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This reminds me of something I once read wherein a woman said the only man she ever had an orgasm with during "standard" p-in-v intercourse was a man she met while traveling in India. She got sick from the food or water, and he'd held her over the floor-drain toilet while she was in the throes of terrible diarrhea. He'd seen her at her most vulnerable, and later, when they developed a sexual relationship, she was able to be more free with him than she'd ever been with anyone else.
Oh wow. That would be too much for me. I try to keep those things separate.
As far as "o", I've always wondered if it's not doing it for a woman, can't she sort of take over/make her own moves and make it go better for herself...kind of do what you need to do so everyone gets their slice of pie. Why have him do all the work. Shouldn't have to have a guy watch her grossest moment up close in order to get her stuff to work, don't be afraid to take some for yourself it's a two way street.
If a woman is doing such a very intimate thing as sex why does she all of a sudden become shy when its time to get hers I wonder.
Oh wow. That would be too much for me. I try to keep those things separate.
As far as "o", I've always wondered if it's not doing it for a woman, can't she sort of take over/make her own moves and make it go better for herself...kind of do what you need to do so everyone gets their slice of pie. Why have him do all the work. Shouldn't have to have a guy watch her grossest moment up close in order to get her stuff to work, don't be afraid to take some for yourself it's a two way street.
If a woman is doing such a very intimate thing as sex why does she all of a sudden become shy when its time to get hers I wonder.
Some men take it personally that she would need help at all, which doesn't bode well for the relationship or communication, but it's a factor.
Right, and these are questions that only she can answer, or any one of us for ourselves.
I guess my point is that given I have this lifetime of "meh" but with a few bright points along the way... When it was good, it was really...omg really, really...good. And it does leave one with this feeling of, "Damn you know, this is what I should have been having/getting all along, don't we all deserve to have it so good?"
THAT...was worth having. A worthwhile experience. Enough so, that I do indeed feel a bit sorry for anyone who has never gotten to experience it, which -damn it!- is far too many women!
But sex is like anything else. Unfortunately, so many people DO see the world through their eyes. If *I* love chocolate ice cream, EVERYONE 'should' love chocolate ice cream! And if they don't, like OMG...what's WRONG with them????
Seems to be almost like an 'acquired taste.' Some people can't get enough. Others appreciate it if it's far and few between. Still others, simply don't care for it. Nothing wrong with any of that.
Plus, there ARE some men and women who have had some extraordinary sexual experiences, even possibly surpassing the 'mind-blowing' ones that YOU may have had. But they don't necessarily seek them out. Again, perhaps they like the idea of this happening once in a while, instead of making it a regular habit.
Take going to the beach, for example. I LOVE the beach. But I wouldn't want to necessarily live there. I know myself well enough, that if I lived there, it would quickly lose its allure, simply because it was constantly available.
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But ultimately I advocate most for each of us to pursue what makes us feel happy and fulfilled and if that is a life without sex, then no, I don't think that anyone has the right to tell us we must be otherwise, or that we are broken.
Agreed.
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And since we've touched on the subject of some of our unfortunate past experiences, yeah, my ex did try to lecture me about how I was inadequately sexual or romantic or any of that... But the fact is, he lost my emotional trust and my willingness to be vulnerable and open to him very early on. I mean, how are you going to let a man fully into your sexual mind and heart when he thinks that revenge porn is hee-larious? What really sucks is that there were times I did the "routine husband maintenance" thing where it went way past "meh" into the territory of feeling truly awful. Like, "I want to wash up and forget this happened" awful.
And when some people hear about some of the negative sides of sex, they want no part of it. Not even taking a risk.
Can we really blame them?
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And I used to think, very often I would think, during our marriage... That I could easily go the rest of my life without ever having sex again. It would be fine. I had fantasies about living alone. There were long spans of time where I would have thought I was probably asexual if that was a term I was familiar with back then. But then, after we split, well...I encountered some people and things that changed my mind. For me at least, the issue was not a total lack of desire to ever have sex, it was HIM and it was THAT. I needed and wanted (Monty Python voice) "something completely different"...
And yet, when I took my own 'inventory', I came to a completely different conclusion: That is, that I never really liked sex in the first place. Yes, had a bunch of it. Yes, had orgasms during. Even a few exceptional ones.
But I also realized that when I didn't have a partner, I didn't miss the sex with a partner. Oh, I cried and such when we broke up. But I never thought of us in bed together. I missed out talks...cuddling on the couch WITHOUT sex. But I could have easily done without sex.
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The book, "Come As You Are" addresses this with the "brakes and accelerator" concepts. When I was with my ex, my brakes were totally engaged. Emergency brake on. No going anywhere. Once I got free of him, though... I did eventually rediscover my vroom, vroom!
But my happiness, I can assure you, looks very different from what most people would be happy with or want. And that is OK, that is always OK, for any of us, I figure. And hey, given that a few guys have even cropped up on this thread to say that they could only wish to find what OP says she's looking for, maybe that isn't even as challenging or rare as I thought.
Probably not. I've been on other relationship forums since 2000, and I'll tell ya...you just might be amazed at how many women complain about their husband's/partner's not being interested.
Some of those men even clued us in to say, that the ONLY reason they had sex initially, was because of 'society's pressure' for men to do so. For men to always be 'wanting and willing'. They often felt like failures, because they weren't. Even if they 'confessed' that they didn't want sex (or even want it that often), they got flack from other men.
Kind of like, "Dude...you ain't a real man unless you ALWAYS want it"...
But sex is like anything else. Unfortunately, so many people DO see the world through their eyes. If *I* love chocolate ice cream, EVERYONE 'should' love chocolate ice cream! And if they don't, like OMG...what's WRONG with them????
Seems to be almost like an 'acquired taste.' Some people can't get enough. Others appreciate it if it's far and few between. Still others, simply don't care for it. Nothing wrong with any of that.
Plus, there ARE some men and women who have had some extraordinary sexual experiences, even possibly surpassing the 'mind-blowing' ones that YOU may have had. But they don't necessarily seek them out. Again, perhaps they like the idea of this happening once in a while, instead of making it a regular habit.
Take going to the beach, for example. I LOVE the beach. But I wouldn't want to necessarily live there. I know myself well enough, that if I lived there, it would quickly lose its allure, simply because it was constantly available.
Agreed.
And when some people hear about some of the negative sides of sex, they want no part of it. Not even taking a risk.
Can we really blame them?
And yet, when I took my own 'inventory', I came to a completely different conclusion: That is, that I never really liked sex in the first place. Yes, had a bunch of it. Yes, had orgasms during. Even a few exceptional ones.
But I also realized that when I didn't have a partner, I didn't miss the sex with a partner. Oh, I cried and such when we broke up. But I never thought of us in bed together. I missed out talks...cuddling on the couch WITHOUT sex. But I could have easily done without sex.
Probably not. I've been on other relationship forums since 2000, and I'll tell ya...you just might be amazed at how many women complain about their husband's/partner's not being interested.
Some of those men even clued us in to say, that the ONLY reason they had sex initially, was because of 'society's pressure' for men to do so. For men to always be 'wanting and willing'. They often felt like failures, because they weren't. Even if they 'confessed' that they didn't want sex (or even want it that often), they got flack from other men.
Kind of like, "Dude...you ain't a real man unless you ALWAYS want it"...
Regarding the chocolate...
It's more like, I personally like the more expensive stuff. I do not like Hershey's chocolate, I think it has that whatever acid, tastes slightly like puke and I just do not dig it. If someone told me that they hated chocolate I would not argue, but if later they volunteered that they'd only ever tried Hershey's kisses, I might at least think it's a shame if they never got a chance to taste the good stuff.
We should all have at least the opportunity to taste the good stuff...if we want to. I feel.
Now if someone said that no, they have no desire to ever taste one bit of chocolate ever again, why, that would be their prerogative and not for me to argue. I'm not going to call them broken or pressure them or any such a thing.
In sex terms, I'm not just talking about one's ability to get a "finish" either but again...I don't want to get into it. The forum is of course not meant to get graphic, so... Yeah.
Oh and boy do I ever agree with the spirit of your last point, there. I believe that the societal notion that men are supposed to always want sex and pursue sex and all, is just as harmful as the idea that women are not allowed to want or enjoy sex lest it make us bad people. Neither thing is true. People want what they want. Sometimes it's sex, sometimes it's love, sometimes both, sometimes neither. There is room for all of it.
I think the only time that it should matter to someone, as to them not having sex, is if it bothers them that they're not interested in sex.
But if it bothers them, then WHY does it bother them? Is it because they believe that they're 'supposed' to want sex at all times? That there's 'something WRONG' with us if we don't?
What universally accepted authority tells us that we're ALL 'supposed' to want sex, especially since it's so obviously not universally true?
That is the point I am making. It does not bother me that I do not like sex. I do not miss orgasms during sex(which I really never had anyway).
During the pandemic, since I had so much free time,I realized I really did not like sex. At all! Has it been freeing? Yes. It does not bother me. But I crave intimacy, specifically cuddles. That I always craved. Always wanted a man to just bring flowers to me just because. Or watch tv together.
You'll find them everywhere. They will see that as a challenge LOL.
And when I do not give it up?
I do not want to risk violence.
I take things literally. When men have told me they wanted me to come over and watch a movie.I thought they literally meant "watch a movie" I did not think they meant other things.
During the pandemic, since I had so much free time,I realized I really did not like sex. At all! Has it been freeing? Yes. It does not bother me. But I crave intimacy, specifically cuddles. That I always craved. Always wanted a man to just bring flowers to me just because. Or watch tv together.
Sounds like you're longing for the unconditional love of a father. I miss that, too... ((hugs))
Have you considered volunteering your time to help the elderly? They do make for great companions.
Have you considered volunteering your time to help the elderly? They do make for great companions.
Yes! An elderly guy! Some are awfully cuddly…and a lot of them have really good stories.
Not even kidding.
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