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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Houston Area Man
That’s because women aren’t wired like men. They need the emotional connection first.
You need to get out more. Plenty don't even care to know their names (definitely not last names, sometimes not even first... some prefer that, actually), never mind have an emotional connection.
And I am in neither camp...I don't see a person and desire them, nor do I necessarily need an emotional connection (and even sometimes I very deliberately do NOT want one)...but I need a cerebral connection. We need to talk, and it's some combo of what makes up their personality and how they express themselves that usually makes up my mind.
I may not need or even want to LOVE a sex partner, but I damn sure want to at least LIKE them.
I do have some parameters for a person's looks but they are very broad. I think that most people fall well within my defined range. But some of the best looking people I've encountered I sensed a personality there that I did not like and it put me off, I recoiled from them. Sex thoughts can happen when I am jazzed about a person's personality.
Which is why I'd sooner bounce into bed with somebody like the comedian Bill Bailey, because he's a delight, than, say, a country singer or athlete who is generally considered to be very good looking. I dunno, it's like when someone brings me a response that feels like ~joy~ I find it...inspiring. Like my brain perks up to that kind of happy stimulation and asks, "more?"
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,146,108 times
Reputation: 40640
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
And I am in neither camp...I don't see a person and desire them, nor do I necessarily need an emotional connection (and even sometimes I very deliberately do NOT want one)...but I need a cerebral connection. We need to talk, and it's some combo of what makes up their personality and how they express themselves that usually makes up my mind.
I may not need or even want to LOVE a sex partner, but I damn sure want to at least LIKE them.
I do have some parameters for a person's looks but they are very broad. I think that most people fall well within my defined range. But some of the best looking people I've encountered I sensed a personality there that I did not like and it put me off, I recoiled from them. Sex thoughts can happen when I am jazzed about a person's personality.
Which is why I'd sooner bounce into bed with somebody like the comedian Bill Bailey, because he's a delight, than, say, a country singer or athlete who is generally considered to be very good looking. I dunno, it's like when someone brings me a response that feels like ~joy~ I find it...inspiring. Like my brain perks up to that kind of happy stimulation and asks, "more?"
This is why these generalizations are totally useless. People often don't want one thing all the time. Heck, they may want sex with someone they know and care about on Wednesday morning and Friday night have a completely anonymous encounter. Or heck, both on the same day, or at the same time. Nothing done consensually between informed adults is inherently wrong for everyone.
You need to get out more. Plenty don't even care to know their names (definitely not last names, sometimes not even first... some prefer that, actually), never mind have an emotional connection.
Yeah there are ONS. You also need to be a Chad/Tyrone.
Yeah there are ONS. You also need to be a Chad/Tyrone.
Or a timberline, who while not an ugly man, I would not in a million years describe using either of those names.
I have seen his photos. He's just a normal lookin' dude. But he is intelligent and knows how to hold an in person conversation, he lives life in the real world despite his presence here on this forum, which is obvious from what I saw of him.
Ya don't have to be "Chad" or "Tyrone." But dudes could maybe try just...not bein' a scrub.
But anyways.
We digress.
OP I am still curious what else you are hoping to find in a partner besides cuddles, fidelity, and no sex.
Do you hope to cohabitate or marry? Do you want them to help raise your kids or are your kids raised? Financial partnership? Good company? Like what does your ideal relationship look like? And what, other than snuggles and no sex, do you have to offer him?
OP I am still curious what else you are hoping to find in a partner besides cuddles, fidelity, and no sex.
Do you hope to cohabitate or marry? Do you want them to help raise your kids or are your kids raised? Financial partnership? Good company? Like what does your ideal relationship look like? And what, other than snuggles and no sex, do you have to offer him?
This is the burning question! More than simply finding another asexual - whatever that means! (I had no idea asexual had gradations and flavors!)
That’s because women aren’t wired like men. They need the emotional connection first.
I had ONS when I was younger. But still never really thought that way. I think someone is attractive aka cute and I want to talk to them to see if their personality is attractive, too. THEN I decide if I want to rip his clothes off. But I don't look at strangers, thinking of sex without having a conversation first.
This is the burning question! More than simply finding another asexual - whatever that means! (I had no idea asexual had gradations and flavors!)
Not picking on *you* pathrunner (may I call you "PR" for short), but I think that so many of us have been misled into this whole area of sex...
...that we supposedly ALL feel the same way about it, or that we ALL SHOULD feel the same way about it.
A lot of people it seems, seem to believe that EVERYONE should feel/think as "they" do, because heaven forbid if they don't.
People DO tend to live their lives according to their beliefs. Whether those beliefs are conscious or unconscious, they still live--that is, talk, think, behave--according to their beliefs.
Frued had a whole bunch of beliefs that he brought forth in the 1940's. We can't say that his own theories weren't biased. His own theories about sexuality were probably somewhat based on his own experiences with his own sexuality. So, he may not have even considered that not EVERYONE thought like HE did.
If Frued was alive today, I wonder what his "take" on asexuality would have been.
The thing is, that with so much evidence in our faces to the contrary, we can't assume that the desire for sex is a constant for ALL people.
So, why do we continue to do so?
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This is the burning question! More than simply finding another asexual - whatever that means! (I had no idea asexual had gradations and flavors!)
