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You'd be happy in my situation, lol. My bf (him 37, me 43) is much more into the cuddling part than sex. He says he always has been. We do still have sex, mostly initiated by me, but it's a very small part of our relationship.
We kiss (simple peck on the lips) each other hello after we get home from work. We watch tv in the evenings and on the weekends together. We always sit touching, normally holding hands, or rubbing each other's backs, etc. As it gets later, he'll lie down on the couch with his head in my lap. At night we sleep pressed up against each other, taking turns on being the big spoon. We express our love for each other daily in person and via text. So, although there isn't a lot of sex, there is a ton of intimacy.
Most people will not waste their time going into a relationship if it doesn't involve intimacy
No, the OP wants intimacy. She just doesn't want intimacy in the form of sex.
Intimacy has been divided into four different types: Physical, emotional, intellectual and/or spiritual.
Physical intimacy can involve holding hands, hugging, arms around each other, kissing, cuddling and yes, sexual expression.
Sex is only onepossible form of physical intimacy. However, sex can be a very 'mechanical' act. That is, one can use another human being for the sole purpose of 'getting off'. What's so "intimate" about that?
I'm sure you've heard the battle cry of some others who have said, "It was 'just' sex!" before. So, yes. One can have sex without intimacy.
But one can also have a deep intimacy without sex.
And companionship is only one aspect of that intimacy.
It took me a while not to take it personally, but now it's all good. I did cry about it once or twice. Just took my heart longer to believe what my brain knew - that it wasn't about me or the way he felt about me. I'm already very sensitive to things sexually related.
For the OP, I don't know if this made a difference or not, but in my profile, I was very clear that any kind of adult entertainment or pornography was a deal breaker. Yes, I include places like Hooters in this. I even try my best to make sure that anything on tv doesn't have any nudity in it. We've become pretty good with the remote on fast-forwarding through movies that I compromised on watching. Heck, I don't even believe in people dancing together that are not in a committed relationship.
That was probably a red flag for some people and sorted out those who were very sexual. One of the great things about it however was all the people who asked questions to know if there was some sort of backstory, etc. I knew then that they had actually read my profile. I didn't get any flack from it - I assume anyone who would do that just skipped right over me. (The difference between me and the OP though is that although I am against all external sources that are sexually related, within the confines of a relationship and in a private setting, there can be as much sex as anyone wants.)
Do you watch tv with your friends while lying in bed?
Actually... I have friends that I have tried cuddling up with, and the club I used to spend a lot of time at back in Colorado has occasional "cuddle parties" that are strictly non-sexual. But personally, I have found (and this seems very odd to me) that snuggling feels even more intimate than sex does! I've been far more OK in my life history having sex with people that I wasn't seriously emotionally close to, but snuggling with people who are on that level for me feels very awkward and uncomfortable.
I know a lot of people who are not "wired" (so to speak) that way at all...but it is apparently how I am. Weird or not.
I also feel that over time, a partner that I am with day after day, we find ways to fit our bodies together when snuggling or watching TV in bed that "work" and are comfortable. Get past the initial, "OK that hurts, I can't have my neck turned this way or my arm in that position" stuff and just automatically go to our standard spots. When my husband and I watch TV together in his bed, I fit myself tucked up close under his left arm, he rests his arm across my chest and stomach, and the cat curls up next to my left hip. We all have our "spot" where we are comfortable.
I've got the couple I mention sometimes, back in Colorado, when I visit them I know they'd love to snuggle with me but the idea feels awkward to me so when I'm there, I always claim this one recliner in the living room rather than sitting on the sofa with them. Another part of that, is that when I am having conversation with people, I want to face them and see their faces, not be all snuggled up facing a different direction, nor breathing in each other's faces.
Long story short - I know people who do that, but I don't.
Actually... I have friends that I have tried cuddling up with, and the club I used to spend a lot of time at back in Colorado has occasional "cuddle parties" that are strictly non-sexual. But personally, I have found (and this seems very odd to me) that snuggling feels even more intimate than sex does! I've been far more OK in my life history having sex with people that I wasn't seriously emotionally close to, but snuggling with people who are on that level for me feels very awkward and uncomfortable.
I know a lot of people who are not "wired" (so to speak) that way at all...but it is apparently how I am. Weird or not.
I also feel that over time, a partner that I am with day after day, we find ways to fit our bodies together when snuggling or watching TV in bed that "work" and are comfortable. Get past the initial, "OK that hurts, I can't have my neck turned this way or my arm in that position" stuff and just automatically go to our standard spots. When my husband and I watch TV together in his bed, I fit myself tucked up close under his left arm, he rests his arm across my chest and stomach, and the cat curls up next to my left hip. We all have our "spot" where we are comfortable.
I've got the couple I mention sometimes, back in Colorado, when I visit them I know they'd love to snuggle with me but the idea feels awkward to me so when I'm there, I always claim this one recliner in the living room rather than sitting on the sofa with them. Another part of that, is that when I am having conversation with people, I want to face them and see their faces, not be all snuggled up facing a different direction, nor breathing in each other's faces.
Long story short - I know people who do that, but I don't.
I agree with the bolded. Sex is an active thing and both of you are moving various parts of your body and it's over fairly quickly. There's a lot going on. Often dark. But I know when we are sitting there shoulder to should holding hands for 2 plus hours, we both give a lot away without saying anything or even needing to see each other. He can feel my heart rate change; he notices if I stop rubbing his hand or pull my hand away. He can feel my reaction to the tv or to what he has said, etc.
I am one of those guys. I was married once and that was our downfall, she wanted it and I lost interest.
The last relationship I had was short lived and she knew ahead of time sex was the last thing on my mind. I guess she thought she could change that.
I see nothing wrong with a sexless relationship myself.
I am one of those guys. I was married once and that was our downfall, she wanted it and I lost interest.
The last relationship I had was short lived and she knew ahead of time sex was the last thing on my mind. I guess she thought she could change that.
I see nothing wrong with a sexless relationship myself.
maybe you should meet the OP.
Why did you not go to the doctor, get testosterone shots or whatever else is out there? Have you always been that way?
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