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I thought the rice pudding throwing stage ended right around the time you exit middle school.
26 is the new 13!
And OTOH who really makes rice puddin' any more? I don't think I've ever eaten it. It just sounds gloopy and yucky. But OP should have tossed it in the garbage.
Yeah that would be hurtful. I've decided not to sent the letters yet. I'm going to show them to the psychologist. I believe my change won't be overnight and it's a process.
The point wasn't about should you or should you not send the letters. The reason I asked is because I wanted to know if you even feel pain. The fact that you admit that my examples would indeed hurt you, means that you're not a lost cause.
Nonetheless, you have a LOT of work to do with that therapist/psychologist. I would love for you to show them your responses in this thread, at some point. It will give them a very clear idea of what they are working with.
Quote:
It was more a case of getting confronted by the past brought the worst in me and it's like I was a teen again.
I do understand the idea of rebelling against something, but this isn't one of those times. You hurt someone. You don't double down when they confront you with it, especially when they tried to do it privately. She was giving you a chance to do the following:
Quote:
I thought erasing the past from history (never acknowledge it) and her getting to know my present-day nicer version would be starting all over; similar to meeting a stranger for the first time.
That's the opportunity she was giving you, and you..literally...threw it in her face and laughed.
You have to acknowledge it before you can move on. You don't get to pretend you're a brand new person when you're the same physical person who hurt her in the past. You never apologized in the past. And instead of showing her that you are a 'new' person, you said, 'Nah, I'm still the same, eat this pudding, hahahahahahahha!'
The absolute last thing you proved to her was that your 'present day nicer version' exists. It doesn't.
Quote:
When it didn't work, I was thinking she was exaggerating her hurt. I get that it was wrong but haven't reached the point of actual remorse, which that's like a deeper guilt. I can still feel guilt (not for everyone though) but not to the point of ''omg will you ever forgive me'' thing, too deep. Or perhaps I haven't really hit rock bottom yet.
You haven't reached 'actual remorse' because you still don't think any of this was your fault. You've blamed her, you've blamed your parents, you've blamed anything and everything except yourself. You say you 'realize it was wrong', but I don't think you do.
Here's some reality: You do not get to tell someone how much something hurts them, nor how long it will hurt them. You could have taken a lot of that hurt away from the sister by acknowledging who she was, from the start, and apologizing for how you acted in the past. At that point you could then say, 'I would really like you to see me as a new person. I'm much nicer than I was back then. I would love another chance with you', (considering she could have been your sister in law at some point, that should have been important to you).
What would be good for your psychologist to know:
You feel no remorse over things you've done.
You don't feel empathy.
You find ways not to blame yourself, but everyone else for 'why' you act certain ways.
You sabotage yourself because you don't know how to act properly.
(The last part - you appear to be more concerned about your life, what you want, and nothing more. If you think something will get in the way of what you want, you'll lash out. The problem is, you were so used to acting however the hell you wanted that you sabotaged yourself. You wanted to pretend the past didn't happen, instead of acknowledging it. You wanted the sister to drop it - you don't get to make that call. You wanted to continue dating your b/f. But he caught you acting like a lunatic to his own sister. You did that to yourself. It's not the sister's fault that you lost your b/f. It's not your b/f's fault that you lost your b/f. It's not you parent's fault for giving you what you wanted.
You lost because of you. Tell your psychologist that.)
....
Basically my bf basically walked in on me throwing his half-sister rice pudding and laughing. He can't get over what he heard and saw, broke it off...don't speak to me, won't answer any of my first 2 calls.
Lord, can you blame him? What were you thinking?
If you haven't already, I suggest you humble yourself and proffer a sincere apology to his sister first and beg for her forgiveness. Perhaps before you should seek a few counseling sessions so you fully understand how inappropropriate you've been in your past and present behaviors. That may make your apology more convincing. IF she forgives you, he probably would follow her lead.
You may just have to chalk this one up as a good lesson learned well, and "go and sin no more."
If you haven't already, I suggest you humble yourself and proffer a sincere apology to his sister first and beg for her forgiveness. Perhaps before you should seek a few counseling sessions so you fully understand how inappropropriate you've been in your past and present behaviors. That may make your apology more convincing. IF she forgives you, he probably would follow her lead.
You may just have to chalk this one up as a good lesson learned well, and "go and sin no more."
But here's the thing...she's not really sorry. She's sorry she lost her boyfriend, and she's kinda sorry that she doesn't feel sorrier...but that's about it.
And she doesn't want to humble herself because that will make her feel bad.
Nonetheless, you have a LOT of work to do with that therapist/psychologist. I would love for you to show them your responses in this thread, at some point. It will give them a very clear idea of what they are working with.
What would be good for your psychologist to know:
You feel no remorse over things you've done.
You don't feel empathy.
You find ways not to blame yourself, but everyone else for 'why' you act certain ways.
You sabotage yourself because you don't know how to act properly.
(The last part - you appear to be more concerned about your life, what you want, and nothing more. If you think something will get in the way of what you want, you'll lash out. You wanted to pretend the past didn't happen, instead of acknowledging it. You wanted the sister to drop it - you don't get to make that call. You wanted to continue dating your b/f. But he caught you acting like a lunatic to his own sister. You did that to yourself. It's not the sister's fault that you lost your b/f. It's not your b/f's fault that you lost your b/f. It's not you parent's fault for giving you what you wanted.
You lost because of you. Tell your psychologist that.)
Yes I'll show the psychologist this post too. There is no point in contacting them at this point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookinForMayberry
Lord, can you blame him? What were you thinking?
If you haven't already, I suggest you humble yourself and proffer a sincere apology to his sister first and beg for her forgiveness. Perhaps before you should seek a few counseling sessions so you fully understand how inappropropriate you've been in your past and present behaviors. That may make your apology more convincing. IF she forgives you, he probably would follow her lead.
You may just have to chalk this one up as a good lesson learned well, and "go and sin no more."
Listen to what SnazzyB is saying. He stated it all. It's true. If I were to do as you're suggesting I'm afraid most of the words and begging will likely be fake (with the purpose of getting back with my bf; I wouldn't be doing it for her) and it'll feel as if I was apologizing to the air, without actually feeling it at all. Then afterwards, I picture myself being furious by then (even hating the moment) at having to humble myself, thinking of ways to get back up, to be on top again. I'm not used to eating humble pie with anyone. That's why I'm going to work on myself first. What's the point of expressing what I don't feel???
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
But here's the thing...she's not really sorry. She's sorry she lost her boyfriend, and she's kinda sorry that she doesn't feel sorrier...but that's about it.
And she doesn't want to humble herself because that will make her feel bad.
Ok yes true. I can't say what I don't feel. It just wouldn't come out naturally.
Honestly, You are still a horrible person and likely won't change because you don't feel any remorse. People whom have been bullied in their youth often times never recover from it, and you just had to go all in just one more time...because it felt good to abuse her, and you know it. You even blame her for bringing it up and cornering you. Like what happened was her fault.
This is likely the first time you have been called out for your bullying and it is why you never really stopped. You have never faced any consequences.
Y...That's why I'm going to work on myself first. What's the point of expressing what I don't feel???
Well, at least you have enough self-awareness to understand you need to do some work. Ego is a terrible thing. I know. I rode mine for decades -- and though it served me at times, I paid for it in more ways than I wish to review. Ultimately I learned that to truly be a successful person, you have to humble yourself.
Best wishes. If you want to do this, you can. I believe in you.
Honestly, You are still a horrible person and likely won't change because you don't feel any remorse. People whom have been bullied in their youth often times never recover from it, and you just had to go all in just one more time...because it felt good to abuse her, and you know it. You even blame her for bringing it up and cornering you. Like what happened was her fault.
This is likely the first time you have been called out for your bullying and it is why you never really stopped. You have never faced any consequences.
Sorry, you are likely unredeemable.
No one is unredeemable. She may have behaved badly, but if she sincerely repents and seeks forgiveness she can get beyond this -- and anything else she's done. You perhaps do not believe in the teachings of Christ, who said "go and sin no more," but you should know -- or if you don't know, learn, that no one is beyond forgiveness.
Perhaps it would be best -- for you, to re-read your post and contemplate how you might repent.
I think few people would be brave enough to admit to something negative in the past. It takes a lot to swallow your pride and eat humble pie. Not many are willing to do that.
Here's what brave is -- coming to school every day with a knot in your stomach at the thought of your tormentor publicly humiliating you.
Last edited by Maddie104; 11-18-2022 at 06:21 AM..
No one is unredeemable. She may have behaved badly, but if she sincerely repents and seeks forgiveness she can get beyond this -- and anything else she's done. You perhaps do not believe in the teachings of Christ, who said "go and sin no more," but you should know -- or if you don't know, learn, that no one is beyond forgiveness.
Perhaps it would be best -- for you, to re-read your post and contemplate how you might repent.
She shows no remorse and seeks no forgiveness from the person she bullied.
IF that were to change, I might soften my view.
Until then, I stand behind every word I said. But the truth is, it doesn't matter at all what any of us thinks about the situation. She has to find her own way.
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