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the part where it's not a slur if I only ever hear the term used that way that's what it is. It's a negative thing you don't want to be so when someone says it to you they are saying you are something that you don't want to be that's a slur.
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No, it's not a slur. Do you identify with the incel community or not? Even though I identify with asexuals, I don't label myself as an asexual. But if someone else referred to me as an asexual, I wouldn't call it a "slur". Again with the "Sheesh!"
when I hear this term used specifically to demean men and that's its predominant usage then yes it's a slur.
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Then maybe you should go on some incel forums...where they call THEMELVES incels. If they call themselves incels with contempt, that's THEIR issue.
I don't think it would matter what they call themselves. Whatever it was it would be used to as a slur against people as a form of contempt.
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An incel wants sex and can't get it...for whatever reason. An asexual DOESN'T want sex, and yet they can often be approached for sex. The asexual doesn't look at themselves as asexuality as being some kind of 'slur'.
Maybe you shouldn't either.
The only time I ever hear the term used it's to show contempt for the people that are identified that way so it's a slur.
My ideal relationship hmmm.
I do not know that. But I guess a man that caters to me and is wildly romantic. I do not care about appearance at all,but i do not fancy very skinny men..My preferred age ranges are 40-70. I just want a man to be hygienic,as in clean house and body. I do not require a man be very intelligent,but of average intelligence. I want us to me equal in income,or he make slightly more. No felonies,unless he it was a one time offense when young(and NO sexual felonies)
What do I have to offer a man? Good meals,good conversation and company, good emotional support,I am not sure what else I have to offer.
Is it safe to say you are asexual but not aromantic? Because if you go to an asexual or "ace" site, you'd need to state that. You want romance but not sex.
But can we back up a minute here? Because the whole "a man that caters to me" thing sounds like you're looking for Lancelot and not a living, breathing man with a purpose of his own. I mean, you're not offering to cater to him. You're offering your cooking skills and the wonder of your presence. Not trying to be sassy here, but I don't know any man who is going to cater to anyone in exchange for food and conversation. They can get that at a decent restaurant with their friends.
Another thing, and this is just my own experience here, rare is the man who doesn't have ED who will lie in bed or sit on the couch cuddling a woman he is attracted to for more than a few minutes and not start to, er, rise to the occasion. They may realize that they won't be having sex that night, but if they're touching you a lot or having a lot of skin-to-skin contact with you, they're going to feel some desire. Yes, it can be kind of annoying at times because dang, can't an exhausted woman who worked a 12-hour day be the little spoon without Vlad the Impaler poking her back?
But that's just how a lot of guys are, what with testosterone and all. If they love you, they want you. Never known a guy who didn't have "physical touch" as his first or second "love language," and with men, "physical touch" usually includes sex. Usually. You might find a guy out there who doesn't include sex in that, or have "physical touch" high on his list, but it's not going to be easy. Please don't shoot the messenger.
This reminds me of chatter I hear and see among menopausal women who no longer want sex. Their husbands are just supposed to "understand" and "not pressure" them. It would be "demeaning" and "abusive" to have to sleep with them if they don't feel like it. They're not "animals" and should be able to control themselves. They should be happy to "cuddle."
This reminds me of chatter I hear and see among menopausal women who no longer want sex. Their husbands are just supposed to "understand" and "not pressure" them. It would be "demeaning" and "abusive" to have to sleep with them if they don't feel like it. They're not "animals" and should be able to control themselves. They should be happy to "cuddle."
Good luck with that!
Yeah, well, there's a whole spin-off topic right there, because:
A) sex can hurt after menopause, and a lot of women are too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about that, and if the husband isn't all that great in the sack, doesn't understand that it takes more time to get revved up without hormones, or simply doesn't get that menopause is emotional as well as physical and complains that she's "changed," forget it
B) a lot of women start struggling with their weight after menopause and their self-esteem and body image take a big hit, especially with the entire world telling them that aging is bad, they need to look young forever, or basically ignoring them because hey, what good is a woman if she's "un-eff-able?"--and if you get all of your self-esteem from how hot you are and hate the way your own body is starting to look, you're not going to feel comfortable with anyone else looking at it or touching it either. Same for if she has had a hysterectomy because of fibroids or other problems.
C) if the marriage stinks and the only things keeping a woman's sex drive going are her ovaries, once she hits menopause, forget that, too
After menopause, for a lot of women it shifts from being horny themselves, for horniness's sake, to needing to feel desire for the man in question. If he's a slob who treats her like a maid, he largely ignores her or doesn't touch her unless he wants sex, they don't have anything in common once the kids are grown, they don't do anything fun together or have any romance in their lives, he treats her badly, etc., there's no hormonal surge to overcome that. It's much harder to turn off the mind, any resentment toward the guy, etc. without those hormones.
Besides, what happens when a man starts slowing down, gets ED, etc? Flip the script here. If a guy can't get it up, women have no choice but to "understand" and "not pressure" them. Not every guy can take a little blue pill. Gander, meet Goose.
This reminds me of chatter I hear and see among menopausal women who no longer want sex. Their husbands are just supposed to "understand" and "not pressure" them. It would be "demeaning" and "abusive" to have to sleep with them if they don't feel like it. They're not "animals" and should be able to control themselves. They should be happy to "cuddle."
Good luck with that!
Most men take sex-ed in high school. They already know at 14-15 years old that women go through menopause, and that QUITE OFTEN, women may longer be interested in sex once they hit that threshold. It's no big secret.
They know it at 14.
They know it at 24.
And at 28, when they're standing at the altar saying their wedding vows. You know the ones, where they promise to 'forsake all others'...?
If a man doesn't think he can handle the idea that his wife may not want sex for a number of years, the easy solution for him is, DON'T GET MARRIED.
Most men take sex-ed in high school. They already know at 14-15 years old that women go through menopause, and that QUITE OFTEN, women may longer be interested in sex once they hit that threshold. It's no big secret.
They know it at 14.
They know it at 24.
And at 28, when they're standing at the altar saying their wedding vows. You know the ones, where they promise to 'forsake all others'...?
If a man doesn't think he can handle the idea that his wife may not want sex for a number of years, the easy solution for him is, DON'T GET MARRIED.
That's a problem too. Men who don't get married often face ridicule.
Most men take sex-ed in high school. They already know at 14-15 years old that women go through menopause, and that QUITE OFTEN, women may longer be interested in sex once they hit that threshold. It's no big secret.
They know it at 14.
They know it at 24.
And at 28, when they're standing at the altar saying their wedding vows. You know the ones, where they promise to 'forsake all others'...?
If a man doesn't think he can handle the idea that his wife may not want sex for a number of years, the easy solution for him is, DON'T GET MARRIED.
My Dw went through her menopause when she and I were 25yo.
That's a problem too. Men who don't get married often face ridicule.
I don't know of many men who were ridiculed because they weren't married. Women? Yes. The whole "cat lady" thing and all.
But even when I wasn't married, and someone asked me WHY I wasn't married, I told him, "Because I don't want to be married!" He backed down. But out of 64 years of living, that was the ONLY time that anyone said anything about my marital status.
I think this whole idea of people 'ridiculing' others because they're not married is in their own heads. Most people don't even think twice about whether one is married or not. And of the ones who do, well...it's none of their business, anyway!
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