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You could volunteer to give rides to cancer patients who don't have rides to treatment/chemo and talk to them.
I would assume that would probably make any human person more thankful ... for a little while at least.
As for myself ... any time off work is a happy time.
I like this advice.
At some point every one of us has to realize that we have choices, and feeling crappy is a choice you are actively making, something you are doing to yourself. There are other choices.
Choose to be kinder to yourself, allow yourself to wallow in your misery for an evening, and then choose gratitude and realize you don't have the market cornered on sadness and suffering. We're all going through something. It's not meant to minimize how you're feeling, but rather remind you you aren't the only one.
Does your city/town need more volunteers for the Santa Claus Parade? Even if they don't, go to the parade and see all the little kids enjoy the magic of Christmas and the excitement of seeing Santa. Find something to bring you joy.
It's good that you are "getting out there" and availing yourself to new people. As far as being "too old" (at 39) to play soccer, maybe look for a "co-ed" league. Those are the most fun, anyways.
However, soccer is pretty hard, on the body, so maybe another sport might be in the cards. Curling at 39? You're TOO YOUNG for curling. (Maybe in another 30 years, tho.)
How about something like "Pickleball?" (This is very popular here. Even for people in their 60's-70's.)
Seems to be an "up and coming" activity.
I was playing in a co-ed rec league. Unfortunately there wasn't enough women signed up to create a women's league. I could handle a women's league.
I also got a gym membership this year at Anytime Fitness but it isn't the opportunity for socialization which I hoped. Everyone just keeps to themselves or there's people who go workout together. And you can't talk with anyone because everyone is wearing darn earbuds.
The curling league I joined because I was desperate for socialization outside my work and kids. My aunt suggested it. Most people are in their 50s and 60s but there are some in their 30s and 40s.
I've seen a pickleball court in a town nearby but have never seen anyone playing. I think I could get into it but again,the problem is not having a playing partner.
I've seen a pickleball court in a town nearby but have never seen anyone playing. I think I could get into it but again,the problem is not having a playing partner.
Stop in, say hello and impose yourself. You night be invited in. Never know unless you try.
I have 3 kids but my oldest doesn't live with me. She chose to move to her dad's and cut off contact with me because she thinks I'm a horrible mother. Her father basically turned her against me and he's now working hard on the second child who I've started having trouble with. He basically tells the kids that me getting them to do chores is wrong, that I'm too strict about school, me getting them to watch their younger sibling is wrong, me working too much is neglecting them. He says all kinds of bad stuff about my family. So when they go there for a visit (he's 6 hours away) I have a lot of anxiety, like right now. They just went there for the 4-day long weekend (no school on the 10th and 11th) and is now not bringing them back claiming they are sick (this is a ploy he always uses) and if he doesn't bring them back this weekend I'm gonna have to phone the police on him again, something I hate doing because it upsets the kids and then they are angry at me. But missing 5 days of school is just wrong to me. Anyways, I do have a tradition with them. I call it 12 Days of Christmas Gifts. I wrap up 12 gifts for each of them and every day for 12 days before they go they get to open a gift. I'll work like a dog during Christmas, double shifts all I can then when they come back for New Year's (if he brings them back on time) we'll have a big family meal with candlelight.
You call the police on him and you let the kids find out to no less, my God, hate to think what else goes on maybe he has some points.
Why don't you try being a bit nice to ea other and working together , and yes unfortunately l know what l'm talking about we've been doing it 12yrs.
So what if he's a bit late back with them big deal he's their father, their time with him is just as important as yours and being their father he can make a call about them missing a day of school if it comes to that just as much as you can. lt's not the end of the world but how much happier are your kids gonna be getting some extra time with their dad.
Try starting over. Work together, be nice, think of your kids, both of you and of how important it is to them to have both parents still on good terms and fair and no bs working together and still wanting the best for ea and for them too.
We decided day one 12yrs ago we're being fair open and casual, work together and they can see her or me any time they want. And ex and l still talk and touch base now all the time if needed for the kids and any problems and have never even so much as said a bad word about ea other around the kids.
Try it, talk it over with ex, for your kids.
I'm not sure I could do that. I work doing palliative care and I think that would put me into compassion overload. Just worked an evening shift and two people I saw tonight I sat with for a bit because they were crying to me how lonely they were. My heart just broke for them. I think that might be why being single bothers me even more because I see how it is for people who are dying alone and I don't want that to be me.
I work in a similar atmosphere where end of life decisions and death are an everyday thing. I’ve become very good at compartmentalization and leaving those thoughts when I “clock out” at the end of my work day.
Have you considered a part time job? I’ve done that during the holidays just for something new, and also volunteered to work holidays for coworkers. The busier you are, the less time you have to be in your head. Paint a room, clean out a closet, join a gym or invest in a treadmill and good headphones.
I work in a similar atmosphere where end of life decisions and death are an everyday thing. I’ve become very good at compartmentalization and leaving those thoughts when I “clock out” at the end of my work day.
Have you considered a part time job? I’ve done that during the holidays just for something new, and also volunteered to work holidays for coworkers. The busier you are, the less time you have to be in your head. Paint a room, clean out a closet, join a gym or invest in a treadmill and good headphones.
I agree with just keeping yourself busy, but I also agree with the idea of making sure you are getting plenty of exercise. When the days get shorter some people do get a little seasonal affective disorder and either exercise and/or special lights are good for treating that.
I also think a pretty good technique for just getting out of your head is to volunteer somewhere, that will keep you from getting too worked up about your own issues.
Since I know any longing is pretty unpleasant (longing can be about a variety of things) I set my life up to prevent it or to try to keep it at a low level and hopefully minimizing it......by having MANY interests in life......and interests that can occupy one's mind and thoughts.
Plus having a strong sense of self and worth.
But I really think having a LOT of varied interests in life is key.
Since I know any longing is pretty unpleasant (longing can be about a variety of things) I set my life up to prevent it or to try to keep it at a low level and hopefully minimizing it......by having MANY interests in life......and interests that can occupy one's mind and thoughts.
Plus having a strong sense of self and worth.
But I really think having a LOT of varied interests in life is key.
I've branched out to having many interests. What I'm missing is close connected relationships with non-family. I'm close with family but I find I don't have a lot in common with family, I love them but they I don't have many of the same interests. I just yearn for a friend or group of friends I can hang out with at times. I hoped that getting involved with various things would lead to that but so far no dice. I'm not sure I'm doing anything wrong, just that the people that I'm around already have their group of friends or are in a relationship and busy with that or they are much older. My lack of friends is probably why I keep yearning for a boyfriend so much because in a lot of ways it's easier to find a boyfriend than a friend (because there's the option of online dating). The other day at curling, most of my conversation was with an 82-year-old guy. The week before that, it was mainly with a group of guys in their 60s because that's the team we were playing against. Every week we play against a different team and the 2 weeks before we apparently played against younger teams but I was at work so I had to miss. And at work most of the people I look after in Home Care are North of the age 80. I really crave hanging out with people my own age.
You call the police on him and you let the kids find out to no less, my God, hate to think what else goes on maybe he has some points.
Why don't you try being a bit nice to ea other and working together , and yes unfortunately l know what l'm talking about we've been doing it 12yrs.
So what if he's a bit late back with them big deal he's their father, their time with him is just as important as yours and being their father he can make a call about them missing a day of school if it comes to that just as much as you can. lt's not the end of the world but how much happier are your kids gonna be getting some extra time with their dad.
Try starting over. Work together, be nice, think of your kids, both of you and of how important it is to them to have both parents still on good terms and fair and no bs working together and still wanting the best for ea and for them too.
We decided day one 12yrs ago we're being fair open and casual, work together and they can see her or me any time they want. And ex and l still talk and touch base now all the time if needed for the kids and any problems and have never even so much as said a bad word about ea other around the kids.
Try it, talk it over with ex, for your kids.
My ex is not the talk-it-over type. He's a bully and I have a really hard time dealing with him. And I can't take the swearing and name-calling. We text only. In the past when I've tried to talk to him about issues I've had with the kids, he's basically turned on me and called me a bad mother and said if I can't handle the kids they can come live with him full-time. For instance, the other day telling me I need to quit being so lazy because I'm not potty-training our 6-year-old because she wets her pants and wets the bed constantly when she's there all the time. The only time she wet the bed here in the last 6 months was when my mom was watching her the night I had surgery and she was really worried about me, according to my mom. I think she wets the bed because of anxiety when she goes to her dad's because he likes to yell or she's homesick. He doesn't let me talk to them when they go for visits, says it's his time with them so they don't need to and I think she finds it hard. Even in the summer when she's gone for a month I don't get to talk to her once.
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