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No, but let me tell you, there is no disappointment on planet earth so deep, as hooking up with someone you have a lot of excitement for and finding them to be not so fun between the sheets.
But the other thing that I want men to be clear on...even though a lot of women won't give guys this grace, just because I've had enough experience to know... The things that really make a man great, meh, or bad, in bed, aren't those things he cannot help. It's not size, stamina, abs, height, etc etc. It's more things like, first of all HYGIENE for the love of God hygiene... and then having the ability to "read the room" and match someone's vibe, playful and flirtatious attitude (too many guys are way too serious in the bedroom, it's supposed to be fun) knowledge of anatomy is a big help, and being "good, giving and game" as Dan Savage says.
Like a bad experience I'm thinking of here, there was a young guy I had the hots for when I was an equally young person and I was super into him...we finally got our chance, and he was like, ten seconds and done, which I totally could have forgiven, if there had been a "round two" or further activities. But when he was done, as far as he was concerned, that was that. And when I raised an eyebrow at this, he decided that the best way to break the tension would be to tickle me until I screamed and kicked him, and I'm not at all a fan of that.
I was completely over him, after that day, I can tell you.
Yet I have been with men who had...issues with their equipment doing what they wanted it to...but they were still "good, giving and game" and happy to use other means to make me feel good, which given how a woman's anatomy actually works is likely to be more successful anyways.
But this goes back to what I was saying about building connection with a partner before jumping in the sack, because I think a lot of women (who perhaps don't know better) just either get with men who are selfish lovers or they just let dude do whatever he thinks sex is about, without sharing any guidance or input on the situation at all...which is hard to do if you haven't built some rapport. Being able to have great sex, for a lot of women, does mean being willing to be truly vulnerable and intimate. Not just consenting to let some dude use your body for his own enjoyment, while you stare at the ceiling and wait for him to be done.
Still, if the OP doesn't want sex, she doesn't want sex. I just think that it's a shame how many women in the world don't get to have really good experiences, women who would have been open to having them but did not have the chance. I mean, I didn't even know how good it COULD be for much of my life.
Funny I did not take you for a long haired metalhead kind of guy...
Hey, to be fair, we were young. One hopes dude's got his act together since then, eh?
And for sure like it's not men's fault that women's anatomy is put together how it is. Not our fault either, but the least women can do is learn how to talk with our partners, if we want to have a better time. The point of all that blah, blah, is that if one actually does want to try to have better times with a thoughtful partner who is willing to play, then like...where there's a will, there's a way. Just gotta talk about it and get there together.
Of course this all arrows back to the question of whether the OP just truly wants to give up sex for good, and that's her final answer... Or is she just tired of having bad times with guys she's been mixed up with thus far? If the second is the problem, then the first is not the only possible solution. That's all I'm saying.
Funny I did not take you for a long haired metalhead kind of guy...
Hey, to be fair, we were young. One hopes dude's got his act together since then, eh?
And for sure like it's not men's fault that women's anatomy is put together how it is. Not our fault either, but the least women can do is learn how to talk with our partners, if we want to have a better time. The point of all that blah, blah, is that if one actually does want to try to have better times with a thoughtful partner who is willing to play, then like...where there's a will, there's a way. Just gotta talk about it and get there together.
Of course this all arrows back to the question of whether the OP just truly wants to give up sex for good, and that's her final answer... Or is she just tired of having bad times with guys she's been mixed up with thus far? If the second is the problem, then the first is not the only possible solution. That's all I'm saying.
Lol. That made me laugh out loud.
But i agree with you. You have to work with your SO but she has to be into you.
I'm sure it's been mentioned already, but isn't there an asexual type of dating option within online dating? There are probably more people open to the idea of not having sex than many people probably think there are.
I'm sure it's been mentioned already, but isn't there an asexual type of dating option within online dating? There are probably more people open to the idea of not having sex than many people probably think there are.
I don't think that's what the OP is looking for.
From what I can gather the OP wants what every other woman wants. The man who she is attracted to and is a man of value. She wants everything else BUT bedroom fun. She made that clear. She wants Tom Brady full time but he will have to keep it in his pants.
My response is that men do all the other things FOR bedroom fun. That's the only reason why we buy flowers and hold hands. Take that out of the equation and you will have to BUY his attention with financial support. That means he won't be a man of value. So it's not going to work OP unless your standards are rock bottom.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,191,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
I'm sure it's been mentioned already, but isn't there an asexual type of dating option within online dating? There are probably more people open to the idea of not having sex than many people probably think there are.
Yes, there are people that are asexual but not aromantic. That's exacty what she is defining. Not easy to find, but they're out there.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,191,467 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
God, that would be depressing, if actually true.
It isn't. It may be his truth, but its far from universal or even the norm. I, and almost every guy I know, don't have to do that stuff to have sex. Sex is easy to find, relationships are much harder. If we're doing something like buying flowers or whatever, its to make a person we care about smile. Let them know we're thinking about them. Not because there is some "payoff" in the bedroom. If some guy has to put up a facade to get laid, they're a pretty pathetic excuse for a man, IMO. Someone with very maladaptive thinking patterns.
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