another person, you have to be honest with them. Even if it may feel, in some way or for some reason, unthinkable...you'd be surprised. The rare and special man, the RIGHT man for you, will accept and love you.
I'm being a little cagey because I really think that there's more to this story, but I also think you have no obligation or need to spell out all the details of your situation. But if I were right or wrong in any of a few possible guesses about what's really going on, it wouldn't matter because my advice to you would be exactly what I have said here.
I hope you find your happily ever after, OP! Everyone deserves that, but not everyone is fortunate enough to get it.
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