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I'm seeking help afterwards. I don't think I can be on any relationship at this point. I can't even understand from her point of view too much (her still being hurt and bringing up the past after 8 years) and I think this isn't good.
In her eyes, You were a bully. Then you made things worst for her and your boyfriend by arguing with her and to top it off threw food at her.
It didn't make you look good at all.
When confronted you should've apologized immediately and shown your maturity.
While I appreciate the advice about sending the two different apology letters, I was wondering if it would be better to work on myself first, contact a psychologist (then therapist) and asked them if it would be wise to write them the letter. I'm not in my best mindset at this moment and they probably want to be left alone, given that I haven't really changed too much and still have negative traits.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
The OP should have owned up to her behavior, apologized, and shown to everyone that she's not the bully she was in high school.
That would've been the right answer but I was too much of a coward to own up to it. I just didn't really feel like bringing up the past. I felt like moving forward, as if trying to forget it ever happen and start from scratch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mink57
But you're not a "former" bully. You're STILL a bully in the present. He didn't "discard" you because of what you did in the past. He left you because of what you did in the present.
You didn't come here to write about what you did 8 years ago. You came and wrote about what you did 8 years later...which was the same, if not WORSE than what you did 8 years ago.
Put yourself in HER shoes. How do you think that YOU would think...how YOU would feel, if someone bullied YOU, like you bullied her? Would YOU be so forgiving? Even 8 years later?
I think I've would've moved forward with my life and not focus on the past too much. Since I'm still dealing with my issues and can be impulsive and temperamental if confronted (it reminds me of not being in control of the situation and I hate when I'm on the losing end), I'll be focusing on myself. The next upcoming week I'll be setting up an appointment with a psychologist.
When confronted you should've apologized immediately and shown your maturity.
I tend to react badly when getting confronted. Part of my personality is hating to lose control of things or a situation, not being the one in charge.
Imagine others are trying to forcefeed something you either you don't like or are not ready to eat yet, then you would react badly and either spit it out or tell them to stop. This is the same thing that happened to me. By getting confronted, I felt as if being forced to say what she wanted to hear either I don't want to, didn't feel like it or have a difficult time saying it.
At some point an argument started? Like it just drifted down off the ceiling, POOF!
All I can say without getting banned is it's too bad she didn't rice pudding you. Keep this up and you'll have quite the rep. Actually you most likely already have a rep. Now you have to clean it up, which means find a therapist or self help group and work on YOU.
The guy is gone, you got off easy.
I'm going to get help and work on myself. I won't contact him anymore nor even try.
Oh, heck no. The better option would have not been to gaslight the ex's sister and make the OP look like an innocent victim of a classmate who just can't let it go. If how the OP treated the ex's sister was bad enough that her brother took her side over someone he was going to propose to, it had to be serious. The OP should have owned up to her behavior, apologized, and shown to everyone that she's not the bully she was in high school. How she actually behaved demonstrated that she could be just as mean as 8 years ago.
Agree. Her past behavior should have been acknowledged and apologized for.
Op -
I agree with the poster that stated a hand-written apology to both your ex and his sister would be appropriate. They may not respond, but it is a decent thing to do.
And make sure you follow up with your therapy. Good luck.
His half-sister kept confronting me with the past, this created an argument and I lashed out by calling out her old nickname and threw rice pudding at her.
Okay so if I'm the guy in this situation and I'm not doing this to call you out I'm just going to explain the way a guy sees it you lied to me about knowing her for some reason you got angry at her and you became physical about it.
If I was dating you I would want to figure out why I would think most guys would want to figure out why what else happened?
I'm seeking help afterwards. I don't think I can be on any relationship at this point. I can't even understand from her point of view too much (her still being hurt and bringing up the past after 8 years) and I think this isn't good.
A lot of the times those things you did in the past hurt them a lot more than you think it did I've had to confront this myself, I thought I was just messing around and it was a big joke I didn't understand it hurt the person I was joking with.
Agree. Her past behavior should have been acknowledged and apologized for.
Op -
I agree with the poster that stated a hand-written apology to both your ex and his sister would be appropriate. They may not respond, but it is a decent thing to do.
If I'm still the negative person in her mind (still a bully), I can't emphathized too much yet and still not really understand her pain then wouldn't it be like apologizing randomly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlj1225
And make sure you follow up with your therapy. Good luck.
They're closed today. I'm going to call them starting tomorrow and get an appointment set up ASAP. I was thinking I should start working on myself first in order to emphathize with her and/or others better.
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Then you made things worst for her and your boyfriend by arguing with her and to top it off threw food at her. 
